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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To getting annoyed when people say ‘you look well’

153 replies

MrsMaow · 02/05/2019 21:05

I had my baby almost 6 months ago and I know (hope) it won’t be permanent but currently I look fat, exhausted, and my skin is somehow covered in spots and dry and flaky at the same time, just generally haggard. I do not look well.

I saw a few people today that I haven’t seen since DD was born and every single one of them said a variation of ‘you’re looking well’ - if this is me looking well what the fuck do they think I looked like before.

I think I probably ABU to be so annoyed but am I really?!

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 02/05/2019 22:01

Bluntness.....clearly everyone doesnt know it means you've put on weight. If they did all think that, no one would say it.

returnofthecat · 02/05/2019 22:02

I'm pretty sure the below is almost always true true:

You look well = you look fat, no chance of dying of starvation any time soon
You look great! = you don't usually, but you've scrubbed up well today and frankly, I'm a little bit shocked you don't look like your usual dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards-twice self
You look good = you look good

lborolass · 02/05/2019 22:02

Add me to your list bluntness, I have never used it to mean someone's put on weight. I'd never use any kind of code for that as it would never be something I'd need to say.

LL83 · 02/05/2019 22:04

You look well/nice/good are interchangeable to me. Even if you dont look your best you can still look well. Even if it's a lie it is likely meant to make you feel good not a dig or to patronise.

Nice people are being nice, if you know bitchy people they may be different, but distance yourself as they are not worth the hassle.

DragonforaMIL · 02/05/2019 22:08

Take these people at face value. Most do mean well! My MiL said "at least you haven't let yourself go...like I was expecting" when I was pregnant Hmm

Watto1 · 02/05/2019 22:10

I was walking with my dad once and we bumped into an old acquaintance of his. Amongst other pleasantries, Dad told him he looked well. After they said their goodbyes, Dad said to me “I’m sure someone told me he’d died.” So I suppose he did look well for a ‘dead’ man!

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 22:10

eightoclick it’s entirely dependent on context. Each standing with a drink in hand, a few minutes to chat, or maybe standing in a queue together, then yes, say “you have such good skin” etc
Rushing through porch with some parents going in, most coming out, all squashed up, nearly all blokes “ooh your teeth look good” would have embarrassed both her and me. Being specific would have made me look a complete arse and I’m sure she wouldn’t have liked it.

64sNewName · 02/05/2019 22:11

I say this to people and I don’t even slightly mean anything about weight. I also had loads of people say it to me at a time when I’d lost a lot of weight and was healthy and glowy.

It isn’t universal “code” at all, except maybe in the heads of the paranoid or cynical.

buckeejit · 02/05/2019 22:13

Well I'm fat as fuck & nobody tells me I look well!

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 22:13

I think once upon an eon ago some stand-up got a laugh by claiming “you look well” translated as “you look fat”. Of course it bloody doesn’t.
It means you’re looking good.

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 22:15

Hear hear iboro. How many people actually go around telling other people they’ve put on weight?

robinsarebins · 02/05/2019 22:16

Three people have said this to me in the last couple of weeks.
All people I hadn't seen for a while, I've lost weight since I last saw 2 of them, probably look about the same size to the third.
So I don't think they are saying I look fat. I've never been fat in my life.
They mean I look well, which is nice because I feel well.
I'm very happy in my life and I think that comes through in my attitude and body language, I'm still a scruff with crap hair so they don't mean that.

notacooldad · 02/05/2019 22:16

eightoclock
They mean you have gained weight
Absolutely not.Thats just batshit.
The last time I said that to some one they were looking fantastic!
They had lost weight weight and looked healthy.
I later found out that he had started his first relationship in a long time and was extremely happy and had turned a corner in his life and began to trust and love again.

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 22:17

Grin watto

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 22:22

Honestly Bluntness the day you come out with something non-trite is the day I mow the lawn by chewing on the grass myself.

I think that’s my first rude comment to someone on here. Confused

Myusernameismud · 02/05/2019 22:22

Hmm I take it as meaning you look porky, but I have put on a LOT of weight lately (thanks steroids) so I could be a bit paranoid.

I'll throw in this backhanded compliment though. A few years ago, an aunt of mine said to me 'goodness, haven't you bloomed' when she saw me at a family party. I did look good tbh, I'd lost some weight, had a bit of colour in my cheeks (previously very anaemic and pale) and my hair was looking very shiny that day. I took it as a compliment, until my dad told me she'd said to him that I was always so plain before Hmm

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 22:35

Aw why did your own dad tell you that Myuser? Shock

Okwhereisit · 02/05/2019 22:42

Never read so much rubbish as on this thread. Why would you randomly tell people they are fat? When someone looks well means they are looking good! Don't be do offended!

Squigglesworth · 02/05/2019 22:44

Someone (a relative by marriage) once told me I was looking "prosperous", which I couldn't help but interpret as "chubby". Hmm

He's a little different, so maybe he didn't mean anything by it, but it did hurt in the moment, and it's definitely affected how I think about him.

bliminy · 02/05/2019 22:45

Oh dear. I told a colleague I hadn't seen in ages that she looked well - she's been eating well, lost lots of weight, her skin is better and she doesn't look like she about to die of a heart attack any more.

Now I discover I actually told her she's got fatter.

Great.

Pret · 02/05/2019 22:47

Around here it means you've gained weight.

Snidey fuckers.

Piglet89 · 02/05/2019 22:47

Compliment = “You look well”.

Insult = “You look like Gollum”.

Glad we cleared that up.

Unfinishedkitchen · 02/05/2019 22:48

I always thought ‘you look ‘well’ means you’re fat.

MeganChips · 02/05/2019 22:49

Where I grew up it definitely means you’ve put weight on. Perhaps it’s regional?

Absolutepowercorrupts · 02/05/2019 22:57

So many ridiculous comments on this thread, you look well doesn't mean you've put weight on.
I get told a lot that I look well, I've lost weight so l know it doesn't mean I'm fat. I've had a stroke, stopped cut down on the fags, drink less, so yes, I bloody love being told that I look well. Maybe sometimes women should stop overthinking and just accept a compliment