To getting annoyed when people say ‘you look well’

[MrsMaow]

I had my baby almost 6 months ago and I know (hope) it won’t be permanent but currently I look fat, exhausted, and my skin is somehow covered in spots and dry and flaky at the same time, just generally haggard. I do not look well.

I saw a few people today that I haven’t seen since DD was born and every single one of them said a variation of ‘you’re looking well’ - if this is me looking well what the fuck do they think I looked like before.

I think I probably ABU to be so annoyed but am I really?!

Since when did “you look well” equate to “you look fat” FFS? Anyone who genuinely thinks that has some serious self esteem issues IMO.

I always interpret it as youre looking better than expected.

I always use it in this way as in 'You're looking well ... considering recent ill health/pregnancy/bereavement etc' ... I never continue the sentence after the 'You're looking well ...' part as I don't feel it's needed. It's very much meant as a compliment on my part and usually said when I'm surprised how well they look following an event because if it were me I'd likely be looking like a sack of shite.

Sorry but my older family members use 'you look well' as a euphemism for 'you've put some weight on'. It's a thing.

Since when did people start thinking of compliments as a code for being rude? Or are people more easily offended these days.

I have lived in , South London, West and South Yorkshire. Yorkshire folk are blunt, and telling someone they look well mean exactly that - they don't look ill, they look good etc. It is most definitely not a euphemism for looking fat

FFS, enjoy the compliment.

I jump instantly to 'fat' too.

TBF my husband's grandparents do actually say that when someone has gained weight.

Now I think about it, it tends to be the older members of my family who say you look well and mean you've put on weight. Maybe it's less a regional thing and more a generational thing. If one of my friends said I look well, I'd take it to mean exactly that, but any older relatives who say it instantly get my back up.
But then my friends are generally lovely, supportive people, whereas some of my older aunties can be a bit snarky. I have one auntie who will actually say 'cor haven't you got fat?' to her sisters. She's famed for her bluntness though.

Is it a generational thing and a regional thing then?
I'm 60 BTW, and as I have never been overweight I have never thought of it as being a euphemism for fat.

Oh I said this to a former colleague who popped in this, week... She isn't working and looked as if she had spent the last week relaxing in the garden! Tbf tho she really did look well 😁

And not fat. Slimmer if anything.

Yes yabu but you've just had a baby so that's allowed

Since when did “you look well” equate to “you look fat” FFS? Anyone who genuinely thinks that has some serious self esteem issues IMO.

Nah, it's not a self-esteem thing. I just know that some people do use it to mean you have gained weight. Considering how many people think it there is clearly something in it.

It also isn't just a MN thing. You just need to google it to see that.

"It also isn't just a MN thing. You just need to google it to see that."

In my limited experience I have only seen this on MN.

When I met up with some colleagues when DS was about three weeks old, one actually said to me 'hats off, you look well, your hair is washed, you've got proper clothes and make up on and you're not covered in vomit, I don't think I managed that for about six months' , she genuinely meant it as a compliment and I took it as such, even though looking in the mirror all I could see were under eye bags!

Maybe you do look well OP. You probably don't feel it, we are our own worst critic.
I have when people day you're looking tired, code for you look wrecked. When DS was born, he was a velcro baby, champion screamer lots of people said "You're looking tired" No shit Sherlock

I didn’t realise that it meant you look fat. I thought it meant you look heathy (and rested if you have just had a baby)

Most people mean you're looking well fed. That would be the traditional take. However, it has probably morphed.

Maybe it's a case of those that think it means you have put weight on would only say and use it as such.

Whereas lots of us mean it in a positive non weight way and thus say it and take it as a compliment.

You therefore need to know the views of the sayer

Well as opposed to unwell, surely? Because mums with small babies so often look like crap, and they’re noting that you don’t... that’s how I would take it.
I recently had a baby and was on the school run on day 3 PP - I got a lot of ‘you look so well’ and I took that as a compliment, because I did feel surprising well! I doubt anyone was actually telling me I look overweight, with a 3-day old baby in my arms.
I get that it’s hard to take compliments when you’re not feeling good about yourself though.

I think if I knew I wasn't looking "well" as you describe I'd get annoyed too. If you know you are actually looking "well" you accept it as a compliment.

The day after I had my second child we went for a walk to the pub. It was the middle of summer so I had a nice sunny glow, I'd got my hair done 2 days before I gave birth (was touch and go sat having contractions in the hairdressers lol). We sent some pictures to our parents of us sat in a beer garden in the sunshine, my mil commented "you look really well, no one would ever guess you'd just given birth yesterday"! It was a compliment and I accepted it as that as I did look great and relaxed. If I'd have looked like a bag of shite I'd have taken it completely different!

I think it’s a generational thing.

I’m in my 40’s - I mean ‘you’re looking healthy/happy’

My older relatives (80’s) mean ‘you’re looking well fed’ healthy weight/solid. They do not mean ‘fat’ - they’d be more blunt than that 🤣

Take it as a compliment - whether that’s how it was intended or not 🤷🏻‍♀️🌷

I say it all the time when they look well
I never thought anyone would say it as a dig about weight.
I am slim, when I make an effort and told I look well, I think happy days.
I doubt it was about weight, I think it is your insecurity.
I had weight issues as a teen, I controlled it, I let loose and put on over a stone a friend said Emerald you look great, you have put on some weight. I left feeling shit and went for a run, I was still under 6 stone with my weight gain.
It was my perception of her comment because I had issues about myself, you have to change your inner thoughts, people rarely think about what comes out of their mouth, my point is sometimes it is genuinely meant kindly, take it with a pinch of salt.

argy I didn’t know that. Is she LaQueen under a different guise?

So, if those of us who mean it as a compliment are going around inadvertently insulting people, what should we be saying to let a person know they look, um, well? Especially if we haven’t seen them for a while?

I need some Irish people to weigh in on this. People are always saying this on Ireland but if they're saying it to me it might well mean fat. Trying to think who else I've heard it said to...