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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister not coming to my 40th

168 replies

EC22 · 20/02/2019 13:35

I’m pretty devastated. She lives abroad but is usually over 3/4 times per year, she was here for a friends engagement in November, back at Christmas and is back in the summer for a friends wedding.
My party is on Saturday, has been booked since last April and she told me on Monday she can’t afford to come. I am so upset and angry. I think I’m probably unreasonably angry as my sister is generally very selfish but I just think I’ll find this hard to forgive.

OP posts:
themoomoo · 20/02/2019 13:36

yes YABU.
You're a grown up. It's a birthday. You'll have another one next year, and the year after

GruciusMalfoy · 20/02/2019 13:38

I'd say yabu, but I don't really get why adults make a big deal about birthdays. Engagements and weddings are (hopefully) a one time thing.

Do you go abroad to see her often?

Original poster
EC22 · 20/02/2019 13:38

I won’t have another 40th though, will I? I have family coming from all over, it’s a one off and she won’t be there.

OP posts:
RoryLeighGilmore · 20/02/2019 13:40

I also find it weird when adults make such a fuss over birthdays. Booking a party 10 months in advance seems crazy. I'd travel overseas for a wedding but certainly not for someone's birthday!!!

katykins85 · 20/02/2019 13:40

40 or 4?! Hmm

WendyCope · 20/02/2019 13:40

YABVU and silly IMO.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/02/2019 13:41

I can see why you’d be upset if she’d said she was coming but try not to let this ruin your birthday. You say she’s selfish so it can’t come as that much of a surprise she’s ducking?

SillyMoomin · 20/02/2019 13:42

So... you’d like her to get into debt just because of a party?
This has got to be a reverse.

You cannot be that selfish in real life seriously?! And yes I mean you, not your sister

StitchingMoss · 20/02/2019 13:42

I love birthdays and celebrate all mine - big ones with a party! However I wouldn’t expect people to travel from overseas to it! YABU - take it on the chin and enjoy your party with those who can make it Smile.

LoveB · 20/02/2019 13:42

Yabu

GruciusMalfoy · 20/02/2019 13:43

Well obviously you'll only have one 40th. But there will be plenty more birthdays she may be able to afford to attend. Maybe your 50th, if you've got over this by then.

Birdie6 · 20/02/2019 13:44

I'm in the "no big deal" camp. You're an adult - birthdays are not a big deal once you are over 18 in my book. If she can't afford to come, move on and enjoy your day with those who can come.

Geminijes · 20/02/2019 13:44

I can understand why you're upset. To you, it's a milestone birthday and you would like your sister there to celebrate it with you. Unfortunately, your sister obviously doesn't regard it as important.

I would try not to see it as a 'snub' and enjoy your birthday and your party. Happy birthday for Saturday Flowers

WendyCope · 20/02/2019 13:44

I also think this is a reverse.

If not, you are the one that is selfish, not your sister.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 20/02/2019 13:45

Its my 50th this weekend. A few people cant make it due to finances/childcare etc. Im not crying and devastated about it. Yabu to be so upset and thinking of not forgiving her.

seven201 · 20/02/2019 13:45

Yabu sorry.

SpanielEars070 · 20/02/2019 13:46

Pay for her to come then.

PristineCondition · 20/02/2019 13:46

Well if it means so such to you pay for her flights.

GreenTulips · 20/02/2019 13:46

Have you booked to visit her?

TopBitchoftheWitches · 20/02/2019 13:47

Op you are being vvur.

For my 40th I had nothing except gift cards for the usual amount. No party or anything because I am a grown up.

I really doesn't matter to anyone else but you.

ErickBroch · 20/02/2019 13:48

YABU. Financial circumstances change, and it is just a birthday really (coming from someone who always make a huge event of birthdays)

chillpizza · 20/02/2019 13:50

It’s your birthday. It happens every year. I don’t get massive parties for adults once you’ve hit 21 it’s done with unless you hit 100 then you deserve a huge party. Your moaning like a 4yr old rather than a nearly
40yr old.

Original poster
EC22 · 20/02/2019 13:50

She stayed with me at Christmas for a week, there was not even a hint that she wouldn’t be here. I assumed her flights were booked and she was staying with me again.

I visit her every year, I have kids, she doesn’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
EC22 · 20/02/2019 13:51

I would have paid for her flights had she not left it so late to tell me.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/02/2019 13:52

As she said she would be coming then it’s a bit off that suddenly she isn’t. Have you spoken to her?