Forgotten birthday drama - what the hell

[Isshebeingserious]

NC because it’s outing (shared this with a few friends who are on here and I don’t want them knowing my username!)

A friend of mine has her birthday on the 11th November. For as long as we have been friends (circa 10 years), I have always forgotten the birthday. If I’m examining why, it is most likely because of the significance of the day itself re ww1, as I generally do remember other people’s birthdays.

Anyway, every year I get a bollocking from said friend about missing it, and every year I apologise. This year she has completely lost it with me, and doesn’t understand that with a 4 month old baby and my grandmother in law dying last week, I have even more stuff on my mind than usual. I feel like she doesn’t remind me before the day but waits to see if i forget so she can use it as a stick to beat me with. I apologised to her, she accepted and then 3 hours later I received a huge message saying I should set a reminder on my phone, she doesn’t accept my excuses etc etc. At this point I had been trying for 2.5 hours to get DS to sleep and was crying from exhaustion and told her to grow up and fuck off basically.

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable - am I? I feel bad about missing it but being repeatedly told off has made me see red.

I suppose the obvious question is why you didn’t just schedule it into your phone last year or the year before?

Tbh I’m not good at remembering birthdays and it doesn’t usually matter for grown ups but since you know this is such an issue why not just deal with it?

Unless you are 14 I don't see the issue. My friends and I wish each other Happy Birthday because social media reminds us otherwise I doubt I would remember anyone's apart from close family.

I just don’t ever put things in my phone! I don’t like to do it, and I think if I’m being honest i think she’s being silly about it and hope I’ll remmeber the next year...

I mean, you've had 10 years to put it in your phone/in your diary... If I were your friend I'd feel like you really didn't care about me.

well if its always her birthday you forget as you do remember other people she maybe think you dont care

I’ve never, ever put anything in my phone. And I have a diary and I forget to write anything in it.

You’re both being U.

Anyway, every year I get a bollocking from said friend about missing it, and every year I apologise. This year she has completely lost it with me, and doesn’t understand that with a 4 month old baby and my grandmother in law dying last week, I have even more stuff on my mind than usual.

^The baby and your GIL is a red herring here.
Why do you continue to forget her birthday year after year? You just show that you don’t give a damn despite her getting upset year after year. You sound like a shit friend

I think also the fact she lives in a different country means I don’t get invited to a birthday party so that also doesn’t help as nothing comes up to remember it. Gosh I’m feeling bad now

What does she do for your birthday?

I guess you have to think about how much of a friend she is to you. If you're not bothered either way (and I can't be doing with birthdays for anyone other than family or one or two very close friends) she can just be cross about it, but if you value her friendship and know that it is ridiculously important to her, I think you'll have to do the phone reminder thing. I suppose you can't have it both ways - it obviously means a lot to her however loopy you think it is.

You’re both being extremely childish.

YABU. You’ve had 10 years to learn her birthday and still haven’t made the effort. You haven’t even made the effort to attempt to remember it and are just filling this thread with excuse after excuse.

Poor behaviour on your side.

and doesn’t understand that with a 4 month old baby and my grandmother in law dying last week, I have even more stuff on my mind than usual.

But you've forgotten the past 10 years too. The above would be an excuse if you usually remembered.

Fwiw I don't see the problem anyway but I don't really get the hype around adults' birthdays.

What does she do for your birthday?

She does remember it every time and messages me.

I just feel like I don’t do it on purpose though! I’m not trying to hurt her feelings I just don’t remmeber it - it’s weird it’s just this one day I never remember.

You have forgotten her birthday every year for TEN YEARS!? Wow. You are a shit friend and I'm shocked she is still your friend. It'd take you about thirty seconds to set a reminder somewhere and the same to send her a text message. I bet she doesn't forget yours.

Fucksticks, you’ve reminded me I’ve forgotten a good friend’s birthday too... two weeks ago. Bollocks. I am weeks late for her every. Single. Year.

Does your friend always (or usually) remember your birthday?

Agree with the above. I had a close friend do this to me repeatedly, despite posting on a social media platform the same day which would've reminded her about it. I cut her out after that. I'm surprised your friend still bothers with you. Stop making up excuses for this year. You've done it for ten years and have never learnt!!

It's important to your friend and you consistently 'forget' - it shows you don't value your friendship. I'd be really cross with you too. She isn't trying to catch you out, she was putting her faith in a friend of over ten years to remember her birthday. A friend who had apologised year on year but never thought she was important enough to remember.

I would have thought it would be more memorable as her Birthday falls on such a significant day. I personally find that annual things that occur on the same date kind of link together in my mind if that makes sense and I remember them more than if they fell on a bog standard Tuesday in August.
With that being said I dont think I could get worked up about somebody forgetting my birthday particularly with all the other stuff thats been going on in your life. She should have really dropped it after you apologised the first time.

The fact her birthday is on the 11th November is even more reason to remember

I’m amazed that people care that much about their birthdays! Honestly - I wouldn’t give a damn if someone forgot mine

On Mumsnet everyone will tell you that you’re a child for wanting someone to remember your birthday

But the reality is, if a friend forgot your birthday each year for 10 years yes you’d be upset

Given the significance of the date it should be EXTRA reason to remember as you can think “ah, rememberence day. Oh and lizzy’s birthday!”

You’re being a bit of a shit friend tbh. Especially to ask all your other friends as well, not very fair on them!

I can see why she would be hurt if you remember other people’s birthdays and not hers. Surely the significant date makes it easier to remember? And come on, your Grandmother in law dying has contributed towards you forgetting yet again?! Please.