To think I have a spunking ghost?!

[Chipshopninja]

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

Oh Yay! It's back.

See, Verbena87 - I told you it just needed some recovery time.

Mind you, that's an impressive quantity of the stuff, isn't it. (Well, actually I suppose it depends on the size of his ghostly ball sack, I mean, if they're mammoth... like if the ghost was the size of the Eiffle Tower with testicles to match, then maybe it's not that impressive a deposit).

Any idea on the size of your apparition, Chips?

Anyway, unfortunately, Chips I think you have no option now but to lick the spunk. All other avenues have been exhausted. You need to do it for Mumsnet. Get licking!

drinks I bow to your superior knowledge. But I am faintly terrified at the potential for gargantuan ghostly gonads. There is a finite amount of bollock one needs in ones house. chips , get the (s)exorcist!!

ok. gargantuan ghostly gonads has finished me. Laughing so much I can hardly type.

Poor Chips. She's never going to get a good night's sleep again.

Gargantuan Ghostly Gonads - finished me off too KeepServing !!!! so glad I work in an office by myself

Goooonaaaadssss!

What wonderful word!

I know, Schaden. I think "g" really is the funniest consonant (and the vowels aren't funny at all). F is quite funny, and so is z. But I think "g" swings it

The new patch looks oddly like the outline of a sitting cat

Isn’t that a guilty-looking black cat’s tail just off the side of photo? It might just be a cat with incontinence that can open and close doors in the middle of the night

Actually, it’s a bit thin for a cat’s tail.

Out of interest, what is it op?

Curiously straight edges. Like fuzzy felt. I suspect the hand of man( no pun intended). Is your DP gaslighting you? LTB.

For a stain that size looks like the poor bugger hasn't had any release since he died.
Maybe it's a territory thing and it's spunking the bits of the house that are his.

It would smell if it was cat wee. I think it is a rather large wet patch to be 'spunk' . I have never seen a man produce enough to soak a patch that size on a carpet- I may just have slept with poor-spunkers. Of course, a ghost may produce much more freely as it could be mixed with ectoplasm.
I think you should cut the patch from the carpet, then divide it into 2 equal bits. Tkae one bit to the police station and ask for forensics to do the whole gamut if tests including DNA- which could help yo7 identify the ghost if it turns out to be that.
Take the second bit to some ghost busters and ask them to test it for ectoplasm.
Is it luminous in the dark- I think ectoplasm is?

Oh that's a pen. As I said the room of many things is a general dumping ground for various bits of crap

I don't have a cat, or any fuzzy felt

I miss fuzzy felt though I used to have a fuzzy felt zoo and a fuzzy felt farm...anyway I digress

Fuzzy felt ghosts?

cough

Torn that's amazing!!! I want to print it out and get it framed!

@TornFromTheInside that's amazing

I decided to splash out and add a masterstroke...

torn I just nearly woke the baby snorting. You are a genius.

There's something strange in the Mumsnet hood...

I'm am loving the film posters!

I note that you still haven't licked it yet though

Well done with the film posters! Another thread idea maybe. Does it take very long to knock one up?

You might want to rephrase that!

Cumsnet.