To think I have a spunking ghost?!

[Chipshopninja]

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

Leaky underfloor pipe? Or is that too far fetched? Spunk ghost sounds far more plausible.

the room of many things

That damn pig gets everywhere!

Somehow knowing it's a spunking ghost with a fetish for badly drawn cartoon pigs makes things even more dreadful!

Why do you think dp cleaned it up?!

Ok, you need a backlight... for scientific research stuff- can you buy them on Amazon? What would a spunky ghost be doing in your room of requirement? Is he looking for tissues?

Surely nothing leaks upwards. Where's PigletJohn when you need him?

It must be a very large or excited ghost.

I fine the idea of underfloor pipes leaking upwards in 2 different places far harder to believe than the presence of "spunky"

Oh I've named him by the way.

Spunky the deceased homosexual horder and pig fancier

Doesn’t both spunk and urine glow under uv light?

That would rule out gravity defying leaky pipes (although it’s gechnically possibly with enough pressure and a small hole as you’d get a little fountain)

Only the whiff test will sort it now OP. Get down on all fours, nose in carpet.

Army I've whiffed! Can confirm definitely not urine....

Spunky the deceased homosexual horder and pig fancier
Peppa pig fancier obviously

I'm so immature -- spinning ghost made me chuckle.

Spunking even. My phone thinks it's so unlikely it corrected it for me!

Spunking Spirit

I like your carpet in the room of many things
That's quite a big spunk patch though isn't it

Chips, does it smell of bacon or sausages, or other pork related products by any chance?

I cannot get rid of the Ghostbusters tune running through my head, with GhostSpunker replacing the original chorus.

Hmmm interesting...

Surely unless it was a very concentrated wee it wouldnt smell like wee? My wees only smell wee-like when I havent had enough to drink and it comes out yellow rather than the almost colourless state it is supposed to be.

However I am fairly certain you must have a fireplace connected to the floo network and have peeves hiding in your house somewhere. I couldnt say if he is randomly spraying spunk or is drooling over your fine mortal form however

Do you have a giant rabbit 🐇 that you've forgotten about? That would be my first though.

Or, does your DS have an invisible friend? I had an invisible friend called Elaine and she got up to all sorts of shit that I got the blame for. My plaintive cries of "Elaine did it ......." went unheard. She lived with us for years and my mum even used to lay a place for her at dinner.

yes, defo a spunking ghost 👻

That's nothing...I once woke up to a fresh patch of blood at the foot of my bed for which there was no logical explanation.

I'd take a spunking ghost over a bleeding ghost any day....

Back to the more mundane - did one of you spill a drink at bedtime and not notice? Or maybe there was a time lag between your dh hearing the noise and getting up...allowing your ds enough time to get back to sleep?

Was there any cold spots OP? Any unexplained noises