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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Share passive aggressive comments you've received from your MIL

217 replies

oxymomon · 09/08/2018 08:49

My MIL is a cow to me. But she is also cunning enough to be able to veil her comments so they go over the head of my husband and father in law. E.g. when I put on weight recently and she kept saying "you look healthy". I knew it was a dig but I couldn't say anything. I said it to my husband after and he thought she was just being nice.

I thought it would be helpful to hear what other passive aggressive comments others have received from your in-laws. But feel free to just share any out and out insults too. I'd also love to hear your responses, or do you all just grin and bear the comments?

I'll finish with one of her worst: when we first got engaged, she said "I was glad you didn't put it in the paper in case it doesn't work out"...

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 08:56

Are you overweight now OP? Unless you've piled on a lot of weight recently I'm not sure I would be offended by the healthy comment.

The bit about not putting it in the paper is really bad though. Why do you think she doesn't care for you?

Arkengarthdale · 09/08/2018 08:59

She went through my wedding album and commented on every person in the photos except me. Not one single comment about me. It was as if I wasn't in the photos

WatermelonGlitter · 09/08/2018 09:02

To DD , "grannys Yorkshire puddings aren't perfect like mums because they don't come out of a packet".

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 09:04

Ooh watermelon that was snide.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 09/08/2018 09:05

MIL told me in the run up to our wedding "nobody will be looking at you anyway" when she discovered a friend of mine from Uni who is now a MUA was doing everyone's makeup for the day.

When DS2 was born she told me "ooh, you've looked better" when she appeared for her visit. Yes, I'm sure you'd look somewhat ropey had you pushed out a 10lb rottweiler from your front arse 3 hours earlier, you ashen-faced shite.

Littledidsheknow · 09/08/2018 09:05

Oh great, another MIL bashing thread.

I find it bizarre, given that so many MNers are mothers, or planning to become mothers, and will likely fulfil some sort of MIL role themselves in the future that they are so determined to demonise MILS in this way: by have MIL bashing threads and perpetuating the myth of MIL as monster.

Why not just PA comments from any family member?

Letsnotargue · 09/08/2018 09:05

“I want you to have kids. I’m sure you won’t be as bad parents as you think you will” - ex-MIL on Christmas Day. All about her. I pointed out that it was actually her precious son that refused to ever make a decision about having kids (he was hoping that by delaying any decision it would end up being too late and it would be made for him).I told her to wind her neck in and stop interfering.

C0untDucku1a · 09/08/2018 09:07

When i was saying how id always wanted to move to australia but dh, while every so often made the right noises and threw out a job app, didnt. She said i should go without him.

Kolo · 09/08/2018 09:22

For my husband’s 30th birthday, MIL made a poster size photo collage thing of his life. There were photos of him as a baby, a big one of him and his mum, his sister, his gran, his aunt and uncle, his cousin, etc. All the important people in his life. There was not a single photo of me, his wife and mother of his children 😂

MariaMadita · 09/08/2018 09:27

Your MIL sounds like an arse!
My MIL:

Being concerned about my family's occult or satanic customs... (Ok, she actually means that one. Which makes it worse.)

Asking whether I felt like I could teach the LO English/ whether I was confident in my English skills... (My response about this being DH's responsibility - he's the native speaker and we don't live in an Anglo country

Original poster
oxymomon · 09/08/2018 09:27

@littledidsheknow ... re your comment "Why not just PA comments from any family member?" ... good point ... please share passive aggressive comments from all family members!

My MIL just happens to be consistently horrible to me. She views me as having taken her boy away from her. She has some real issues and struggles to see her boy as a grown man. She still tells him to "sit up straight" regularly at the dinner table ... He will be 40 in Feb!

She is horrible to me and I have to bite my tongue. I thought hearing others stories might help me cope with the insults I'm dealing with.

That Yorkshire pudding comment was exactly the type of thing I was looking for. Just mean!!!

OP posts:
MariaMadita · 09/08/2018 09:29

Her response: tinkly laugh. "At least you're aware of your limitations. I really admire that."

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 09:30

Why on earth do you have to bite your tongue? Do you let other people treat you horribly?

Failydail5 · 09/08/2018 09:31

When visiting our new house: ooh this is clean and tidy... For you.

JackietheBackie · 09/08/2018 09:34

My MIL hasn’t a pass agg bone in her body but my Mum just cannot help herself. Our children were staying with her for a few days and FaceTimed us. She wasn’t part of the conversation but was around in the background while they were tLking. The children were telling some tale and one of them said “so Daddy, you were right”. This sarky voice from the background “oh well, Daddy is always right isn’t he?”. We were cracking up.

It is so unnecessary and irritating. I used to let her comments get under my skin but I don’t bother anymore. She is amazing in lots of other ways so I know just laugh, sometimes pull her up on her comments and basically treat it as a form of Tourette’s. I genuinely don’t think she realises.

MamaHechtick · 09/08/2018 09:35

To me "I know what it's like to have a mother in law who doesn't like you very much"

At least she was finally honest that she doesn't like me 😁

harriethoyle · 09/08/2018 09:38

"You are lucky to be able to buy clothes from M and S. My waist is just too small for their tailoring!" (Tinkle laugh).

She's an ex MIL ;-)

Singlenotsingle · 09/08/2018 09:38

countduckula - you know where you stand then!!! Are you sure she wasn't just being funny? It made me laugh, anyway! Grin

Juells · 09/08/2018 09:41

My SiL was the queen of sly digs - she'd drop one into the conversation then continue speaking so you'd be left reeling and wondering if you'd heard right.
To my sister..."We're very worried about DD. She's boy-mad, like you were.". My sister had one long-term boyfriend before meeting her husband.

To me, sister and our mother, when we'd driven a long way to visit, for the first time in years... "I've been racking my brain to find something economical to cook, we've had such an expensive weekend, two lots of visitors I had to cook a roast for.". Sloshing mince and potatoes onto plates.

C0untDucku1a · 09/08/2018 09:43

single no. This was at a time when she was being an absolute cow to me and husband, an only child, could do no wrong. She frequently encouraged him to go home to hers.

She was doing his accounts for a while and i noticed after 5 months i hadnt received a penny in the bills account from him. He phoned her and she said i earn enough to support us (im a a fucking teacher not a hendgefund manager btw) so why should he have to contribute to bills!!!

In the past two years she first gave me a sizeable amount of money for the family and then gave me a her old (4 yr old) car. I think she finally realises im a saint.

BillywigSting · 09/08/2018 09:48

When I was pregnant with ds I wasn't living with dp, he had bought a house and I was a student with a few thousand pounds in savings. I was living at home to save with a view to moving in with dp once I'd finished my qualifications. I ended up pregnant halfway through my course and moving before ds was born because that then made more sense.

Mil has had the cheek to accuse me of 'coming here with nothing while he (dp) put a roof over your head'.

I ready had a roof over my head thanks, dp just asked me to move in with him a couple of months early so our child would be set up in our home and I wouldn't have to move house post partum with a new born in tow.

And I take it your grandson, thousands of pounds of savings, and multiple items of furniture is nothing is it?

Right. OK then.

I'll just go and take the nothing I brought with me then shall I? I mean it won't make a difference to dp at all will it?

She also accused me of wanting her to have nothing to do with my son because I was reluctant to have him out of my sight at 11 weeks old.

I don't take it personally though anymore. No one has ever been good enough for either of her children. (at least that's what dp and sil assure me of).

I'm noting down all of the horrible things she's said and done to me in the last decade to make sure I never do anything like that to anyone ds happens to fall in love with.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 09/08/2018 09:49

When we told mil I was pregnant (planned) and she said oh well accidents happen. And when dh went out the room proceeded to tell my how much his ex had wanted his babies and they would have been a lovely family!
I told her actually the baby was planned and shame he hadn't loved his ex enough to have kids with her... Then I left the room.
And she cried when we told her she wasn't welcome at our wedding...

Summernamechange · 09/08/2018 09:49

Unfortunately was clothes shopping with MIL when I was younger (and very thin).
Went into changing room with something from a sale. It was far too big so just put it back and made mistake of not coming out of changing rooms to show everyone.

MIL ‘was it too small, we’re you too big for it?’. ME ‘no it was enormous that’s why I didn’t come out in it’.

Sees DH, ‘Summer tried something on but it was FAR TOO SMALL’. Speaks to SIL and says the same and repeats it many many times.

And DH wonders why I never wanted to go shopping with her.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 09/08/2018 09:52

Our first born was a beautiful baby - she was like something off an advert. People in the street would stop us say "oooooh, what a beautiful baby!" Her cousin is 2 months older, and she was the type of child strangers described as "sturdy".

SIL had a problem with this..."MiniViv really is a beautiful baby. Of course, beautiful babies grow up to be very plain children".

Miaow.

Both girls are now gorgeous teenagers, but, I have never forgotten what my SIL said.

ASliceOfArcticRoll · 09/08/2018 09:53

Joining families can be tricky.

With my mil I mentioned a friend she hadn't heard me talk about before :

"Oh I thought you only had one friend!"

Probably because we have very different levels of sharing other people's lives in conversation plus she lives in a social whirl, but a that was a memorable / funny one.