Share passive aggressive comments you've received from your MIL

[oxymomon]

My MIL is a cow to me. But she is also cunning enough to be able to veil her comments so they go over the head of my husband and father in law. E.g. when I put on weight recently and she kept saying "you look healthy". I knew it was a dig but I couldn't say anything. I said it to my husband after and he thought she was just being nice.

I thought it would be helpful to hear what other passive aggressive comments others have received from your in-laws. But feel free to just share any out and out insults too. I'd also love to hear your responses, or do you all just grin and bear the comments?

I'll finish with one of her worst: when we first got engaged, she said "I was glad you didn't put it in the paper in case it doesn't work out"...

Christmas Day at the in laws, my present is a big box that has been beautifully wrapped.... open it and it’s just a cardboard box full of cleaning supplies
Whilst my house isn’t as clean as hers it is passable thanks to our cleaner
At least it makes a funny story to tell

When ds2 was born my MIL brought her sister in law to see him and then spent the entire afternoon sighing and saying that he was the ugliest baby she’d ever seen. Just before leaving she stuck the knife in by adding “he definitely takes after your side.”

On the next visit she changed it to “what does your postman look like?”

Not from MIL exactly (luckily she is lovely) but from DP’s youngest sister (who is still 5 years older than me).
MIL said in earshot of SIL who doesn’t like me “Take no notice of her, she’s being petty, she’s never liked any of his gfs since he was a kid because no one is good enough for her big brother in her mind”

I laughed hard and said “Not good enough? I’m 12 years younger, got a masters degree, I earn double what he does and his kids adore me... I’m too good for him really aren’t I?”

DP, his mum and his other sister all laughed and younger SIL just glared. First time I’ve stuck up for myself

A few minutes before our wedding ceremony: "I want you to know I told my son there's still time to cancel this whole thing"

coriander I got a gift wrapped box of Kleenex one year.

MIL bashing threads and perpetuating the myth of MIL as monster

unfortunately for many, this is not a myth, it is a reality...
And for the experience of all of my friends, there is only one who says her MIL is great and has no problems with her.

I think in many cases problems start when you've got a baby, I didn't have a problem with mine before that. I find that is the case most of the times. Some people just don't know what their place is in the family.

I have a cracking photo of her giving me malicious side eye which is helpful if I ever think I've misinterpreted her feelings for me.
We can all put our foot in it and say the wrong thing unwittingly.

A week after giving birth, MIL said to me go and stand next to that woman over there and she will make you look thin.

*When ds2 was born my MIL brought her sister in law to see him and then spent the entire afternoon sighing and saying that he was the ugliest baby she’d ever seen. Just before leaving she stuck the knife in by adding “he definitely takes after your side.”

On the next visit she changed it to “what does your postman look like?”*

piscis.....I have no words! That's just horrible! Was her son there when she said this?!

My mil is lovely.
She tends to come out with random things as in always liking an opinion on something we've bought like "how much was that,why would you buy that" blah blah blah.
The response is normally same reason you guys just had 3 foreign holidays this year really,because you wanted to
Fil however is a different ball game.
Passive aggressive and v toxic.
Can't stand the man. We fell out a cpl of years ago and didn't speak for a few months. Even mil told him off as we fell out over him having an opinion on something quite personal to me and dh and I lost it with him after years of biting tongues.

Nobody in the family ever answered back or argued with his opinion so eventually he's got to the stage in life where he thinks it's acceptable to be rude. Not with me.

He's like it with everyone though. Poor mil

He's just so arrogant and rude. Every now and then dh will put him in his place but I'd happily not be around him at all.
He even gives off a toxic atmosphere.

Going through a separation at the moment so I suppose PA comments are inevitable but...
When I came back early from a wedding because I was upset about the breakup of my own marriage and didn't want to put a downer on the occasion: "Oh dear, Tinkerbell wasn't the centre of attention for once..."
Kids were staying with them and I FaceTimed, and DD was playing up something chronic, cue MIL in background going "Oh she's been an ANGEL all day, I can't think WHY she's playing up now..."

STBXH is her pride and job and can do no wrong - sound familiar?!

too many to mention but not mil.from the mother!

My mil says to me EVERY TIME SHE SEES ME 'ooh you look tired'.

So much so that it is now a standing joke between me and my husband.

Mil and fil also don't have much of a life. Never go out anywhere/do anything.

My mum and her husband in comparison, are always going on holidays, day trips out, meet with friends for dinner. Basically a fulfilling social life.

Il's have a few bob compared to my mum and her husband, so for some reason jealousy mil always asks about her with an air of pity.

Head tilted to one side, concerned voice 'how's your mum'. Me - great, she is off to Berlin at the weekend. Mil - head tilted 'ahhh bless her'

This one is from my DM
Doing her hair in the mirror. 'I was so beautiful when I was younger, it's very hard for beautiful women to age...(pause and looks at me) you clearly take after your father.'

This one from my exMIL
(I left her 'perfect' son numerous times due to DV)
'We can always tell when you're not there, the house is tidy!'

Not my MIL who is never PA.
A cousin who constantly made PA remarks. eg when my boyfriend if two years cheated and we split up (at 29) and I was devastated 'I don't know how you cope alone. Freddy and I were just saying we'd hate to be single. I just don't know how people who are single manage'.

Another time when we were teenagers (about 13) and both chubby- her more so than me.Our mothers were talking and we were sitting reading our copy of The Jackie. She elbowed me and pointed to a photo story and pointed to me. The title was 'I am such a fat pain in the neck'.

Another time at a family party (mid 20s) - I had lost loads of weight and the dress was new. Everyone was saying I looked lovely. She said 'It's funny how we all lose weight from different places - yours never comes off your tummy until the very last few pounds. With me it's my thighs but they are more easily disguised. How much have you got left to lose?' And later on in the evening 'That dress is a lovely colour but unforgiving across the hips'.

I went NC in the end. Could not be bothered with her. Have never explained it and never regretted it.

First home, placed a tea towel over my oven hob as I had seen my Gran do it..... MIL says oh the tea towel trick! My sister used to do that ..... and she was a dirty *** as well. (Presuming I had placed it there to hide dirt!!)

SIL - someone saw me the other day from behind and though I was YOU!!! (Hearty laugh) I mean thanks a lot, I'm not a Heffer like you!!

Needless to say we are NC with SIL and DHs mum has passed away. They are all horrible on his side TBH.

@ladydick ok you win i hope they were mansized at the very least!

Positive mine always says “ooh you’ve put on weight.” I haven’t. I weigh the same as I did when I got married 20 years ago!

But then she keeps emailing me and tagging me on Facebook with the same tired joke about using shampoo for extra volume and putting on weight. I get it. You think I’m fat. I’m really not

A recent one form my MIL (not passive aggressive, I know, but I thought I'd share):
MIL: When (her beloved little boy, my DH) is vacuuming... (some comment or other, can't remember)
ME: "He doesn't vacuum"
MIL: He does!
Me: He really doesn't.
MIL: Well he's very busy, what do you expect?

When we were buying a house and I voiced concerns whether we should wait a bit longer because we couldn't see anything we liked

She called him to say I didn't want to be with him anymore and i was digging my heels in.

“I see someone didn’t bother losing weight for the holiday! Hahaha.” While looking pointedly at me. I managed to answer with “well you know you can’t improve on perfection! How’s the diet going MIL? Hahaha”. And then spent the next 2 weeks of the holiday sunbathing topless to prove my point. She wasn’t pleased. Meh. Thank god she’s the ex’s new partners problem now.

My mum is just as bad. “Are you sure you should be eating that?” Umm yeah that’s why I bought it. Dickhead

Pregnant again after 12w miscarriage and she said "well I won't get excited about this one yet"

My dh is currently in hospital. His mum came down to see him, thankfully staying in a hotel.
In the second day, they said they would come to my house at 10am.
At 9.20, I'm in the shower when the doorbell rang.
Quickly gathering myself together and throwing on a dressing gown, I answered the door.
MIL looked me up and down, 'Oh, Good Afternoon...' she tinkled.
I did point out that the washing machine was on and the house had been tidied.
I get annoyed with people who are late, but their extreme earliness drives me potty. (They arrived at our house at 7.30 one morning for a visit. Who on earth thinks that is acceptable?)

unfortunately for many, this is not a myth, it is a reality ....
And for the experience of all of my friends, there is only one who says her MIL is great and has no problems with her .... Some people just don't know what their place is in the family.

It is impossible that the mothers of sons are any worse people or less likely to understand 'their place in the family' than mothers of daughters. Many are mothers of offspring of both sexes. Therefore the widespread issue of MILs and DILs at loggerheads on here must be equally to do with the DIL. Maybe a lot of DILs have difficulty understanding the MILs place in the family.