Share passive aggressive comments you've received from your MIL

[oxymomon]

My MIL is a cow to me. But she is also cunning enough to be able to veil her comments so they go over the head of my husband and father in law. E.g. when I put on weight recently and she kept saying "you look healthy". I knew it was a dig but I couldn't say anything. I said it to my husband after and he thought she was just being nice.

I thought it would be helpful to hear what other passive aggressive comments others have received from your in-laws. But feel free to just share any out and out insults too. I'd also love to hear your responses, or do you all just grin and bear the comments?

I'll finish with one of her worst: when we first got engaged, she said "I was glad you didn't put it in the paper in case it doesn't work out"...

“Ooh is mummy not smiling at you” - to my dd At 7 mos while I am managing my PND

“Oh some women just refuse c sections for no good reason” - to me about 30 mins after I had a stillbirth

“Oh you look tired”.. “no we’re okay MiL, DD slept well last night for the first time in ages”.. “oh I don’t know if you are tired or not but you LOOK tired”.

Actually she’s just a twat.

Im still annoyed with this 3 months later. MIL talking about childcare - "I couldn't have coped without the help of [DH's] Auntie, she looked after DH and SIL a lot. But I can't do that, I enjoy my freedom".

Mine’s a nasty cow so I’ve got plenty but the first one which hurt more than it should have...
Watching girls aloud on tv and mil and declaring ‘oh to be young, thin and beautiful like them’ ‘that would be nice wishful but we can dream on’
I was 19 at the time.

When I was telling her I thought DH would get emotional at our wedding and cry “he cries at everything.” Aka it would be nothing special or mean anything - the tone was awful.

a lot of these are just aggressive with no passive at all!

My sister recently signed off a text message to me with "all the best"

We normally say 'lots of love'.

She was angry that I had pointed out that she hadn't sent me a birthday card so decided to be pass ag to hurt me.

Of course I was "reading way too much into it" lol.

How about passive aggressive gifts?
I got (in my early twenties) facial wax strips as a gift for Christmas from MIL

When we asked her for baby name suggestions, she started out with DHs exes name. He’s had just the one LtR before me (apart from a couple of relationships that lasted a month or so) so it wasn’t that anyone forgot, and unusual name too.

Ahgh it gives me the rage.

I'd just made coq au vin for my PILs and it was very tasty if I say so myself. MiL asked, "does this have a name or is it just chicken stew?"

Also had, "Have you dyed your hair?" When I said yes, absolute silence followed. It didn't look obvious or bad in any way...

In general I get on with my mother in law but somethings wind me up no end! When we got engaged 14 years ago(over christmas) we were at my parents house, on return we visited the in laws she asked to see my ring commented on how nice it was but no congratulations or talk of when we will get married(thought a bit strange) my husband had the ring especially made and had asked his mum to look after it. Fast forward to New Years eve and were at the in laws with my brother and sister in law(still no mention of engagement ring) we were all having a drink and mother in law blurted out why would anybody bother getting married or have children! I walked out and she later said she didn't know we had got engaged!! Given the fact that the fucking ring was on my engagement finger I don't know how she didn't realise.

During introductions to MiL's friend.

"This is my son Mr GreenMeerkat"

About 30 seconds of awkwardness later with friend looking at me and bank to MiL.

"Oh this is his wife"

I had a Saturday job as a youngster..... Woman I worked with said to a customer:

Yes Giveitgive has a twin! But you would NEVER know because her sister is actually VERY attractive!

This isn't even pa, just downright rude. My ex-husband was widowed young before meeting me and my Dutch MIL on meeting me for the first time said, in Dutch "Ze is niet zo slank als firstwife". Literally before she said hello. I speak a few languages so catch on easily but I don't think you even need to, to understand what that translates as. My ex would always say, when I mentioned rude and tactless comments he or his family made "oh that's just us Dutch, we don't mean anything by it". Not good enough.

Zaphod the not smiling one is awful. Sorry you had to put up with that.

ooh sorry - missed the point - supposed to be PIL's...

FIL sat next to me, lifted leg and farted when I first visited their house. I thought it was passive aggressive at first but turned out to be a traditional welcome.

On my wedding day to her son , she asked me if I can get the photographer to do a family photo, so I do I come back with said photographer , and she dismisses me so I'm standing there in my gown while she takes a family wedding photo with the whole wedding party minus the bride !!

To set the scene - Xmas at ours, pil and step mil stayed for 10 days because they were having such a nice time, my Sil plus her 2 children stayed (her 1st single Xmas) and there was me, dh, our 2 dcs aged 6 & 3, my mum and our dog. All very manic and jolly although I had to bite my tongue a lot with pil!

At one point mid present opening, mil says “it’s so lovely how mess and dirt doesn’t bother you!” Tinkly laugh!

The introductions thing is familiar..

Likewise family photo..

Snap tired re family photo on wedding day- mil also addressed our wedding gift to Dh only

10:15:56
My mother every time I told her I was pregnant
“Oh no , not another one”” with a big sigh. ( I only had 3, not 20!)
Plus many others, she disliked children, not sure why she had any!

MIL “ surely you are not feeding him again?
“ don’t be ridiculous, you will be wasting the doctors time if you take him in for that snuffle” ( bronchitis!)
“ I never took the easy way out and gave mine a dummy”

Some people make such a fuss about birthdays.

• yes I get a cheap cake , candles and sing happy birthday. What a hoopla!

Oh goodness mine has loads, but the problem with passive aggression (and the point, really) is that they won’t seem awful written down. You have to be the victim. My mil is the queen of bitchy comments though.

It makes no difference at all to me that I’m going to be someone’s MIl I’m not a nasty Peice of work

I've had something like that tiredmummyshark. DH (DP at the time) and I were engaged, I had been with him for 4 years at the time, we had booked our wedding. FIL and SMIL were getting married. On their wedding day they wanted a photo of the whole family - FIL, SMIL, SIL and family, DH - but not me as I wasn't part of the family yet.