Share passive aggressive comments you've received from your MIL

[oxymomon]

My MIL is a cow to me. But she is also cunning enough to be able to veil her comments so they go over the head of my husband and father in law. E.g. when I put on weight recently and she kept saying "you look healthy". I knew it was a dig but I couldn't say anything. I said it to my husband after and he thought she was just being nice.

I thought it would be helpful to hear what other passive aggressive comments others have received from your in-laws. But feel free to just share any out and out insults too. I'd also love to hear your responses, or do you all just grin and bear the comments?

I'll finish with one of her worst: when we first got engaged, she said "I was glad you didn't put it in the paper in case it doesn't work out"...

For those whiners demanding equality with who we complain about. I'm NC with my biological father, step-father, and sister. I've never met my half-brother. I rarely see my FIL (he works constantly) and my BIL and SIL are both lovely as are their partners, as are most of the extended family. I could fill a whole thread with the evil things my sister has done to me and others, but don't wanna.

Here are a few of mine:

My Mom:

Insisting she had to be there (from the states) the moment our daughter was born because "You two don't know a frazzling thing about babies."

I responded with "I babysat, we have books, there's YouTube videos for everything, and we'll figure out the rest."

I only regret not telling her she doesn't know what "frazzling" Actually means!

Lots of little comments about our furniture and then after I mentioned a bedding set I like but wouldn't buy she said I needed to be more assertive with my husband. Not buying new furniture and decor atm is a Mutual decision.

MIL:

After making loads of comments about furniture we "need" and sending us constant ads for furniture and my husband telling her to stop...she went and bought a cabinet off Facebook marketplace for us and was going to just bring it on her next visit without asking us first (which oddly never happened).

When we stay over at my MIL's she will watch our daughter overnight so we can sleep which is Very kind. Then she somewhat ruins that the next morning while holding our daughter pretending our daughter is talking to me "Where have you been all night you dirty little stop out?"

If everyone could stop making PA comments about our lack of unnecessary decor and furniture we don't see as a financial priority...that would be greeeeeeaaaat. 🖕

EX-MIL:

Everyone in exes family is tall and early on in our relationship his Mother said regarding my short height "You two better never have kids, can't have you polluting our gene pool." Annoying laugh.

No problem, never wanted kids with him.

I was lucky enough to have a wonderful mil and we spoke daily and even several times a day but before we were married she kept telling her son that her friends had ‘nice Jewish girls’ he could date. She accepted me though and was even happier when she found out my paternal great-grandfather had been a rabbi. Unfortunately, my angst came from dil who when arriving at my house turned in a circle in the middle of the room and pursing her lips asked me ‘So. Did you just get up one day and decide not to do anything?’ I had recently been out of work for my seventh surgery in 10 years and the second on my back because my right leg had gone completely numb and had been unable to work for seven months. I had been single since my son started college and supported him solely as his dad cut off all contact when we divorced. He received an Ivy League college degree because I worked 60+ hours a week in order to qualify for loans and my multiple chronic health problems escalated. They have now cut off all contact for over 2 years and told me ‘It’s not like you have cancer’. Now permanently disabled with kidney failure and other medical problems due to auto-immune disease, I miss my only child but not the one she turned him into who used to have compassion. They never bothered to find out what my diagnoses were. It will be a rude awakening when someone inherits those conditions. I have just reconnected in the last month with an old girlfriend of my son’s who along with her family has helped me and will be inheriting from me. I don’t understand why people can’t accept the choices that their children make but also the spouses of the children who don’t understand that their in-laws raised the person they love. They love the same person and should have some respect for each other, but sadly, like my dil, they didn’t want to share. My son did spend several deployments in war zones and does have PTSD so I put the blame solely on his wife. I did have a wonderful relationship and my mil called me the daughter she never had (she had 2 sons) but my ex refused to let me speak to her during and after the divorce. I was more upset about losing her than him😀

**nuggles
DS2 - she refuses to pronounce his name correctly but in the ‘Indian way’ - despite the fact she’s British and we chose an English name!

Told me I don’t need to go and visit my dad any more as her and FIL are now my parents, and to call her mum. Walked out their house - my mum died when I was younger.**

I’m assuming your mil is Indian. Indians call their mil and fil mum and dad, don’t take it personally. When Indians get married their PIL’s are now refereed to as mum and dad. I’ve always thought this to be weird. I also have an Indian friend whos mum died. Her dad remarried and she now calls her step mother mum!

How can you pronounce an English name, the Indian way. What was the name?

My paternal grandfather to me: "You've got a lot of brains from the

@butterflycookie

Yep she’s an Indian mother in law. I’m from a British Indian family too although none of us have these old cultural values.

Psychologies of different people no matter how frustrating are fascinating really!

That’s nice of your friend to call her Inlaws mum and Dad. I’ve never called anyone mum as mine died when I was only 3. And I refuse to to call someone who is so rude and bullying my mum when they are not. If only she were even slightly empathetic or understanding that would mean something. Can’t change some people but make the best of bad situations arising.

My sons name is devon *mil wanted to spell it Devan and pronounces is deeyvan

DP went to see her after work and she cooked him a meal, she sent me a text saying "DP is loving a proper home cooked meal food for once"

My DP has his dinner cooked and ready for him by the time he's home, all home made and healthy 😑

I do wonder if these MIL's have unhealthy relationships with their sons in some way. I mean there's every chance ur DH had no idea she thought she was providing him a service and his only good meal! Although, there are situations I've come across where the men let the MIL believe or think whatever they want as it "keeps them happy" ..... oh thanks mum a lovely home cooked meal I love your cooking.

Oh does DW not cook for you??

Emmmmm well not like this! Thanks mum!

You get the idea .... pandered to mothers who expect to be pleased and abated and put above all others

Oh and how could I forget this corker from my ex's Dad - " Now Jackie, despite what everyone says, I don't think the Irish stink, and I know most of you aren't theives". I was 19 and just moved to England and was absolutely gobsmacked.

My ex MIL having met her youngest DS's new girlfriend said to me 'she's lovely, so slim and pretty'. Not like me then eh!

With my MIL it's just always got to be about her.

For example, as we were going out to a family do, my DH said to me 'you look really pretty'. MIL shot straight back with 'what about me?'

She's also really stuck in the last century. On another occasion when we went to her house, DH took a shirt he wanted to wear but that needed an iron. She said she'd get the iron out for me. She thought I was joking when I said I don't iron, got in a huff when I told her he could do it himself, and then insisted on ironing it for him with a very martyred air. To be honest, I was pretty irritated with DH for not insisting on doing his own bloody ironing but there you go

My MIL was telling me how hugely fat her new cleaner was. "Honestly, Tigh, she's twice the size of YOU!" Huh, that fat, eh?

When I was a teenager I bought my mum a pair of 'pearl' ear-rings for her birthday. Went upstairs and found them floating in the loo. She said it was because pearls were unlucky.

My mother often used to say that if she could have her life over again she wouldn't have children.

@Tighnabruaich

I'm sure you know it nowadays but I still wanted to tell you that you definitely deserved better.

My MIL is not really passive aggressive but said random crazy things that just hurt or are barmy.

My amazing Dad died 18 months ago. He and my DM totally loved each other and had a very full enjoyable life together. We were all naturally devastated.
My Mum put huge effort into keep going out, seeing even more of her friends and trying to find volunteer roles or clubs in order to try different things etc. All while grieving of course. She rocks.

MIL asks about her 10 months on with a head tilt and a whisper -

"How's your Mum coping?"

Me - "Good actually (listing all the new things she's trying)

MIL - "Wooo she's not bothered is she? I'd be devastated if I lost FIL"

My face ---->

Mine stayed overnight and had a bath. She said "you obviously don't use fabric softeners, your towels are refreshingly rough and have exfoliated me beautifully".

I’ve been married twice. First MIL a bit outspoken, fiercely protective of her son, but an overwhelmingly positive person to have in my life and we still write even though I have been divorced from her son for 20 years.
Second MIL is the most negative, draining Down on me person I have ever met. Too many pass agg comments to write but her last one was in response to me saying I really liked living rurally and she said “until you can’t drive any more” and I said “why won’t I be able to drive any more?” And she said “well you might go blind”. The look of pure pleasure on her face when she made that statement was disgusting.
My view is that there are some cunty people in life and they have kids who get married and therefore become a MIL. A cunty MIL.
There are lovely positive people in life who have kids who get married and therefore become a MIL. A lovely MIL 🤣

I’ve had a bit of time to think about this since my last comment and another visit from my in laws where I’ve been left feeling like shit and crying 5 days after giving birth. Seeing the “oh another mil bashing thread” comments and I got me thinking about my ex mil who lived next door at the time. She has quite bad mh issues and at times it was (I feel bad for saying) draining keeping her company because she wouldn’t leave the house due to said mh issues BUT she was a flipping diamond 99.9% of the time. She adores her gd and never made me feel like shit about myself. She was always on hand to baby sit without making me feel like she was doing me a favour. She’d never get involved in mine and exh marriage unless she heard him been nasty to me (he was very abusive). She got it right. Ten years later if he says nasty things in front of my dd about me she will tell him to stop. I actually really miss her now but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I’d trade current in laws in a second for her.

The MIL bashing on this forum disgusts me by its stupidity as much as by its nastiness.

Your attitude disgusts me, as much for its ignorance as its viciousness.
Where do you get off feeling like you have the right to chastise people telling their stories? Who do you think you are?