To be annoyed at note from neighbour

[stretchmarkqueenie]

We've received a note from our ndn saying they will be having a party in a couple of weeks and want to give us a 'heads up that there will be music late into the night'. AIBU to think that if they want to have a late loud party they should hire a venue? I'm assuming the note is because we complained to them after their previous party was music until 3am and a food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food. We have young children, as do many of the other surrounding neighbours (the neighbours in question don't have children), it is generally a peaceful area. Are we now expected to spend the night away to get a nights sleep or should they be more conscientious neighbours?

Depends when their last party was?

I don't think it's unreasonable for neighbours to have the occasional late night party.

They've done you the courtesy of letting you know so if you feel strongly you can make alternative arrangements.

The mess in your own garden is another matter

Oh come on. It’s not every night, it’s clearly a one off and they’ve been kind enough to give you notice. Yes you’ll probably be grinding your teeth in anger at 1am but for one night, seriously, Chill

There are worse things that happen at sea.

"Dear NDN,

Thanks so much for your advance warning. It's reminded me that we're hosting a bouncy castle party the following morning for thirty 6 year olds. Guests are due from 9am and will probably continue bouncing their little hearts out until late into the afternoon, fuelled as they will be by coca cola and Haribo."

I got a note like that a few weeks ago from a neighbour two up. I don’t mind at all, it was a beautiful weekend and they wanted to make use of their garden. And I was working at 8am the next day.

As a one off, why get worked up about it?

I bloody wish my neighbours were this courteous! Mine just make noise into the night anyway..

More seriously, every now and again a late party isn't a crime, but the crap being thrown into your garden is not on. Any chance of handing the kids over to grandparents and just joining the party?

I agree with the above. If their last party was a while ago, I don’t think it’s a big deal. BUT I don’t think YWBU to pop over and ask them to try and keep the music at a considerate level after midnight, and also to make sure there isn’t a repeat performance of the last party and your garden.

How long ago was their last party? (I.e. how often are they doing this?)

A party once a year is non complainable i reckon. if they are note types,send one back saying you dont expect their shit in your garden.

Are you invited to the party?
Seriously, 3am is taking the piss.

Go and see them, explain about young kids, sleep, work etc, and agree what is reasonable, eg something like music not so loud that kids can't sleep, turned down at 11, off at 1, no food fights or litter.

Or you'll be giving your toddler a drumkit at 5am.
If you have young kids they probably put up with your noise, so live and let live, but no, yanbu

YABU. They should be able to have a house party.

The litter in your garden is not acceptable and I would be asking them to ensure that doesn't happen again...or come and clean it up.

YABU. They have the right to enjoy their home and the occasional party is acceptable. The note is a nice touch- parties are always more annoying when unexpected!

As to the mess in your garden, YANBU.

Have they invited you?

Don't see the issue.

That wouldn't bother me
If it was every night and on week nights I would be annoyed but I think that is a nice gesture
Most likely any kids will sleep through it

I always think though .. choose your battles. If they are overall nice and ok get on with it. I have heard horror stories of neighbours so be pleased with what you have

I’m in two minds.
Yes it’s ok for them to have a party when they want, and it’s nice for them to have let you know.
However 3am is taking the piss, as is litter in your garden.

People are still allowed to have fun once in a while. What’s the problem?

@GrumpyInsomniac

I think your suggestion is fab and I'd be organising this just to annoy them - do it as a fundraiser for something your kids are involved with locally and invite lots of people!!!!!

op - Whether it's once in a blue moon or weekly its bang out of order and I think they should hire a venue if they are planning on making tonnes of noise etc

I'd also be fuming about food fights and mess in my garden.

Just because they've written to you in advance doesn't make it acceptable!

Occasional house party- fine
Loud music until 3am- not fine
Chucking rubbish in your garden- not fine

If you get on ok with them I’d pop round and ask for music off at 1am latest and to stop rubbishing going over the fence so it’s not like last time. If they’re dicks about it you can report them to the council for the noise after 11pm.

If it's once in a while I don't think it's an issue! Once a month is too much but 2 or 3 times a year ... let them have fun!

Had they not have behaved badly at the last party I would have said YABU however the rubbish and the 3am experience would get my back up too!

God get a grip. Your neighbor is being polite and courteous - it’s a one off.

I’m sure they love h sting your kids screening all the time.

It’s a one off, relax.

Bit on the fence because I'd bend over backwards not to fall out with a neighbour and I love house parties/music but I'm not sure I actually think music 'late into the night' is okay with or without a 'heads up' if it means 3am. I go to loads of house parties and they generally move inside around 11 so as not to disturb neighbours. It sounds like they're trying to make you feel you're not allowed to complain - you definitely are if they're being out of order. Which 3am music or stuff coming in your garden definitely is.

Wouldn't bother me - I'd make a point of having a few drinks myself that night to get a good nights sleep....