To be annoyed at note from neighbour

[stretchmarkqueenie]

We've received a note from our ndn saying they will be having a party in a couple of weeks and want to give us a 'heads up that there will be music late into the night'. AIBU to think that if they want to have a late loud party they should hire a venue? I'm assuming the note is because we complained to them after their previous party was music until 3am and a food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food. We have young children, as do many of the other surrounding neighbours (the neighbours in question don't have children), it is generally a peaceful area. Are we now expected to spend the night away to get a nights sleep or should they be more conscientious neighbours?

I would like to respond requesting they are mindful of how late it goes on, and of litter but don't want to sound like a party pooper, any advice would be much appreciated!

Talk to them rather than responding via note.

I’d send them a response. Thank them for informing you of the party, hope they have a great time etc. Then ask them to consider the neighbourhood by going inside at midnight and keeping the volume down.

People in our neighbourhood sometimes have loud parties. It was especially loud when a neighbour held their daughters Indian wedding at home. It went on for days. One house maybe a street away seems to have a live band in the summer. That’s bloody loud too.

I agree given they were CF before enough for all neighbours to complain, there is a concern that that note is setting the grounds for repeats with just a note to forewarn.

3am music outside is out of order. Most licensed places in heavily populated areas arent granted that despite monies and extensive permissions, for good reason.

How approachable are they? Either talk to them to say about taking it inside at 12 and keeping your garden clear, or send back a note? Were they aware of your garden last time?

Thanks so much for your advance warning. It's reminded me that we're hosting a bouncy castle party the following morning for thirty 6 year olds. Guests are due from 9am and will probably continue bouncing their little hearts out until late into the afternoon, fuelled as they will be by coca cola and Haribo." That's brilliant. Would be very tempting to put that through.

I agree with sending a return note asking them to keep the noise down after midnight and ensure that no debris ends upon your garden.

Party is fine. As long as it isn't all the time. I am sure you will have screaming kids in the garden sometimes - and think that you are entitled to - whether anyone else likes it or not. And when your kids are teens they'll want friends round and parties - and then you'll think it is fine.

And maybe one day you moght even want to have a party yourself!
If they are awful neighbours and it is every week - different story.

Them making a mess in your garden is totally unacceptable but the occasional party isn't. It's part of their right to enjoy their own home. It's a pain on the night but not unreasonable if rare. Do you have anyone you can parcel kids off to for a sleepover and you and DH can make it a date night?

The occasional party is ok but the mess in your garden is definitely out of order. If I noticed things being thrown into my garden this time I would be turning the hosepipe on them.

YANBU. It may only be one or two parties a year but if everyone in your neighbourhood adopted that mindset and every house only had a couple of parties a year with loud music until early hours of the morning then that's not fair is it?

I've recently had to deal with a neighbour having a party with a soundsytem from 1pm until 1am and it drove me mad

I just can't get my head around how selfish you would need to be to keep your neighbours and their tiny children awake until 3am because you want to have a party

Actually I just can't get my head around how entitled you would need to be to expect your neighbours to never have any sort of party or celebration because you have kids you don't want being disturbed.

What about when it's your own DCs birthdays or weddings do you really want to set a precedent for no noise?

That said approach really depends on how often the OPs neighbours do this. Annually you suck up as part of living in close proximity to others, if it's every Friday night I can see it would be wearing. I wish they'd respond to that particular question.

If I noticed things being thrown into my garden this time I would be turning the hosepipe on them

I wish I had the guts to do this! Bloody brilliant!

Try and get an overnight babysitter for your kids,then either join the party or go out

Just make sure that the children that are not on the bouncy castle have some instruments to play like drums and bagpipes, you can improvise with with biscuit tins or saucepan and wooden spoons and some cheap plastic recorders.

Anything that ends up in your garden gets posted through the letterbox. I hate inconsiderate fuckers. Our neighbours used to love drug fuelled parties till 5am on weeknights every week. We used to wait till it had calmed down for about an hour and then use the hammer, hoover and still at the party wall. So glad we moved!

I had friends ehonhadvavparty ‘we invited all the neighbours so they can’t complain!’ Well someone did as the police closed it down!

If we are talking once in a while and excessive noise done by 11pm? Courteous to tell you. Noise and mess at 3am? Not on. And yes, wholeheartedly agree with other posters saying I'd be up with the kids at 6.30am making an almighty racket the next day.....

Outside noise after midnight is very inconsiderate IMO and personally I wouldn't dream of imposing my musical tastes on the entire neighbourhood. We had friends over on Sunday afternoon, there were 12 of us in all, just chatting and laughing in the garden, no music. Everyone was gone by 10.30pm as children needed to go to bed. My neighbour complained we'd kept him awake! Now that's unreasonable, not taking umbrage at noise, music and mess until 3am.

Could you all jump ship for that night, maybe stay at your parents or siblings overnight if you can’t afford a hotel . If you can afford it, you could make for a lovely mini break , Lego land with the kids or something.

Them making a mess in your garden is totally unacceptable but the occasional party isn't. It's part of their right to enjoy their own home.

No, playing loud music late at night is not 'part of their right to enjoy their own home'. It doesn't matter how much warning or notice they give. The note would annoy me as the people who write these notes warning people believe it gives them carte blanche for them to behave inconsiderately.

I wouldn't mention the litter.

They'll just add it to the list of ''unreasonable'' things you complain about.

If it's bad, the next day, take a picture. If it's just a few things, pick them up.

Your main problem is getting them to realise that 3am is seriously inconsiderate and a note pushed through neighbours doors doesn't make it considerate.

WonderfulWonders nailed it for me.

I really wouldn’t have a problem with this as long as it is once or twice a year rather than monthly.

Yes it’s a pain on the night but we all have a right to enjoy our properties and that includes those that wish to have a party occasionally.

My neighbours do the popping over at 20.00 to tell us the guests are gonna arrive soon. The first few parties were always an 18th, a 21st, what could I say but now I say ''oh well, have a good time til midnight''.

A food fight? They sound charming. YANBU 3am is taking the piss unless it's to celebrate something truly one-off.

At least if you know there are some things you can do to minimise the impact on you -

Not sure how old the kids are - if they're older could they go on a sleepover?
If they are staying at home could you have an indoor 'camping trip' or something and move them (and you) to the quieter side of the house away from the worst of the noise

Use white noise apps on your phone turned up really loud to mask the worst of it

Disposable earplugs for the adults

The rubbish in your garden isn't on though - were they aware of this last time? Might be worth thanking them for letting you know and asking them if they would mind trying their best to prevent a repeat performance. Or tell them you've seen a rat in their garden and if they chuck food around it will tell all its friends

As a late night music loving reveller myself I think it's rather courteous of them to take the time to let you know. I love the sound of a 3am food fight too ! G'waaaan The Phantom Flan Flinger !

I agree that a one-off isn't too bad – I wish the neighbours whose party kept us up last weekend would've given us the heads up – but "music late into the night" is a bit woolly. What have your other neighbours said?

I would reply saying while you appreciate the heads up Environmental Health does have strict rules about noise in the early hours they should make themselves aware of beforehand. That doesn't mean you're complaining now, but it's a heads up to them that you will if it gets out of hand.