To be annoyed at note from neighbour

[stretchmarkqueenie]

We've received a note from our ndn saying they will be having a party in a couple of weeks and want to give us a 'heads up that there will be music late into the night'. AIBU to think that if they want to have a late loud party they should hire a venue? I'm assuming the note is because we complained to them after their previous party was music until 3am and a food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food. We have young children, as do many of the other surrounding neighbours (the neighbours in question don't have children), it is generally a peaceful area. Are we now expected to spend the night away to get a nights sleep or should they be more conscientious neighbours?

Neighbour disputes can affect the value of a house as they have to be mentioned to prospective buyers who can sue if they are kept secret.

Therefore, it is probably a good idea not to fall out with the next doors.

The note warning about the party seems like a gesture of goodwill on their part and might offer a way forward.

Can you respond pleasantly but also ask that they keep the noise down after midnight and also that no litter is thrown in your garden.

I do not like loud parties but my neighbours throw them from time to time. I feel I have to put up with the odd one for the sake of neighbourly harmony. If I was given warning of one coming up I would be grateful for the notice and arrange to do something else that night.

3am is no good at all. I could probably stand until 1. I may put up with it though if they were generally good neighbours, having said that keeping people up to 3am is unreasonable which is why there are laws against such noise.

YABU

I live on a quiet road with friendly neighbours however if one of them were having a party, I’d be fine with it.

3am finish for the occasional party is not a problem to me even though I have children and don’t want their sleep disrupted. It’s a one-off!

When my sons were smaller they’d want to go out in the garden on the trampoline from 8am! I had to issue a rule about no trampolining in the garden until after 11am. Its about being respectful to others.

Previously I had neighbours who had loud parties every Saturday night in the garden. THAT was awful.

The mess in the garden is wrong. But your neighbours probably have no idea that happened - you should tell them so they can ensure it doesn’t happen again.

I agree with PP keeping your neighbours awake till 3am is unreasonable even if it is occasional. If everyone occasionally did that it would mean every other weekend no one on my street would get a good night's sleep.

As long as it's a Friday or Saturday night it shouldn't be an issue. However, music should be turned down after midnight as not fair for little ones to have a whole night of disturbed sleep and definitely not trash your garden.

Thank them for the heads up, and ask if they can turn the music down at 11pm (or pick a time), and ask their guests not to throw stuff in your garden.

I sympathise. We have a number of neighbours who have 'once in a lifetime' parties several times a year.

Perhaps if they paid for a hotel room for you so you could have a quite nights sleep, OK.
A party can start and finish at any time, so unacceptable for you to be kept awake by noise into the early hours.
This is your home not a nightclub, they can hire a venue that caters for party's, and not hold it in a residential area.

A loud party til 3am if you know neighbours have v young kids/babies is definitely not okay.

Also, plenty of ppl work shifts so I don't think it's cool just because it's a Fri or Sat. Once you get to the stage you're not living in student areas I would say keep the noise down after midnight latest. Earlier if you have neighbours with babies who you know you'll disturb otherwise.

I'd feel so uncomfortable having a noisy party til 3am! Whatever day of the week. Would fully expect complaints.

Some PP suggestions are ridiculous. Not everyone can just "stay away" for the night, particularly with young children/babies. Nor will ear plugs be suitable for babies!

What if it’s a funeral/baptism/wedding/40th/50th etc and you can’t afford to hire a venue?

What if it’s a funeral/baptism/wedding/40th/50th etc and you can’t afford to hire a venue?

Have them at your house and don’t inconvenience the neighbours. It’s not really rocket science.

What if it’s a funeral/baptism/wedding/40th/50th etc

Playing loud music till 3am isn't obligatory at any of those events. Hold them at your house, but keep noise to acceptable levels and finish at a reasonable time.

Londonerlovef Ridiculous. No reason any of those celebrations need to involve loud music and shouting til 3am. Even at the messiest of house parties I've been to (pre DD) we've moved inside and been mindful of the neighbours after about 11pm. And that's in areas without lots of families/elderly people etc. Some noises are unavoidable, we often have dogs barking at all hours round here and building work going off when DD is trying to nap, but that's just life. Hosting a noisy party until 3am is deliberately inconsiderate and selfish and I would be having none of it.

OP, if it was me I'd be going round in person and explaining why it's so disruptive for you. Much better face to face than swapping notes back and forth.

Why does a party till 3am have to be loud with people shouting?
I have no problem with people having a party till 3am, I don’t expect it to be an episode from shameless though. Is it not possible to have a respectable party at home with noise levels louder than usual?

@jaques isn’t that the whole point? To have a party in the home?

Are you all honestly telling me that if your neighbour approached you and informed you that their daughter was getting married and they were hosting at home as they could not afford a venue, you would tell them no it’s inconsiderate? No ones that mean!

I’m not sure anyone’s been to a really good house party here... 😕

I’m not sure anyone’s been to a really good house party here... 😕

Why? Because my idea of fun doesn’t mean raging drunk and loads of noise?

I

if your neighbour approached you and informed you that their daughter was getting married and they were hosting at home as they could not afford a venue, you would tell them no it’s inconsiderate?

No, of course not - I would just expect the noise to be kept to a minimum after midnight.

I've been to plenty of messy and fun house parties in my time that lasted until the following afternoon. But if you're living in a peaceful area surrounded by families you're mindful of that and do things differently, unless you're a completely selfish arsehole. If you're in studentsville surrounded by other like-minded folk it's obviously a different kettle of fish.

@londonlover you're missing the point.

I'd be tempted to get a babysitter and ask if I could join the party (not had an evening out without children since March 2013!).

@likeacrow I think everyone else is missing the point. The fact that they own their own property/rent. They could do a lot of things that would annoy people on a daily basis and would be completely within their rights. If they are considerate neighbours in general, then wouldn’t it be considerate to allow them to have a party on one evening.

Our really nice neighbour used to have the odd party with late night music (past midnight). DH had to go around one night at about 12:30am to ask if they could turn it down a notch as we were the other half of their semi detached and really couldn't sleep. The NDN opened the door wearing nothing but a very small pinny!!!

Be warned OP

Call the police every 30 mins from 11 pm. That'll do the trick.

They've been courteous enough to give you advance warning about an occasional event. They've done the right thing and now it's your turn.