To be annoyed at note from neighbour

[stretchmarkqueenie]

We've received a note from our ndn saying they will be having a party in a couple of weeks and want to give us a 'heads up that there will be music late into the night'. AIBU to think that if they want to have a late loud party they should hire a venue? I'm assuming the note is because we complained to them after their previous party was music until 3am and a food fight that meant our garden got covered in litter and food. We have young children, as do many of the other surrounding neighbours (the neighbours in question don't have children), it is generally a peaceful area. Are we now expected to spend the night away to get a nights sleep or should they be more conscientious neighbours?

They haven’t said 3am in their note, so maybe pop round and ask what they mean by late and negotiate from there?

I don’t think shoving a note through your door informing you that they intend to make lots of noise, means it ok. Regardless if it’s once a year or every month. I think I could just about tolerate a party that had unexpectedly gone on till early hours, as a one off, but a planned one is taking the pis.
It’s a residential area. If the want a party until the early hours, they should be taking it in doors at around midnight ish.
Pubs and such like, for one off events - new year etc.. have to apply for special licences to stay open longer, even then there will be caveats around noise and advising patrons to respect neighbours etc..
Explain ok, but you would appreciate it if they could take it indoors and lower music etc.. after xx time. Don’t let them think that dropping a note through, gives them carte Blanche to do whatever they please.

Ugh.

Indoors at midnight, music lowered at 1 at the latest.

Why is that so hard?

They have the right to enjoy their home, but they legally don't have the right for their enjoyment to exceed the boundaries of it - and the sound does.

If you want to carry on partying at that time, go to a club.

Its good they have let you know but i would talk to them about it face to face. I'm sure your only allowed to have loud music etc till 11pm in built up areas? Although i could be wrong. I would remind them you have children and ask that after a certain time music be kept to a minimum. Yes they've let you know but if they are planning a wild night i suspect you won't be the only neighbourghs complaining x

This wouldn't bother us at all even with young children. They've given you a couple of weeks notice if it's that much if an issue go and visit friends or family for the night.

Although it is reasonable to just put up with noise from parties occasionally it is also fair to expect that the party holders have some consideration for their neighbours. Our neighbours had their annual party in the garden last weekend. It is only once a year so we just grin and bear it. This time however they really overstepped the mark.

They turned the music on full blast at lunchtime on Saturday while they were setting things up and waiting for the football to start. Blessed relief when it went off for the footie. Back on again afterwards and it stayed on until tea-time on Sunday. To be fair they did turn it down after midnight until about 10.00 am the next morning but still audible as it was too hot by far to have windows closed.

Apparently they warned some neighbours and invited some but giving a heads up doesn't really make it OK to completely disregard anyone else's right to enjoy their own home in relative peace.

WonderfulWonders, unless it's New Years Eve, 3 am is taking the piss.

I go to a lot of house parties and around Midnight, you start to keep the noise down, especially outside.

if it's that much if an issue go and visit friends or family for the night.

OP has said that she hasn't got Family close by. How many Friends have enough spare room for a whole Family to come and stay, on a Weekend, when they want to relax/have Family time/get housework done etc.

OP, I would start asking if they would keep the noise down from Midnight.

If you want to party all night, you hire a venue, or even a party apartment.

3am is taking the piss.

Unless you live deep in the countryside and are the only two houses for miles around, I assume you have other neighbours, who will most likely be very annoyed by it all too.

I think you should have another word with them about what you consider acceptable time (the rest of the world thinks 11/12 really). And then if they don’t stick to it, call the noise police. They will at least tell them go turn it down.

Not everyone has family nearby, or friends with whom they're on such terms as to stay overnight at their house. In the OP's position, my only option would be to stay in a hotel/B&B which would have to be dog-friendly. 3am is too late for loud noise.

Isn't it illegal to be unsociable after 11pm?
I would tell your neighbour you appreciate the warning and will be staying in an hotel for the night and trust they will be footing the bill.

Lots of comments along the line of “people are allowed to have fun once in a while”.

Well quite. But why does fun = noisiness and disruption?

When did people get to be so intolerant? They've had the courtesy to give a heads up and given plenty of notice. Surely a late night party once in a few months is reasonable?

I'd have a quick word thanking them for letting me know and asking if they could make sure my garden wasn't full of rubbish the day after. Music at 3am wouldn't bother me at all, shouting and screaming would.

Thanks for your note, we are a bit confused -is this to warn us it will be similar to last time? We hope you have a nice time, but after 11pm we will expect to hear no noise as you will have moved inside. The fighting / screaming worried us last year and the litter put in our garden during the party wasn't nice. Here's a bottle of wine and some nibbles in advance -have a drink on us but please keep it down after 11pm.

Ach, I'd far rather be on friendly terms with my neighbours than make a fuss over the occasional party. I suppose you could send a note back saying something like, 'Thanks for the heads-up, sounds fun. Would you mind keeping the noise down a bit after midnight so the kids can sleep? Have a great time!'

But to be honest I wouldn't even do that, I'd either do nothing or send a wee note back just saying 'thanks for the heads-up. Have a good time!' Especially if they're otherwise decent neighbours.

Actually no.

People who want to have parties with music outside until 3am should move and go to live in the middle of nowhere. In your typical semi, with your back garden facing 3-5 other people's gardens, you are going to be pissing off a lot of people.

Going indoors and keeping noise down after 11 is the acceptable thing to do. And food fights littering other people's gardens are never on.

To begin with I thought you were being a bit unreasonable as I was thinking I've sent notes to my neighbours to forewarn of parties and see it as a courtesy BUT

on reflection I think it very much depends on the wording of the note.

In my notes I write to my neighbours to let them know that there will be a potentially noisy party on a certain date so that they know what is going on, but I also say "we will try to keep the noise down, but please if it gets too loud or too late do feel free to pop round and let us know and we'll make sure we turn it down." which I think is why I immediately thought you were being OTT.

but it sounds like your note hasn't made any concession to that sort of thing they just think that by giving advance notice they can get away with doing whatever they like.

I say go round there and talk to them about reasonable end times and the mess.
If they are total cunts, put your speakers against the party wall first thing in the morning and play bass all day while they are trying to sleep!

I'm really at some of the replies on this thread from people who think it's okay to make loud noise in a residential area until 3am, as long as it's only every now and then. It really isn't. Your own enjoyment shouldn't be at the expense of disrupting everyone else living around you. Obviously everyone is entitled to have a party, but the courteous thing to do is either keep the volume down when it starts getting late, or you have the party in a suitable venue where late noise is okay.

OP in your case I'd send a note back saying 'thank you for giving us some notice of your party, obviously we hope you all have a nice time. Can we politely ask though that any noise is kept to a minimum after 11pm'.

Actually I just can't get my head around how entitled you would need to be to expect your neighbours to never have any sort of party or celebration because you have kids you don't want being disturbed.

But this isn’t one person’s children being kept awake. Other people sleep too. This will be the entire neighbourhood being kept awake.
I don’t think expecting quiet at 3am is entitled.

We've had a fair few parties/gatherings over the last 5 years in our house. We're in our 20s. Not once have we kept the music up past midnight. My adjoining NDNs are retired and the other NDNs close by are older but working so no children/babies either side. I don't think it's acceptable to make so much noise you disturb others. If it's a staying in type of party then surely you want to talk and laugh with people, not shout over music. If you want that then go to a club! A note doesn't excuse bad neighbourliness.

Jesus. People with children aren’t the only people in the world, nor are they the most important, OP. Your needs don’t trump your neighbours based on that alone.

Unfortunately one party might cause one late night for your kids - so what? It’s not going to ruin their lives or sleeping pattern for eternity. I think you’re getting worked up for no reason.

One day you might actually have a party of your own, or your kids will? I think complaining about a one off party will just open the floodgates to sour neighbourly relations, so prepare yourself for complaints against yourself/your kids too. I imagine kids can be quite noisy too!

Very rude of them not to invite you imho.

Onr person's party affects every household that can hear it, so it is selfish.
It's not unreasonable to expect your kids to be able to sleep at night - it won't be the neighbours dealing with cranky children the next day. They'll be sleeping off their hangovers.
There might also be people on that street who have early shifts at work or are ill or have to do a long drive the next day.
If you want loud parties, book a club or buy a house in the arse end of nowhere or get soundproofing!

3am + mess in your garden is taking the mick.
These threads make me very thankful I live 2 miles from my nearest neighbour.