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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

298 replies

KittyKat73 · 11/07/2018 08:55

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. Confused She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

OP posts:
RepealRepealRepeal · 11/07/2018 08:56

Yanbu. She is being a twat.

crumble26 · 11/07/2018 08:57

YANBU.
Your baby - your rules.
And better safe than sorry, etc

CreakyAuldYin · 11/07/2018 08:57

Yanbu. DH had to explain this to his parents who were the same. They weren't snidey arseholes about it though and eventually got it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/07/2018 08:58

Presumaby by the time she drinks it, it isn’t very hot.

IsAnyoneElseMissingCheese · 11/07/2018 08:59

Don't let her hold him while she has a cup. Just don't hand him over or don't make the tea.

I'd be the same, it's not worth the risk. My dad had a cup of tea spilled on him as a child and he has full scarring on 60% of his arm now.
Just because she hasn't spilt so far doesn't mean it can't happen!

ProfessionalBarren · 11/07/2018 08:59

Gosh, I thought you meant just not drink tea ever! No you’re NBU, that’s just an accident waiting to happen.

Loungingbutnotforlong · 11/07/2018 09:00

Just pick your baby up and take them away until she has finished her drink- every time. She is being ridiculous and selfish.
YANBU

LutherRalph1 · 11/07/2018 09:00

Yanbu, it's a scary thought. I drink from a travel mug now so it won't spill plus it keeps tea hotter for longer

Riddo · 11/07/2018 09:02

YANBU

Babdoc · 11/07/2018 09:02

If she had ever been to A and E and seen babies with horrific scalds from spilled tea or coffee, she wouldn’t be so damn unreasonable.
Why on earth do you let her do this even once, let alone repeatedly? You are putting your baby at risk of serious injury. I would take the baby away from her as soon as the tea tray arrives on the table, and tell her it’s not negotiable.

GahWhatever · 11/07/2018 09:03

When I had DC inot holding a baby and a hot drink simultaneously was one of the tick questions in the red book that the HV went through with you when you had a newborn. Is this still the case? If so, show them the book if they think you are just being PFB as it may carry more weight with them than your thoughts at the moment.

queenofthemountains · 11/07/2018 09:04

YANBU, I've seen babies burnt by hot drinks, it's horrific, I'll never forget the baby who had black coffee spilt on him.

Dustywillow · 11/07/2018 09:04

Yanbu and I say this as a relative dropped a cup of tea over my sibling when the were a baby!

Luckily she was ok after a hospital stay but she still has scars from it down her face to her neck.

It’s just not worth the risk. Just don’t hand your child over until she’s finished her tea.

Zadocthepriest · 11/07/2018 09:06

My sister used to do this (before she had her own children) and even if the baby wasn't at risk of being scalded, the toddler would knock it over.
In our local school, the staff are only allowed to drink from covered mugs...something you could insist on at home too.

Sparklyshoes16 · 11/07/2018 09:07

As pp have said take the baby away every time she has Tea and tell her full stop you are not holding whilst you have a hot drink in your hands!...Just googled Tea scalds on babies, horrific pictures why on earth your MIL won't take that seriously is beyond me! Show her pics and hopefully she won't be so thick.

Fluffyears · 11/07/2018 09:08

Just take baby back she can have tea or baby not both and if she makes snide comments ignore her. Your baby is helpless and as it’s mother your job is to protect it. Surely she doesn’t desperately need tea whilst she is holding your baby.

Fluffyears · 11/07/2018 09:12

Maybe blame the baby a bit so she doesn’t think you are saying she’d be careless. He flails about so much he knocks everything over. I don’t understand her comment either she is holding and interacting with her grandchild or drinking tea. She doesn’t need to do both simultaneously.

TheABC · 11/07/2018 09:12

I agree with the other posters. You need to put your foot down. If you are a tea drinker yourself, get a covered travel mug. It will stop your mobile baby from spilling tea if you put it down within reach (and keep it hot).

Onynx · 11/07/2018 09:14

At 5 months babies are really wriggly and interested in things- it would take just seconds for those little hands to knock off the cup, or shake your mil's arm or pull it down on herself.....

olympicsrock · 11/07/2018 09:14

Stupid woman! YANBU

auntyflonono · 11/07/2018 09:15

Take him away from her, every time.

Original poster
KittyKat73 · 11/07/2018 09:18

Thanks everyone!

I was actually starting to think I was crazy judging by her reaction.

Just to clarify I never let her drink the tea while holding him. Usually when she arrives she picks him up then asks for tea ( I have tried not offering tea on purpose but she just says " so are you making me tea?" )

when i bring it through ill put it on the table away from DS and as soon as she reaches for it while holding him ill ask if she could put him in his moses basket or chair or ill take him while she has her tea. This is usually always met with eye rolls and tuts except for last time she turned DS around and said to him" oh i forgot im not allowed to cuddle you while I have tea because mummy says so, mummys a bit precious" or words similar.

Once she ignored me and continued to lift up the cup and take a drink and I did snap at her and say ill take him (did feel bad afterwards but thought no im protecting my son). We dont have the best relationship but thats a completely other story and I could write a book about everything shes done but we both make an effort to meet up at least once a week so she can see DS. shes quite a selfish/ I need to be right/ have things done my way person so im assuming this battle is part of that.

OP posts:
BlueBug45 · 11/07/2018 09:18

I have two relative with burns from hot water gained as toddlers - so she is being completely unreasonable.

She can drink tea or hold a baby/toddler/small child not both. Stupid bloody woman!

MMM3 · 11/07/2018 09:19

Show her the pictures of scalded babies. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Pippylou · 11/07/2018 09:20

Let her drink her tea, remove the baby. Daft woman. I drop cups all the time, would never hold a baby at the same time.

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