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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

298 replies

KittyKat73 · 11/07/2018 08:55

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. Confused She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

OP posts:
Motherof · 12/07/2018 22:06

Your baby your rules,she seems to enjoy annoying you with it,and she could harm the baby if that hot tea spills.

RedDwarves · 12/07/2018 22:07

I can't believe the responses on this thread.

How ridiculous.

I agree with her that you're being precious.

pallisers · 12/07/2018 22:13

I can't believe the responses on this thread.

Do the laws of physics not apply where you live?

RedDwarves · 12/07/2018 22:20

Do the laws of physics not apply where you live?

Do the laws of probability not apply where you live?

How likely is it that she's going to spill her tea on a baby?

Not very.

I can't imagine anyone I know getting het up about this, but then we're not quite so precious in this neck of the woods.

SoShinySoChrome · 12/07/2018 22:20

Yes, I can’t believe the responses either. Shocking how many lives changed forever or ended due to unthinking carelessness which is easily avoidable.

SoShinySoChrome · 12/07/2018 22:22

Not very

Take this tablet. It might be aspirin, but it might be arsenic. I’ve put one poison pill in the bottle. You’ll probably be fine.

DML13 · 12/07/2018 22:27

How would she like a cup of hot tea spilled on her head? YANBU and how dare she make snide comments. I would say your out of teabags and she'll have to make do with a glass of water. Or serve her tea in a beaker with the comment ''just getting you used to beakers they use in the residential home I was keen on getting you into..''

pallisers · 12/07/2018 22:30

How likely is it that she's going to spill her tea on a baby?

I admire your nerves of steel up in that neck of the woods. It isn't many people would cooly run a risk/benefit analysis on permanent scarring to their 5 month old baby. Is your neck of the woods Sparta by any chance?

brizzledrizzle · 12/07/2018 22:46

Show her this link www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-shares-graphic-pictures-baby-12223115

it is photos of a baby burnt with hot tea, just to warn you the pictures are unpleasant.

loubielou31 · 12/07/2018 22:50

Oh my goodness YANBU! EVERY time I tried to drink a cup of (gone cold) tea whilst holding one of my DC's I managed to spill it on them and I was reminded why I didn't have hot drinks around them. Surely this is just obvious.
In my experience getting very cross ( possibly swearing but maybe that's just me) and forcibly making my point makes my il's take notice. I haven't had to do it often but it is quite effective.

SummerIsEasy · 12/07/2018 22:50

Hide the kettle before she comes round, say it is broken. Your house, your rules, but be careful about leaving your DC in her sole charge after this as she has shown such a lack of concern and awareness for the DC's safety.

LillianGish · 12/07/2018 22:54

It’s not even a case of your baby your rules - this shouldn’t be the rules for anyone with any baby. If she tried to take him on a car journey sitting in her lap you wouldn’t hesitate to intervene would you? Even if she said “Silly mummy we didn’t have car seats in my day”. I really think we need some proper public health information on this kind of thing. I can’t believe anyone thinks it is OK. Just look at the number of examples of babies and small children being scalded on this thread alone. I used to have a friend who worked on a burns unit so it is something I’ve always been super aware of - it’s amazing how many people are not.

SummerIsEasy · 12/07/2018 22:59

RedDwarves

Parents decide for themselves about how their children should be cared for. If "only" one child was scalded in the UK every year, it would be one avoidable injury inflicted by an uncaring adult. Totally unacceptable to the parent and more importantly, the child, who would suffer as a result.

Thehappygardener · 12/07/2018 23:12

You are NOT being unreasonable, your MiL is!

I was a health visitor working on a paediatric ward and hot drinks and babies do NOT mix. Plus your MiL should listen to you, you are the mum, not her.

As a MiL and granny, I do hope that I would not be as thoughtless as your MiL. 🌺

Italiangreyhound · 12/07/2018 23:34

YANBU.

It's really dangerous.

Please just tell her no, and take the baby off her if a cup of tea appears, just say I'll hold baby while you enjoy your tea.

And give her the facts...

'More than 500 children under five are taken to hospital every week because of burns and scalds and the majority of these accidents are due to hot drinks.

Crawlers and toddlers are most at risk.

A hot drink remains hot enough to scald a baby or young child 15 minutes after it has been made.'

firstaidforlife.org.uk/burns-and-scalds-how-to-help-2/

If she does not agree just take baby away from her.

Italiangreyhound · 12/07/2018 23:37

You are not being precious, of course, but even if you were, be as precious as you like. This is your baby not some silk cushion you want kept pristine!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/07/2018 23:38

YANBU. Your baby is at risk if she continues to try this. I'd be very uncomfortable having her around a very young baby and would find it very hard to trust her, when she is so pig headed.

TommyJoesMummy · 12/07/2018 23:57

YABU... to doubt yourself! She's your MIL and a snide. Sounds like she can make her own drink once a week, as she's visiting family with a new baby. 😡 at the callousness she gives the idea of horrifically scalding a baby cuz she'd rather be up her own arse!
Having older Grandkids doesn't translate as her having a brain-or even a small clue, clearly!
I'd rip her a new one for the next comment or movement towards repeating that again, and she'd be on the outside of a shut door!
Then I'd leave your DH to pass along all the images of what can happen as a response to the next bit of shite out of her mouth, and maybe get the HV around for a specific 'talk' the next time she wanted to be allowed near your baby, cuz she's clearly too thick and selfish to be trusted to care.
(Sorry, but waiting until an accident happened to get her to learn not to put a baby in danger... it's got to me a bit...) Good luck 😉

khakoney · 13/07/2018 06:39

No YANBU

RoboticSealpup · 13/07/2018 09:13

*How likely is it that she's going to spill her tea on a baby?

Not very.*

That's ok then. Only a small chance of horrifically scarring the child. Totally worth it for a cup of tea.

RoboticSealpup · 13/07/2018 09:26

We visited PILs when DD was 7 months.

My PILs thought that we could skip the car seat because they never used to have one.

My dad let DD play with newspaper unsupervised in the car while he was standing outside of the car. When I looked inside, she was eating it.

My Dsis took a used bottle teat and rinsed it in cold water for two seconds before giving it to me DD. It was covered in old milk. She also microwaved formula with a boiling hot spot on the middle, dripped a microscopic drop on her wrist without sharing the bottle first and decided it was fine. She refused to admit it was too hot until I opened it and it was fucking steaming.

Dsis also let her 8 year old DS "look after" DD while I was in the shower. He was just about to try to lift her over the very high edge of the travel cot when I came out.

I was a nervous wreck the whole "holiday". These people are not idiots. I honestly don't know that happens to people around new mothers. It's like they have to prove that you're being "precious" by acting reckless.

JustVent · 13/07/2018 09:31

I expect this has already been suggested but could you make a very cool cup of tea?

She’ll get the picture.

She sounds like a bitch. She’s doing it deliberately and undermining you on purpose.

LillianGish · 13/07/2018 09:59

These people are not idiots There are many seemingly innocuous things which are dangerous for babies and young children - feeding them grapes and cherry tomatoes, playing with balloons - great fun when full of air, a lethal choking hazard when deflated. My own mum’s personal crusade was against letting children walk around drinking from those sippy cups with spouts after witnessing a horrific accident with a friend’s child who tripped and the spout went through his palate leaving him with dreadful scarring. People either forget or are unaware in the first place. I think a gentle explanation is required in the first instance - show the MIL the stats and photos if necessary, rather than a fierce rebuke, but if she continues to try and prove some kind of point then you have to have a zero tolerance policy. As his mum your job is to protect your baby so if you don’t want him sitting in a fug of smoke, cuddling up next to a snappy dog, travelling in a car without a car seat or being in close proximity to boiling liquids then you need to act to remove him from danger. You would hope that the person putting him at risk would react by saying “Really sorry, I just didn’t think.” If they choose to take offence then that is their problem.

Nannee · 13/07/2018 10:48

You're making an assumption - that could be because you personally wouldn't drink hot tea whilst holding a child but most people drink tea at a temperature that is higher than the water they would bathe a baby in.

Babies are much more sensitive to heat remember, otherwise we'd give them warm baths rather than body temperature.

BoogieBomb · 13/07/2018 10:55

I wonder if she would be so keen to have someone hold a switched on hairdryer over her the bath. I mean..don't be so silly, it couldn't possibly be dropped - right? She sounds like a twat. She clearly doesn't mind as the possible consequences won't affect her.