AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

[KittyKat73]

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

YAnBU. Actually, I remember a thread a few years ago from a lady who had a friend accidentally spill hot tea or coffee over her baby while the baby was in the pram. I think the friend had done something ridiculous like balance the tea on or in the pram. It was a horrific injury and the little girl had skin grafts.

Some things are worth falling out over! You are not being precious at all.

If she truly adored DS she wouldn't try and repeatedly drink hot tea whilst holding him. It really does seem she is now doing it solely to annoy you. I would only be seeing her when your DH is there.

I spilled hot tea luckily missing DD when she was 3 days old.
I didnt learn my lesson because i still try to have a cuppa while shes hanging off my tit. But im her mother.
Absolutely zero tolerance when it comes to anyone else.

I'm outraged on your behalf op, how dare she take such risks. I have 6 grandchildren and i would never have needed to be told not to drink hot drinks while holding them as babies. Just why would you.....Stupid woman.

If she doesn’t seem to like you very much then why is she even coming round when your DH isn’t there?

The thing is it doesn't matter if your being precious, its your child she should respect that. My mil tried to insist that my daughter slept on the top bunk bed while on holiday she was only 3 and i was worried she would fall out. It was so unnecessary as i had easily made different sleeping arrangements. She and my husband made me feel as if i was such an anxious parent!! Its ridiculous as like you there is a choice. Luckily im divorcing so dont need to worry any more :-)

YANBU

And, as PP remark about the passive-aggressive comments and the fact that she's talking over you - I feel the breeze of red flags and the need to head off future unpleasantness by establishing boundaries around how she can talk to your DC.

"You're not holding my baby and drinking tea, and that's that."

Don't apologise, don't sound angry, don't explain. Remove her tea from the room before she holds the baby.

If she kicks up a fuss about why you're doing that:

"Because I wholeheartedly trusted you not to before and you did it anyway. Let's just not do it again and move on."

Print off pictures of scalded babies and next time she does it put them on her lap

She sounds nasty and controlling. The passive aggressive comments about 'mummy' need to stop as well as the risk taking.

Its cups of tea now, who knows what it will be when your kids are older.

She seems so intent on doing what she wants that she is willing to risk burning/scalding her GS.

That would be enough to think that she doesn't deserve to see him.

If she asks you to make her tea, tell her to get one for herself and you will hold DS until she has finished it. And any requests to hold him are met with 'not until you've finished your tea, you know the rules.'

She is being ridiculous and it sounds like she’s doing it to make a point now. It’s almost worse now your baby is older. Far bigger and more moving around to knock the tea or wriggle out of reach!

i dont know why shes still comg round tbh-you dont have to invite her

as for babysitting id say thats off the table for the foreseeable if you dont trust her

Yanbu- I have a friend who has a massive scar on his torso because an adult spilled a hot tea on him when he was a baby.

My mil will sometimes insist on drinking tea whilst she’s holding my baby. At first I would politely say oh let me take him so you can drink that. She’d look a little put out and say I’m fine.
Now I just take the baby away without any explanation.
It’s s pathetic attempt at control and not in any way worth the potential consequences.

Yanbu I didn't think people were still so unreasonable as to do this!

Stick firm OP. No tea near baby.

She sounds insufferable. I would stop making her tea!

BunsOfAnarchy
What's the magic about you being her mother? Does it stop the tea from landing on her?

@BunsOfAnarchy are you actually serious! You've not learnt your lesson and it's ok because you're her mother?

I really am shocked by your reasoning, itts ridiculous and you're neglectful in your parenting.

I have a similar problem that my ILs don't listen to anything we say about looking after our DCs, although it's usually well intentioned from them, they just don't understand why car seats are necessary for example, no matter how much we explain, because they didn't have them when their DCs were growing up and they survived! I think they think I'm over the top with safety and other things too. I let a lot of things pass, but anything safety related I think you have to put your foot down even if it involves hurting their feelings, particularly while your children are too young to defend themselves. You are definitely doing the right thing and YANBU

@clobcuts @campion i dont think my sarcasm came across very well! (Italics fail and grin face fail)
I did learn my lesson dont yous lot worry! I assure you i do not have boiling hot cups of water near my baby.

@BunsOfAnarchy phew! 😅

Even if she stops with the tea, someone acting like that towards me would not be visiting as frequently as once a week! You dont need the stress when you have a baby.