AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

[KittyKat73]

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

NU - this is actually an irrational fear of min. Or rational if you see it my way. I bought travel mugs that have a lid and don't spill. The ones you have to hold a button while you drink. So that nothing can spill accidentally.

My DB was scolded badly by black coffee when he was 5. Has scarring all down one arm.

My best friend was looking after her 4 younger siblings while her mum went on a date. We were both 10 yo. Her baby brother pulled a mug of tea over himself. I will never forget the sound of him crying and her screaming, carrying him through the street to our house. My mum took them both to a&e and my dad stayed home with me and DB + the other kids. When their mum got home, literally the entire street was outside waiting for her. She fainted and was obviously devastated.

Rational fear or not, why take the risk when a travel mug is so cheap and easily used?

And my DS was in hospital recently. The ward policy was no hot drinks at bedside unless it's in a travel mug.

Drinking hot beverages around a baby is a big fat no and she should know better. I once had a cup of tea in my hand and I don't know why but had my son in the other. He knocked the tea and I remember diverting it quickly away from him and over myself. It went down my front and on my boob and I screamed in pain for 5 minutes. It was the worse pain I've ever felt. That would scald a baby very badly, possibly scar.

Also, what is your MIL doing in the run up to drinking the tea? Is she boiling the kettle with baby in one arm? There was a woman on here years ago who had massive issues with her MIL. The baby had had a skin graft on their ankle due to boiling water from a kettle being knocked over when MIL was making tea and holding DC. The MIL stopped having him/her then started hassling OP's DH again to have him on her own. The OP was really upset and didn't want MIL to have them again on their own.

I know I've just scared you, but you need to tell her NO before DC gets hurt.

I too thought you meant for MIL not to ever drink tea!

But she definitely shouldn't be drinking tea while holding he baby. And I wouldn't be meeting her every week if she 's going to behave like a twat every time. Cut the visits down to once a fortnight.

YANBU. When my oldest was a baby she was sleeping in her Moses basket. My MIL walked over with a cup of tea in her hand and leant over to look at her, the mug tipped and my knee jerk reaction was to shout “What the fuck are you doing?! Your mug!!!” I don’t understand why people want to risk it!

Just remembered one of the dads at our NCT class had severe burns from dipping his hand in to a mug of tea as a baby. He didn't have any fingers and the skin was scared and fused together.

He was annoyed that there was no mention of safety when having hot drinks near babies. The teacher at the time said it was not on the agenda/curriculum because it's common sense.

YANBU
Stick to your guns. It gets more dangerous too, as they get more active and may suddenly shoot their arm out.
Tea at a comfortable drinking temperature will badly scald a baby as their skin is so thin.
I'd also call her out on the snide remarks about your being 'precious'.
Yes, show her photos of scalded babies if you have too.

Just say to her "my baby, my rules" and tell her that if she really loved & cared about her GC she wouldn't risk it. Babies wriggle & it isn't worth the risk. I am fairly old but even when I was young, everyone knew that you never held a hot drink while you were holding a baby. I also think you should scale back those weekly visits as she obviously has no respect for you or your DC.

Isn't this the whole reason why people joke to new parents about how they'll never have a hot cup of tea again?

... Wine, on the other hand ...

Why do you see her?

She's fed you the perfect opening: "Are you going to make me tea?", your response: "Not unless you put the baby down to drink it".

Ask her if tea is really more important to her than her grandchild.

If so you're happy to stay away and let her drink all the tea she wants.

What's wrong with these people. Really!

She is battling you over a cup of tea, destroying the relationship, showing you you can't trust her to put babies health and safety first. Because she needs her tea.

She is playing mind games. It's a totally reasonable request.
Scalds are the second most common form of injury in childhood after falls, and they are most commonly spilt hot drinks.

Point her at this website
Child Accident Prevention Trust. You've asked her, you've shown her the evidence - if that doesn't work, here is a story.

If you have a DP, I hope they are backing you up.

Lots of pictures of babies scalded by tea, a quick why would you risk putting my baby through horrendous pain and years of operations because you can't wait a second or put baby down to get your tea. A relatove of mine suffered serious burns from tea as a baby. YANBU and if she continues ban her from holding her grandchild.

She’s an idiot op. Don’t make her tea. And don’t leave her alone with your baby she can’t be trusted.

I was scalded as a child by boiling water from the egg poacher.

It’s utter agony and with scalds the agony lasts and it feels like you are burning for weeks after.

Don’t risk it

Yo need to set boundaries now as it'll get harder to keep hot tea out of his way - all children places (hospital clinics, children centres etc) don't allow hot drinks as it can cause scarring for life - tell her now that she can't have tea whilst handling a baby and perhaps keep the tea drinking to the kitchen table In Future as soon he'll be coasting and walking and that's uber dangerous territory for hot drinks in reach

My mil lifted a pan of boiling water (with potatoes in) over the top of my crawling dc!!!
I really dislike the woman...there are SO many awful, selfish, things she's done.

Next time you make her tea, use luke warm water.

Op you would never forgive yourself if you let her and she scolded him.

I'd just start serving her lukewarm tea made with shitloads of milk.

'Oh, MIL, you will prefer this as I know you like to drink while holding the baby.'

My 70 year old mother has scars from
a scald from hot tea when she was two.

Your MIL is being an idiot and YANBU

Ha! And cross posted with yet. Sorry!

YANBU, but I think I’d say ‘cuddles or tea first?’ as soon she comes through the door to preempt the issue without telling her off.

Or you could put loads of milk in so its tepid.

Seriously though, I drink my tea black and always add a big splash of cold water just in case.

YANBU I did a kids first aid course platter mine were born and they do a whole section on burning.
Kids skin especially babies are a lot thinner and can burn from what we would consider cold tea.
They told the group that most children burns that go to a&e were from someone under estimating how hot their drink was and leaving it in places children could get to.

Ask her if her tea is so important she can't put her grandchild first. When babies start getting mobile they don't want to be held and put up more fighting to have cuddles when awake.

Xpost with LRD and yet about tepid tea