AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

[KittyKat73]

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

I'm a grandmother so this is my take...

1. No. You aren't being unreasonable.
2. I am far more cautious with my grandchildren than I ever was with my own, we know more now than we did 20 odd years ago, my husband and I even stopped smoking before our first grandchild was born.
3. My grandchildren's parents make the rules for their children, they don't have to explain them or justify them to me; just as I expected to make the rules for my children no matter how much my mother resented it. And I understand that they are sometimes given different advice from health professionals to the advice I received.
4. No. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

That video shows just how easily these things can happen!

she did come over yesterday but no tea fight (I was ready for it too!) as DS was pretty unsettled (think he is teething) so we were both too occupied trying to comfort him.

Mugginsalert your so right about part of being a parent is standing up to others that your not used to. Im usually so laid back and find it awkward having to ask people not to do stuff incase it harms/ hurts or puts my DS at risk. I instantly think oh they must think im being over protective or annoying but I wouldnt be able to live with myself if anything did happen and i was sitting there unhappy but never said anything.

our children our responsibility to keep them safe.

I was a child protection social worker for many years and I can't tell you how many times i have witnessed bad burns from spilt hot drinks, there is a reason you are not allowed to take hot drinks onto children wards in hospital too!! Just take the baby away from her whilst she drinks her tea, better to offend the daft bat than have your child burnt and scarred for life!

It's probably not hot or dangerous by the time she's holding it but that's not the point. She is totally CHALLENGING you by doing it when she knows it worries and upsets you.

Normal people don't want to make mothers feel anxious so refrain from doing anything which might cause anxiety, however they might feel about doing it themselves.

The fact that she is doing it despite you asking her not to, suggests it's an act of passive aggression. Put your foot down or she'll have won her little game.

I love tea.
But I love unscarred babies more.

Ask your MIL, "do you love DS?"
"do you love tea MORE?"

Usually when she arrives she picks him up then asks for tea ( I have tried not offering tea on purpose but she just says " so are you making me tea?

So you say 'After you've had a hold of DS, sure.' Frosty smile or Paddington hard stare, and repeat as needed.

We dont have the best relationship but thats a completely other story

It's not though. She sounds like one of those who likes an argument, so she keeps pushing this boundary with you.

@pallisers
Sparta
excellent analogy

you could always give her the tea in a sippy cup

She is daft! Of course you cannot hold a baby and have a hot drink! Why doesn't she have a fag while she's at it? OH my God.

Omg massive safeguarding issue. If anyone did this in a nursery it'd be closed down. What a horrible thing to do, if she did spill it it would end in horrific burns on your baby. You could say you have a new rule and it's not up for discussion, hold the tea or hold the baby not both!!!

I also remember being at a family dinner when DS1 was 3 months old, he was on my lap, flailing arm, red wine all over his white babygrow. Imagine if that had been tea!

I was once in my son’s nursery later than usual and saw every member of staff in his building (looking after 18 months to 2.5 years children) with a hot drink in a normal mug.

Having had experience of agonisingly scalding my own hands with a cup of tea, I was really shocked and made a massive fuss about it. They did change their policies because of me complaining, but I couldn’t believe they were doing it in the first place.

If she's going to play pig headed arrogance over safety with you ....you could take it full hog and

1. Light up a fag, offer her a drag.
2. Say if the baby won't settle you might add a drop of rum to the milk.

Finally my favourite......

1. Chain saw juggling with the baby... a new hobby you've recently taken up 😁

Your baby, your rules.

Take the baby off her every time she tries to grab a hot drink near him.

As for “oh i forgot im not allowed to cuddle you while I have tea because mummy says so, mummys a bit precious” that would be a deal breaker for me. My MIL (cut off now) did this with SIL’s children about their dad and the children repeated the sarcastic remarks when older. I remember walking through the door once when visiting to be greeted with “Daddy is a baddie, daddy is a baddie” chants from a three year term M.D. and MIL smirking with delight.

She needs to be put straight before she does real damage. Is the baby’s father on the scene? If so, he needs to speak to his m.

No idea where “three year term M.D.” came from, should read “three year old”!

YANBU. Perhaps, it’s worth explaining that a baby’s skin is much thinner and more delicate than an adult’s skin? What feels like tepid room temperature to her is much hotter to a baby. It’s a safety hazard to have hot drinks near a child.

There’s a dedicated safety centre near us that hosts school visits. Hot drinks at home are one of the hazards (to be aware of) that they teach to school kids.

Have you ever tried giving her tea in a travel mug, obviously much less likely to get spilt?

I still make everyone drink out of a travel mug at our house one year (almost to the day actually) after my DS grabbed a freshly made cup of coffee off the side when he was 10 months old. He ended up with 2nd degree burns to his face, arms and chest. Thankfully he healed very well and was only left with a few small scars (none to his face thank god). It was the most horrific thing we have ever been through and it still haunts me to this day, I can’t even look at pictures of him from then because it just makes me well up, DP too. DP has such anxiety over DS getting hurt again, even when he falls over and cries a little, he can’t handle it.

I would absolutely not tolerate someone ignoring my wishes on something like this and they would be told that they simply wouldn’t be holding the baby again if they continued to ignore.

DP also went mad (not actually MAD but you know what I mean) at the local playgroup because all the nans used to leave their hot cups of tea lying around on the floor or on the tables where the kids would sit and have toast. They failed to see the problem. Absolutely unbelievable.

I can't imagine anyone I know getting het up about this, but then we're not quite so precious in this neck of the woods.

Oh I know. Fancy being so precious as to refuse to delay your cup of tea!

Just give her ice tea, much nicer in this weather.

And remember No is a complete sentence, cam i hold your baby and my tea at the same time?

No.

The baby is yours don’t let her do this.

I don’t like the things you put hot water when out to heat baby bottles that you can’t tell if they’re open or closed. My son had one knocked on him when he was 3 in a cafe. Just an accident, but had a scalded stomach. Personally I prefer the idea of formula in milk cartons drank at room temperature, not worth the risk having boiling water near children.