AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

[KittyKat73]

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

@shoelaces such commonsense there are adults and children of all ages with scalds and burns from hot drinks and boiling water

She is the crazy one. I have 2 DGD. One is three months old and the other is two years old. It is not as though I have to hold them all the time, so could only have a cup of tea while holding them! I get my mug of tea put on the mantlepiece, then hand the baby over to someone else while I drink it then get the baby back for more delicious cuddles-.

My DGDs are precious to me as well as to their parents, it just is not worth the risk. I would be devastated if either of them had to deal with a lifetime of scarring because of my actions!

See this is why mil get a bad reputation... what an arse.

Travel mugs are safer. Most baby groups don't permit hot drinks in the same space as babies. I have scars on my chest from when my grandmother moved a pan of hot water across where I was sitting as a toddler, and it splashed on me. I can remember the intense pain.

You have to set boundaries on this. Even if she thinks you are crazy, your rules rule 😀

This seems like a very one way relationship. You don't particularly like her, but you are putting that aside to meet her once a week so she can see your baby. But she doesn't behave herself when she sees her baby.
You don't have to see her, you don't have to have her at your house.

But if you want to continue it, I would firstly out passive aggressive her when she says 'Mummy doesn;t want me to cuddle you and drink tea, Mummy's a bit precious', take your baby and say 'Granny's a bit silly, she wants to spill hot tea on you, she's a bit nasty isn;t she?'
then say - 'you see, we can all be childish, but if you want to visit my baby you have to abide by my rules, because his safety will always be more important than your desire to drink tea while you hold him, however many stupid remarks you make about me being precious'

It's not a generational thing or anything like that (I'm 58 and would never have a hot drink near a baby)it's a stupid stubborn thing. She's playing games to show you aren't the boss of her, but she's playing them with your baby's safety. She's used up all her second chances IMO.

NotTaken

As a mil I really resent your post.

Some people are stupid and some may be mothers/mils/fathers/fil/ etc

My MIL used to repeatedly ask toddler DD to pass her a hot cup of tea!

I ended up lecturing her about possible dangers, how thin and delicate children's skin is and how bad it could be. She did stop doing it but obviously thought I was overprotective.

I even offered to pass her any cup, whenever she wanted, rather than her asking DD, and I ended up doing that while enormously pregnant with DS, oddly while DH and BIL watched.

Your mil is an arrogant cow. I would download pictures of scarring onto your phone and next time she asks for tea, show her those first. Also as your ds will be crawling soon, and mil is highly unlikely to put it out of ds’s way. I would invest in some travel mugs for her.

I have quite severe scarring on my arm and chest from being burned by a hot drink when I was a baby. Your MIL is being a twat.

For your house, I would get rid of kettle and all tea related material. That you're a cold drink only household now.

YY, I agree with seas, it's not a MIL thing.

I've seen quite a lot of people in cafes with a baby and a hot drink, it's more common than you'd imagine. And I hate how often waiting staff put your order right in front of the baby - ok, not your job to think about my baby, but have a tiny bit of common sense!

Yanbu. Babies can be severely burnt with what we adults would consider to be a fairly coolish hot drink.
You’re the parent, do your best parenting and only let her hold your baby when she doesn’t have a hot drink to hand. As soon as a drink is given to her, take baby back into your arms or put him somewhere safe.

Your mil Is being very inconsiderate as well as disrespectful of your wishes for your child.

What everyone else said. And knock that “mummy’s precious” shit on the head! How ducking disrespectful. You should either do what the other poster said and play her at her own game or stare the fucker out while saying, “don’t be so rude” in the iciest of tones. If she doesn’t like it, she can fuck off.
I’ve had my ups and downs with my MIL, not all one sided, but she would never have done or said anything like that.

Of course she is being unreasonable. Hot liquid scalding can be horrific.

On another note. Tea is vile, why would anyone drink it?

o him" oh i forgot im not allowed to cuddle you while I have tea because mummy says so, mummys a bit precious" or words similar.

I’d be livid if someone said this to me.

What Kurri said is good. Cut through that PA shit.

You aren't being precious at all. In fact I'd be more worried about her doing this as the baby gets older, at 5 months they are starting to grab at things, all it takes is a split second and they're scalded.

Our 2 year old accidentally pulled a cup of boiling water over onto herself, it's awful treating a small child for burns. We've always been so careful with hot drinks (apart from the one day she sneaked into the kitchen!!), but now I'm completely over the top!!

You really aren't being precious.

"Silly old granny is getting very forgetful isn't she, forgetting that she's still holding you? Funny forgetful old granny."

She is playing mind games. It's a totally reasonable request.
Scalds are the second most common form of injury in childhood after falls, and they are most commonly spilt hot drinks.

Point her at this website
Child Accident Prevention Trust. You've asked her, you've shown her the evidence - if that doesn't work, here is a story.

If you have a DP, I hope they are backing you up.

Not unreasonable. If she doesn't get it (or want to understand) perhaps some strategically placed print outs of children who suffered burns as a result of scalding would be appropriate?
Have a print out of a document along with some images that you could leave on your kitchen table perhaps to drive the message home about how easily accidents happen in the home. Sure didn't Watchdog campaign to get kettle manufacturers to move from straight cables to curly shorter ones so toddlers couldn't reach up on to a worktop and pull a kettle on top of themselves?

Of course yanbu.

Who cares if she thinks you're precious?

Most 'baby places' don't allow hot drinks. Children's A&E and outpatient clinics are definitely an example. Last time we went in, there was a big and rather graphic poster all about burns and scalds - they're very common for children.

I remember the art of constructing food that could be eaten while holding a baby - things that stuck together and weren't going to drip. Also the gradual retreat of the 'hot drink tide line', back and up, as dc got bigger. Being with the dc every day and acutely aware of their changing abilities allows you to forestall problems in a way that someone seeing them weekly just won't be so naturally tuned in to, even if they want to do their best, so the odd reminder or 'update' will be necessary.

YANBU

Dash the tea in her face, see how she likes it. (I joke, of course)

Conveniently run out of teabags?

I think you're a saint for putting up with her on a weekly basis. The tea thing would tip me over the edge. She has no respect for you and no sense of danger for your baby, her grandchild. It's a simple rule, put the baby down if you're drinking a hot drink! I would be tempted to make her a cup of tea in a covered insulated cup from now on. One of those no spill ones.....

I would say she can have a small plastic cup of room temperature water or nothing.

This is a territorial thing. This is to be contrary to you in whichever way possible, to create opposition and assert her authority. By systematically asking for the tea, she has positioned you to be the unreasonable. Afterall you always have to say no, no dil, who respects her mil would say no etc etc.

This way she has the power to complain about how unreasonable you are to constantly defy your lovely mil. All she wants to do is hold her dgs and you’re stopping her. This isn’t about the hot tea. This is just and easy win for her. Had you thought it was fine to drink hot tea with your ds in your arms, she may well have held the opposite view.

Simply put your mil is jealous of you, doesn’t like you or an aspect of who you are and she has found a very easy way to push your buttons.

There is no point in showing her photos of scalded children as she will say she’ll be more careful than those idiots and you not trusting her is insulting. If you do get into any arguments, use your power to keep your ds away from her and the outside authorities as your weapons. IE. The experts don’t allow hot drinks in children’s centres. Why does she think she knows better than the experts?

You were given some good advice upthread to preempt her request for tea and how to shut her down.