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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 17/06/2018 23:34

She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me.

And that is the point at which I would have told her that she is no longer bridesmaid and is also no longer welcome to come to the wedding.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 17/06/2018 23:34

Just ignore her. Think of her as a child and rise above.
You might have a big bump, but it is your healthy, growing baby, so so what?
Just smile at her and say "aww bless you" every time she has a dig, and when nobody is listening, tell her to run along and play.
Is she quite young? Just stay cool and be the adult, treat her with indulgence like she's a child, and take no notice.
Have a lovely wedding day, and enjoy being pregnant.

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:35

She'll turn up anyway she's a nutter. She hates the fact I already have a child and that my son calls my fiancé dad. she hates that I got pregnant by him. She just hates me

OP posts:
Original poster
RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:36

She's 27!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 17/06/2018 23:37

I too would tell her to not bother coming to the wedding and would use the ushers to keep her out. She sounds foul.

LovingLola · 17/06/2018 23:38

I would tell her to fuck off. I really would.

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:38

She asked me if I get pregnant by men so they'll look after me aswell. WTF as if I'm so calculating.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 17/06/2018 23:39

And please say that your fiance will tell her to fuck off too.

TheMonkeyMummy · 17/06/2018 23:39

I have an awful sil too. Truly awful. I tried everything to like her in the beginning but it turns out she is a horrid chav who wouldn't be able to tell the truth if her life depended upon it. She was jealous with each child that we had, and told horrid lies to keep the spotlight on her.

We have been NC for 9 wonderful years now.

stand up for yourself now. I wouldn't issue any final ultimatums as she is your DF's sis, but I wouldn't take any shit.

Give her a call tomorrow and ask her why she said what she did. Make her squirm. And then tell your DF, he will know how to handle her.

HollowTalk · 17/06/2018 23:39

You can't have her at your wedding, OP!

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:41

I've actually known through friendsfor years and apparently the reason she hates me is because I slept with a guy she liked ffs

OP posts:
DitheringBlidiot · 17/06/2018 23:41

Agree with the above, smile and head tilt everytime she says something ridiculous. If you can be bothered with the fallout, ask her “what makes you say that?l” everytime she says something about your baby or your marriage. I hope your pregnancy goes well :)

elephantscanring · 17/06/2018 23:41

Tell her she's not longer welcome at your wedding. Hope your partner backs you up.

Singlenotsingle · 17/06/2018 23:42

Certainly not bridesmaid material. I'd be worried about what she'd do to spoil it.

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:44

I'm going to have to talk to my fiancé when he comes home tomorrow. She's sprouted some corkers but this takes the biscuit. I fear my other bridesmaids will lynch her

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LuMarie · 17/06/2018 23:45

Wow! I'm a nod, smile and ignore stupid comments person, but the things she is saying are not stupid mistakes, they are massively offensive.

Hopefully partner backs you up with a talk to her saying not to speak to you that way again, otherwise...

I wouldn't have her at my wedding and if anyone questioned why, I'd tell them it's because she says things like she has. Then move on and enjoy your day!

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/06/2018 23:46

She can’t be a bridesmaid and she can’t attend your wedding. She’s a badly behaved cow who has no place in your lives.

Ultimatum time with your fiancé. She’s not coming.

chocomomma · 17/06/2018 23:46

op tell her shes no longer bridgesmaids and it would be such a dissapointnent to have to see her brother waiting at the isle for you so, you give her a green card to not come Smile

itswinetime · 17/06/2018 23:48

She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me.

For me I would tell my fiancé ASAP and then her she is no longer bridesmaid! Life is too short I wouldn't want someone standing next to me who doesn't support me!

I know that's not for everyone though only you know the family dynamics but I think life is too short! You thinks she hates you she obviously isn't bothered upsetting you so if you don't call her out, how does that help things in the long run?

Jux · 17/06/2018 23:53

She really can't be your bridesmaid. I think you have to tell her that as she feels that way it would not be appropriate.

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 00:09

The wedding is in six weeks though

OP posts:
PlatypusPie · 18/06/2018 00:09

In vino veritas - the drink loosened her tongue and she blurted out her true feelings about you and the circumstances of her brother’s wedding. Not polite and not diplomatic but it has happened now. A bridesmaid should be a support to you so she should certainly no longer do that - she may well feel, in the sober light of day, that she should not attend the wedding either but the family dynamics on your fiancés side could get quite complicated.

itswinetime · 18/06/2018 00:15

The wedding is in six weeks though

I honestly wouldn't care! Sell the dress on eBay get what you can. I'd rather loose money than have her standing next to me in photos forever more! Plus this is just the wedding, that's one day! You will be married to her brother for a lot longer! Let her get away with this and your future contains more of the same! My grandpa taught me at a young age alcohol may loosen lips but it doesn't put words in them! That's advice I live by!

LotsToThinkOf · 18/06/2018 00:20

It could be in 6 days for all the timescale matters. Seriously, kick her into touch now, this is a much bigger issue than the wedding its how she'll be treating you for the rest of your married life.

Stand your ground, cut her off now. Your DF can visit her all he likes if he chooses to, it doesn't have to involve or affect you.

steff13 · 18/06/2018 00:36

I'd uninvite and go NC. I am pretty easy-going, but I don't abide that sort of nonsense.

I love my SIL. So much, that if my brother divorced her, I'd keep her and dump him. 😉