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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
Rollawolla · 19/06/2018 09:22

Uninvite her to the wedding get a restraining order 😂

BlancheM · 19/06/2018 13:15

A tart! A tart? I'm sorry but you can't have someone who sounds like an Eastenders character in the '80s at your wedding.
Added to the fact that she seems to hate and resent you. And thinks her brother isn't capable of making his own informed life choices.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 19/06/2018 13:18

Are you having a DJ after the wedding?
This could be the perfect opportunity for a passive aggressive set list.

Kanye's Golddigga
Cher's Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves

I'm sure there are others

TheMonkeyMummy · 19/06/2018 13:27

She's a delight, isn't she?

It's time to uninvite her and screen shots the messages for when the in laws start questioning the decision.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/06/2018 14:12

Have you shown your Dfiancé the latest barrage of messages? I think he should reconsider allowing her to the wedding, if all she's going to do is spread poison about you in everyone's ears. That's the LAST thing you want going on there!

I'd really hope that he would tell her to pack it in or she can consider herself off the invitation list entirely.

AhhhhThatsBass · 19/06/2018 15:33

You're really going to allow this woman to attend your wedding? Are you mad?
I would disinvite her immediately and have your DP explain to his parents why.

Emus · 19/06/2018 15:35

Yep - I'd do the same as ThatsBass - how dare she? I would not want her anywhere near my special day and if it causes trouble with his parents then they can stay away too.

Beaverhausen · 19/06/2018 15:36

Well at least you are not 27 and still living with Mommy and Daddy, she is just jealous. I would talk to DF though and tell him what she said and also just tell him it might be a good idea if she does not come to the wedding as the last thing you want is her embarrassing you and the family.

If they insist she be there then just tell him the minute she steps out of line she needs to be shown the door. After that just minimise your contact with the mongrel.

Motoko · 19/06/2018 17:11

I didn't invite my brother to my wedding because I didn't want him kicking off.

Just because someone's family, it doesn't mean that you have to invite them.

DarlingNikita · 19/06/2018 17:23

She's a cunt.

Obviously she will NOT now be welcome at the wedding and someone will be briefed to bar her if she tries to turn up.

Right?!?

ktp100 · 19/06/2018 17:31

Who talks about people like that?! If she carries on abusing you via text can your DP really allow her to come to the wedding? It's both of your days and she will try to ruin it because she's a prize tit. Sounds like she's used to getting her way. Would his parents step in and tell her to shut her face?

Sallybates · 19/06/2018 17:33

She’s jealous of you! Piss her off by being nice, ignoring her comments and smiling at her

7372dm · 19/06/2018 17:37

Tell your fiancee everything. He needs to tell her what's what. Been through similar and only when my now hubby took a stand did things change. Good luck

Hodnett32 · 19/06/2018 17:38

Tell your other half as soon as possible - don't ban her from the wedding, give her a choice. She either stays away completely or she comes but a zero alcohol will be inplace for her (and yes organise with the function/ house/hotel where ever you are having a little celebration that she is not to be served alcohol). You have put your foot down and ultimately she'll come and behave or not come. Either way you win and you've not banned her from coming.

WorriedWanda · 19/06/2018 17:38

I fear my other bridesmaids will lynch her

I'd just let that play out, OP...Have a wonderful day

MumofBoysx2 · 19/06/2018 17:41

Kick her out of your wedding, no way would I even entertain her as my bridesmaid after saying that!!!! Just tell your brother what she said that she isn't welcome at the wedding, please can he tell her.

Icanttakemuchmore · 19/06/2018 17:42

I would get your df to uninvite her to the wedding. Why would she even want to be there if she felt like that about you. She will only spoil your otherwise lovely day

SenoritaViva · 19/06/2018 17:42

Just remember, she is showing you exactly who she is. With every venomous comment, you look better.

EllenMP · 19/06/2018 17:43

Why not (ever so sweetly) ask her if she even wants to be your bridesmaid? Tell her she has been clear that she doesn't approve of your marriage and you will understand if she doesn't want to play an active part in it. I suspect she is an attention-seeker and the thought of having done herself out of a role at the wedding will make her sit up and behave. And apologise. And learn that she can't get away with being a jackass to you.

Don't banish her from the wedding or fire her yourself, though. If anyone is going to escalate this into a family feud please make sure it's not you. You don't need to be worrying about which of your inlaws thinks what on your wedding day.

StaplesCorner · 19/06/2018 17:43

So you are still having her as bridesmaid? Well then, there's your answer ... Hmm

MountainHedgehog · 19/06/2018 17:44

Now she's kicked off at you, your DF needs to phone her back and say actually she is uninvited to the wedding. You can't spend the day worrying what she's saying, doing, you just can't.
She WILL behave like this and worse on your wedding day. Stop her coming now.
I don't understand the saying your family will be dissapointed if you elope. If my dghter wanted to elope then to her day and I would be happy she could do what she wanted.

But this SIL at your wedding? No.

BewareOfDragons · 19/06/2018 17:44

Grow a backbone and tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid.

And if your DH doesn't back you on this 100%, then I'd seriously reconsider the marriage.

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 19/06/2018 17:46

She has caused trouble now and should no longer be invited.

Leapfrog44 · 19/06/2018 17:49

WOW there's nothing you can do but choose to see the funny side of it. Hopefully she'll get drunk and completely humiliate herself while you look beautiful and remain dignified.

Glittertrauma · 19/06/2018 17:55

Oh @RioTheParrott I feel for you. My SIL is almost exactly the same! I have another SIL and her and MIL are amazing people that I have a great relationship with. The other SIL is exactly like you have described yours is, only a little more low key. She goes in for that nice, subtle, under the radar bitchiness that can go largely undetected, to the point where you think you may have imagined it. She was also my bridesmaid. Complete with snide comments like 'I would have lost so much weight if I was MY wedding' and altering her bridesmaids dress without telling me, not bothering to turn up to the hen do. I wrote it off as immaturity, but here we are 10 yrs down the line and she hasn't changed at all. She only ever speaks to me when she wants something.

I wish I had nipped it all in the bud the very first time. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Accept this shameful treatment from her now and it sets a precedent.

I have finally gotten sick of my mine and just refuse to interact with her as far as possible, she's not a nice person. I don't need her in my life. It's awkward because I still have to see her every so often, but luckily family gatherings tend to be so large these days I can manage to mostly avoid her!

It's sad because we have more in common than not, and no reason not to be friends. But she's just a miserable person with issues. Cut your SIL off now or you'll have a lifetime of these awful incidents from her. Some people just can't be fixed.