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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
NoCanoe · 18/06/2018 14:16
  1. She simply cannot be bridesmaid. No ifs, no buts. You dont want that toxicity around you.
  1. If her brother wants her there, then she's a guest. But it needs to be made clear by him to her, he is allowing this as a one off magnanimous gesture due to it being a wedding. Any fuck ups, then she's had her chance.
  1. Keep well away from her and ensure she on fringes of photos.
MadMags · 18/06/2018 14:30

Nobody else has picked up on it so I’ve obviously misunderstood.

The SIL isn’t saying that fiancé’s child shouldn’t call him dad because they’re not married is she???

GrapesAreMyJam · 18/06/2018 15:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MovingThisYearHopefully · 18/06/2018 15:45

Its because her DF isn't the childs dad MadMags

MadMags · 18/06/2018 15:47

Oh my god I’m such a gobshite! I actually didn’t make that connection at all!

Sorry, OP. Total brain lapse. Blush

Does she maybe know the bio dad and is on some sort of campaign for him?! Confused

SheSellSeaShells · 18/06/2018 15:53

god I thought my dp sisters were bad but she's really bloody awful..... literally no idea why you'd have that around you on your wedding day. Bin her off she'll only ruin your moment

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 15:54

She doesn't know my son's biological dad I haven't seen or heard from him since my son was 3 weeks old.

OP posts:
Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 16:00

I have apologised for the going with the guy she liked (even though I shouldn't and it's non of her business). We were both single and I had no idea she liked him.

OP posts:
TheGirlWithAPrince · 18/06/2018 16:09

There is no way i would have her there NO.

I'm sorry but why would i want to share my special day with someone who obviously hates me with a passion.

and if my partner really wanted her there then i would say fine but she isnt sitting near me (the family table)

eggsandwich · 18/06/2018 16:21

I’d be incline to tell her she has been demoted from the roll of bridesmaid, but after some careful thought and as a gesture of goodwill she is now being given the roll of sweeping the floor and washing up after the reception.

Lymphy · 18/06/2018 16:40

Do not have her as bridesmaid. I made that mistake. I only asked my SIL as I thought it was the right thing to do, I was a moron! She sounds very similar to mine, comments such as "I'm not wearing that" "your dress is horrible" "who's taking me to the wedding" "your venue is poncey". My other bridesmaid told her to shut it but it didn't work, I had SIL daughter as a flower girl, she winged that she didn't suit white, didn't even give the kid a wash before the wedding I had to shower her on the morning of the wedding as it was "my wedding my problem" poor kid was mortified! I bought them all lovely jewelry, they all loved them bar her, I bought them all lovely shoes (that they picked) imagine my face when SIL pulls up her dress at the end of the aisle in front of everyone to show me she was wearing her well worn minging black trainers, I asked her why her response "cos"! Biggest regret ever, did have done fun when she hit married though, karma and all that 😂

Hissy · 18/06/2018 17:54

Tbh, I think you’d be best served by sending her a text to say that in light of the way she feels about you, your family and your wedding that it would be only diplomatic of her to resign as bridesmaid and decline the invite so it comes from her and so that you don’t have the bother of removing her from your wedding - which you’d have to explain at great detail to everyone

KeepServingTheDrinks · 18/06/2018 18:43

What did your DH2B say about it Rio?

blueluce85 · 18/06/2018 18:48

Yeah what did he say....?!

Shameless placemarking...

GreenTulips · 18/06/2018 18:58

I'd be cross as well - and tell her straight. Play nice or don't come.

C2205 · 18/06/2018 19:02

I'd go with Hissy.... Message her saying you realise how she feels about you so as she dislikes you so much maybe she should resign from her role as bridesmaid and of she doesn't want to attend the wedding you'll understand.
Put it back on her!
Good luck x

wizzywig · 18/06/2018 19:05

If meghan can marry without her family, you can do it

Shockers · 18/06/2018 19:08

She may have phoned earlier to apologise. Ring back and ask- if she carries it on, just say that she told you she didn’t want anything to do with your wedding when she had a go at you, so you’re assuming you’ll be doing without her on the day.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 18/06/2018 19:16

We uninvited mil a couple of weeks before our wedding, don't hesitate to do the same with sil.

WinkysTeatowel · 18/06/2018 20:50

So what did your DP say?

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 21:03

In short he's gone mad. He phoned his sister to tell her she's disrespectful and she is no longer bridesmaid. He explained that as she's his sister she's welcome to the wedding but any trouble and that's it. Cue crying from her saying it's a misunderstanding. When he wasn't having any of it she put the phone down. Since then I've had text messages telling me I'm not good enough for her brother, the family don't want him marrying a tart with a kid who tricks him into a pregnancy (load of crap) and she's going to make sure everyone knows what a bitch I am. Fiancé is currently sitting on his hands willing himself not to phone her again

OP posts:
WinkysTeatowel · 18/06/2018 21:10

Wow! She sounds a delight

MadMags · 18/06/2018 21:13

It’s really weird that she has such an issue with your child!

Jesus! He met you when ds was three weeks?? How could she have a problem with a baby???

I just think this is very, very odd! Like, weirdly mean if you get me!

Do you think she’ll treat your ds and new baby differently? Because if I thought there was any chance of that I’d never see her again!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 18/06/2018 21:15

If nothing else, at least you've got proof now of why she was demoted from being Bridesmaid.

I suppose the question is whether her texts are taken as further proof of trouble from her and she's uninvited.

Flowers for having to put up with the shittiness

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 18/06/2018 21:15

Block her. She will get 'the rage'!!