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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 20/06/2018 11:32

bsb you don't need to have rtft but st least the OPs posts where she addresses this point (they were single, she didn't know sil to be liked the guy, she apologised to sil-to-be just to make peace)

Willow2017 · 20/06/2018 11:40

You slept with your sil crush did you not know? I'm not sure I'd be over the moon either.

Which part of the op saying she had no idea this woman years ago had a crush on someone?

What a pathetic excuse for her awful behaviour years later.

Willow2017 · 20/06/2018 11:42

Oops a bit deleted itself!
Which part of the op saying she had no idea this woman (years ago) had a crush on someone is it you dont understand Bsb?

alligatorsmile · 20/06/2018 11:57

My advice would be:

Do not feed the troll.

Whatever you do will be "proof" to her, she has a very warped view of the world and being reasonable with her will be as effective as throwing meringues at a castle.

alligatorsmile · 20/06/2018 11:58

Don't engage. Don't stoop to her level. Let her drink her own poison. She's her own comeuppance because she will never be happy.

brotherphil · 20/06/2018 14:41

apparently the reason she hates me is because I slept with a guy she liked ffs
Her brother?

Mafrid2 · 20/06/2018 14:43

Shamelessly place marking. SIL sounds like she's about to get her come uppance and I don't want to miss it for 😉. My daughter was only 3mths old when I got together with my husband . She's 16 now xxx

curlywurlyjo · 20/06/2018 15:11

Any update Riotheparrot?
I’d would go with your fiancé to meet with his parents with all texts/reply’s etc and ask them how they feel about it, as sil has informed you both of their dislike of you also & put it to them how they think you should move forward from this.
For example:

  1. tell sil that you accept her recent behaviour as a bm & wedding invite decline.
  2. None of his come to wedding because of sils behaviour
  3. Cancel the wedding & elope

She most certainly can not be there now, it will sour your day.

I’d be tempted to elope with your family in tow & have nc with his family at all for good. Disgusting behaviour from them all imo

DragonMummy1418 · 20/06/2018 18:43

@RioTheParrott any update?

Superheroessidekick · 22/06/2018 15:51

Op?

Hazzleton · 22/06/2018 16:02

My SIL seems very similar, are you sure it’s not the same person?
I felt pressured into making her a bridesmaid, I did, she went on and on about how she hated everything about the wedding, wanted me to buy her a really expensive dress that wasn’t the colour scheme so she could look better then the other bridesmaids.
I put my foot down eventually after crying to my husband about it and said she wasn’t a bridesmaid, everyone supported me including BIL (whose long time fiancé it was). She was much more pleasant to me after that. Few months later they broke up. Hurray. I get that nobody can break up with her but I’d still say she’s not a bridesmaid, I’m sure everyone else will have seen her behaviour and agreed it’s for the best.
Don’t give her the chance to ruin your special day ❤️

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 23/06/2018 22:14

hi sorry for late reply. She's done all the crying etc to her family. I've told her she's not going to be bridesmaid which surprisingly she was fine about. She said she would like to come to the wedding though. I've told her we will consider it and let her know. Bloody cow

OP posts:
TheMonkeyMummy · 23/06/2018 23:44

Tell her to duck off

What did she say when crying to the family?

WhiteWalkerWife · 24/06/2018 06:41

Dh friend had something similar. His sister turned up in a really revealing dress which was unflattering in style and white. Trying to upstage the bride. She looked awful and pathetic. She thought everyone would talk about how great she looked and how she should have been a bridesmaid. Instead her behaviour was largely ignored, even by her own embarrassed family. She slunk home after drinking too much and an argument with the bar.

Watch out if you do invite her, tell people to ignore her behaviour but get the bridesmaids and best men on side to keep an eye and eject her if needed.

userinterface34 · 24/06/2018 07:49

I’d show the messages to the rest of her family and say what’s disturbing is she seems to think others agree and ask them to tell her she has their opinions of you wrong. Isolate her hatred. She sounds deranged.

DarlingNikita · 24/06/2018 12:55

I've told her we will consider it and let her know.

Why is there anything to consider? Confused I wouldn't see the bitch again, let alone let her come to my wedding.

StaplesCorner · 24/06/2018 14:59

Since then I've had text messages telling me I'm not good enough for her brother, the family don't want him marrying a tart with a kid who tricks him into a pregnancy (load of crap) and she's going to make sure everyone knows what a bitch I am. and you previously said she calls you the "baby machine".

Your fiance has your back, so I don't see why on earth you are still thinking of letting her come to the wedding - I think that's literally asking for trouble. You have enough problems as it is with other family coming who are no doubt sympathetic to her.

biscuitaddict · 24/06/2018 15:14

Make her chief bridesmaid and male her give a speech about how amazing you are and how happy she is for you and her brother!!

FizzyGreenWater · 24/06/2018 15:20

Don't let her come. If you do, after that load of bile, she really will think that both of you are spineless. Oh and she will create a scene at the wedding somehow, and once it's happened it will be too late to undo it - you only get the day once!

Tell her very sweetly (or rather, get your fiance to do so) -

'SIL we have thought about it carefully and we would rather you didn't come. Your texts show quite clearly that you don't like the idea of our relationship or that we're marrying, so we're going to do you a favour and not expect you to plaster a fake smile on for an event we're sure you'd rather not be at. We'll take the blame for that, if you're just worried that people will think badly of you for not coming. Where our relationship goes in the future, who knows, you feel the way you do and I guess we have to respect that - in return, you're going to have to respect that we naturally don't want someone around our children who thinks as you do about their mother - it's hardly loving aunty territory. Let's agree to disagree and stay out of one another's way, that includes the wedding obviously, so the invitation is revoked.'

MrsMotherHen · 24/06/2018 17:19

she sounds like a jealous peice of shit. I would definatly not have her there. What have his parents said in all of this?

Leggylavender · 24/06/2018 21:54

How does she know about your previous sexual life?

Leggylavender · 24/06/2018 22:06

Sorry I hit the button too soon. OP your SIL and her family (excluding your husband) seem to be awful, disrespectful because of their prejudices. They said you are a "kid" who is marrying her brother/son and you also mentioned you have grandparents - so you might be quite young, and already had a baby. Now you're having a second baby with your fiancé (pregnant without being married). Your SIL knows your previous sexual partner.I can tell where they come from because my DP's family is exactly the same. Be firm and keep her away from you and your fiancé. Enjoy your pregnancy Xx

Thatssomebadhatharry · 24/06/2018 22:12

She called you a tart?
Has anyone told her nobody has said tart since about 1976. Tell her to get with it if she must insist on being a prize bitch!!!

emmyrose2000 · 25/06/2018 04:24

If your fiance is leaning towards having her there, I'd tell him he can have either her or me there, but not both.

curlywurlyjo · 09/07/2018 11:22

Has it all calmed down now?