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Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 12:07

I don't care if she doesn't like me. I was trying to include her as she's his sister. I've had a missed call off her this morning but I don't want to deal with it at the moment

OP posts:
MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 18/06/2018 12:09

God she's sounds vile. Ditch her as a bridesmaid asap, you don't need that in your life!!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 18/06/2018 12:09

What a terrible cow. I’d speak to DF but tell him that because of what she said it’s just not possible for her to be a bridesmaid to you anymore.

The BMs are around the bride at her happiest and most exciting moments: getting ready, hair done, sipping champagne, fluffing your dress out.

You can’t have someone in that party who hates you as obviously as she does, it would literally mar your day.

And be fucking careful if you see her within 100m of you with any drink that may stain...

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 18/06/2018 12:14

Block her number. Let your dp deal with her. And don't hold back on the whole story for fear of upsetting him. He needs to know so he can tell her to get stuffed!!

Frenchiemamax · 18/06/2018 12:14

She is a bitch and your in laws seem quite mean too from the tacky comment Sad my first thought was that you should elope! But either way uninvite this poisonous cow, she will no doubt cause a scene at your wedding

Shoxfordian · 18/06/2018 12:18

Send her a message and be clear that she's no longer a bridesmaid or invited then block her and let your fiance deal with her shit.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 18/06/2018 12:22

I dread to think how she will behave at your wedding whether she is bridesmaid or not!

critiqueofeveryday · 18/06/2018 12:23

You need to tell her she is no longer your bridesmaid. Or she will ruin your wedding.

Stormy76 · 18/06/2018 12:29

Speak to your DF first and lay out what you want to do which is that she is no longer a bridesmaid, I suspect that the missed call from her will be an apology call because she knows she has fucked up. There are times when you have to put your foot down over nasty interfering family. I had to do it 4/5 months after my wedding and the result was that we didn't speak to his sister for a good 10 years. All resolved now but they know that they cannot do what they did before and there has been no repeat performance.

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 12:31

I actually feel like eloping but then certain members of my family wouldn't be able to come so it's not fair on them. My son is so excited about being pageboy too

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat · 18/06/2018 12:34

We know why you asked her to be in the wedding you told us in your OP but it rarely ever works that way. The countless threads on here of people asking their step daughters to be to be a bridesmaid when said step daughter hates them and other sil to be shows it simply doesn't work. They don't suddenly decide they like you. It just doesn't work that way. Feeling included is not something they want. You really need to uninvite her, at the very base least she needs to removed as a bridesmaid. No one needs that level of stress. People should only have as their bridesmaids people who they are close to and who they love, respect and cherish as a friend.

I think you also need to sit down with her and have it out with her and ask her directly about why she hates you. Also make sure she knows that you didn't know she liked the guy you slept with so she needs to be reasonable and know it is not your fault, you didn't do it on purpose.

LilQueenie · 18/06/2018 12:36

I think you need to speak to your fiance because if this carries on it will continue even after the wedding. he needs to step in and say something like he won't tolerate her speaking to and about you the way she does. Then let him tell her she is not invited. Have you thought about running off and getting married in secret?

AgathaF · 18/06/2018 12:40

I agree with everyone else, you really shouldn't have her as bridesmaid. She'll potentially screw up your big day and you're going to be a bag of nerves and fury between now and then wondering what she might do/say. Just not worth it.

His parents don't sound too delightful either....

watchingwithinterest · 18/06/2018 12:42

What an awful thing to say, how can you possibly continue with this after this??

I suggest you to ask your dp to kindly inform her she is no longer invited given the horrible things she has said to you and you would prefer not to hear from her again.

There is every reason to believe she will completely ruin your wedding op.

Original poster
RioTheParrott · 18/06/2018 12:42

LilQueenie I would but I couldn't do that to my family. I'm the only daughter so my parents and grandparents would be so hurt

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 18/06/2018 12:48

In fact, she probably accepted so she can do something behind the scenes. What a stupid thing for you to do.

I think this is a really unkind and unhelpful thing to say to a bride who clearly was trying to build bridges with her STB-SIL. Yes it was misguided, but the bride wasn't to know that and would have probably got shit for NOT offering the bridesmaid position. Let's help to fix the situation as it is, not retrospectively judge the events leading up to it.

MadMags · 18/06/2018 12:49

I don’t understand! Was she saying he shouldn’t call his dad daddy because you’re not married???

That can’t be right?!

SalemBlackCat · 18/06/2018 12:55

LaContessaDiPlump I wasn't meaning to judge her but how could she not know that it wouldn't go like this when siltob hates her and she knows it, and there are plenty of threads on here of a similar nature, one was only 2 weeks ago where it was a step-daughter to be and step daughter hated step mother 2 be. "would have probably got shit for NOT offering the bridesmaid position." I don't see how. Most people ask their close friends to be bridesmaids, most would not expect anyone to ask someone from the other family unless they knew them well.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/06/2018 13:07

I think it's a very good idea to suggest that she has resigned as BM purely by her comments. SHe obviously dislikes you, she doesn't want you to get married to her brother, and by telling you this she has effectively said, without actually saying it, that she shouldn't be BM.

It is likely that she was pissed enough to not exactly remember what she said, so that would be an excellent strategem!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 18/06/2018 13:07

Go with fizzy and auntflos suggestion, in combination Grin

Tinkobell · 18/06/2018 13:22

She sounds toxic. Don't have her at the wedding. She'll turn up pissed, stand on the back of your dress, blurt out nasties about your past then probably shag someone inappropriate. Bar her. Pleassse!

LaContessaDiPlump · 18/06/2018 13:27

most would not expect anyone to ask someone from the other family unless they knew them well.

I've seen plenty of threads on here listing tales on entitled expectation, so a nasty SIL expecting/demanding a bridesmaid slot is not completely unlikely. I agree with you that normal people don't expect it though!

ItsNachoCheese · 18/06/2018 13:33

No way would i let her be anywhere near the wedding shes a nasty cunt

PicaK · 18/06/2018 13:53

She's been horrid. I wouldn't want her near me doing bridesmaid duties.
But i would also be tempted to avoid a big row. Perhaps she could become an usher but in the dress. And therefore is with your dh for the morning? I think that would allow it your dh to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and has consequences but reassure her he still loves her.

Secretsquirrel101 · 18/06/2018 13:58

Hm. My irrational ragey-on-your-behalf side is saying fuck her she shouldn't be coming to the wedding and honestly I'd be going v low contact if I were you but my slightly more rational side is actually thinking demote her from bridesmaid (she's a cunt) but uninviting her from the wedding isn't necessarily the best way to start married life. She'd be on her last chance tho.