Am I being ridiculously judgy?

[onetworedblue]

Firstly, full disclosure- I am a smoker and do not have “biological” children so have never been in this position myself.

However I have just been outside at work for a cigarette and noticed a heavily pregnant woman smoking. This made me feel a level of disgust so strong I was shocked at my own reaction!

Do other people feel like this or am I ridiculously judgy? And anyone who has smoked when pregnant, how have you justified this, whilst knowing the damage you could be causing to your child?

YANBU or judgey at all!!

I used to smoke and as soon as I fell pregnant I quit (sickness helped with that) because I was not going to smoke knowing what it could do to my child!

Well if shes about to give birth at any moment that one cigarette is probably not going to harm her baby

"And anyone who has smoked when pregnant, how have you justified this, whilst knowing the damage you could be causing to your child?"

Why would you even care!

But on a similar note:
If your kid is overweight, how do you live with yourself knowing you have created fat cells in them that will never disappear, and have condemned them to a lifetime of dieting or obesity?

I think its disgusting too. Yanbu

I can't decide if it's judgy or not to be honest - but my reaction would have been exactly the same as yours so I guess I do judge too!

I'm what they call a 'social smoker' I actually really enjoy it but don't have an addiction, I can take or leave it. Since pregnancy though, I don't even like to be near smokers.

DH was a heavy smoker, he quit the day we found out and hasn't touched one since. I'm ridiculously proud of him.

I gave birth nearly 30 years ago now and at that time, the advice given to me by my GP was that if I could quit easily then that was best. However, he said that stress was more harmful to the baby than smoking, so if giving up would cause me stress then it was best to just cut down as much as possible but not actually stop.

I'm sure the advice is probably different nowadays but I wouldn't judge someone over it. Because I would have no idea what's going on in their life. A friend of mine "gave up" smoking during pregnancy (this was quite a recent pregnancy) but had terrible pre natal depression, problems with her DP etc and there were a few occasions where she caved in and had a cigarette. Berating her for it would have just made her feel so much worse, when she already beat herself up with guilt over it.

YANBU. I'm an ex smoker. I find pregnant women smoking disgusting. What really pisses me off if walking out of the maternity unit with my newborn baby and walking through all the fucking smoke at the doors because that's where a load of them are stood.

Do you really not know that most are disgusted by pregnant women smoking, OP? Come on.

As a smoker, repeatedly damaging yourself, and anyone you smoke nearby, you are not in a position to judge anyone.

Oh come on now

Can i extend this? Parents (or carers) pushing a pram/buggy whilst puffing fag smoke over the child inside. Makes me ridiculously angry

Do you really not know that most are disgusted by pregnant women smoking, OP? Come on.

This.

It’s directly harming their unborn child. Incredibly selfish of the mother and should be a punishable offense imo.

What's wrong with being judgy? You live, you gain experience and views, you have opinions. That's life, isn't it?

I'm trying to be balanced here...

You are being very judgmental, I kind of understand why but you are.

My sister suffers terribly with anxiety and when she was pregnant tried to stay off her medication and give up smoking. She was a big hot mess. She started smoking again which helped the anxiety and meant she could stay off her medication. She massively cut down and was able to get through her pregnancy relatively unscathed.

I don't agree with smoking whilst pregnant but in my sisters case it was not possible to stop and maintain her mental health.

This was my point, you don't know someones circumstances and why they are smoking that cigarette, so yes I think it is judgy.

'What's wrong with being judgy? You live, you gain experience and views, you have opinions. That's life, isn't it?'

Exactly. 'Being judgy' is a hanging offence round here, whereas actually we all make judgements and form opinions all the time. It's a completely normal thing to do. So long as you're not going around berating all and sundry to their faces, it's fine.

Well if shes about to give birth at any moment that one cigarette is probably not going to harm her baby - she unlikely to have had 'just that one' cigarette in the last 9 months! No-one starts smoking right before they have a baby, surely?

If she's heavily pregnant and smoking outside she doesn't care what anyone thinks and knows people are judging her. Lots of pregnant women still smoke but most know how it is viewed and that people will judge them and possibly verbally abuse them.

I think smoking is disgusting anyway, but it should be illegal to smoke when pregnant and around children. So selfish.

Seen so many threads about this 🙄

Yes of course it's wrong and I'm pretty sure most people don't like seeing a pregnant woman smoking.

However, not much we can do is there?

Yes probably judgemental but I’d rather be judgemental than risk causing my unborn baby harm by smoking.

Being a mum starts from pregnancy I am afraid as the baby is relying on mum to give it the very best start and forcing your smoke on to your unborn baby isn’t a very good start is it?

But of course this is mumsnet and you must never express a judgement on anything or you know the woman in question might only be risking harm to her unborn baby cos she finds it hard to stop or had a bad day the poor wee lamb. Who gives a fuck about the babies health right?

Its very common outside the local hospital to see people who can barely sit up and are in gowns, in wheelchairs and on drips being wheeled outside by their family and friends for a cigarette.

I think it a bit judgy yes but I think most people would agree with you. Weirdly Im always more judgy of young people smoking, as we have gone our whole lives knowing the danger of smoking, so made an informed choice when starting, whereas older people didn't. And I know once you start, it addictive and more so for some than others.

Seems rather hypocritical to me.

I have never smoked, so it has not been an issue for me. My DD smoked, but gave up with both pregnancies.

We have a friend who has not given up through her pregnancies, as she was unable too, what it being an addiction. She did massively cut down though. I know there are those who say she should have given up no matter what, but she felt the stress would have harmed her babies more.

My own DSis deliberately smoked through the pregnancies as she is very petite and wanted to make sure she had smaller babies. She did not even try to cut down. She says it didn't harm her children and will not see the link between her smoking and one of her DSs having asthma!