I'm desperate, please help me fart before I explode

[OnTheporch]

Yesterday I had a flexible siggy camera thing up my arse. For anyone not familiar with these, they pump your intestines full of air in order to get the camera around.

After the procedure I looked 6 months pregnant and could not fasten my (usually too big) jeans.

I had a few farts, it went down a bit but was still very uncomfortable.

Today I was fine until I ate a sandwich at lunch, then it bloated right up again. No farts at all today and after having my tea, I now look 9 months pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable, walking around in pyjama bottoms, can't get comfortable on the sofa as my belly is in the way. I'm desperate to fart.

I will pay for any meds, food or drink anyone can recommend??! I feel like I'm going to burst. It's bordering on painful.

Get in the downward dog position. Bum right up to the sky and chest on the floor.

Lie in back
Bring knees up to chest
Hold
Repeat
Repeat

Also lie on back and twist knees side to side

Failing that get
Someone to cycle your legs ( also when on back )

Eventually a fart will
Come

Peppermint tea? That's what I used after my c section. It caused burps more than anything else though. I think if you get down on all fours it's meant to help. Sounds very uncomfortable though.

Would some yoga moves help?

Maybe try lying down and bicycling your legs?

Lie down on your stomach. Usually works for me eventually

Peppermint tea?

Warm bath and try this exercise www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dq_F4Vdd6lsE&ved=0ahUKEwi_wsyEyaHbAhXDA8AKHTIRCHwQFggrMAE&usg=AOvVaw3RHrw6RY4KzQoE5W07DLca

A hot bath should help.

Peppermint tea or cordial, Andrews Liver salts or Wind Eze tablets.

I second stopfuckingshoutingatme’s suggestions.
It sounds silly but you can look at videos on YouTube for releasing trapped gas in babies.

Lie on your back with your knees bent up and move your legs side to side. You shouldn't really be that gassy from a siggy though, it doesn't go very far.

Peppermint tea or polo mints help me when I get really bad trapped wind, the kind where I almost phoned an ambulance the first time it happened as I couldn’t stand up and was in tears until I let go like a fog horn

do you have a yo go ball? if so hands on the floor one side legs the other, then gentely roll back an forth.

if not, kneel on the floor head and chest on the ground.

l learnt them in anti natal class

Can you get some deflatine? I used it after my section and it seemed to help.

roll your shoulders
massage belly clockwise
face down bum up

not all at once lol

Try a hot water bottle.

Lie on your belly on the carpet/floor. Trust me it works.

I used to fly for a living, and that’s the only way bubbles would pop out 💩

And peppermint Gaviscon!

Colon massage! TMI but I’m always constipated but this is the only thing that works for me, press down on your lower right side in a circular motion and then slowly work your way around and above your belly button around to the left side until you get to the bottom then go towards the middle (under your belly button). You have to press a little hard and can feel your poo if it’s full. Gets your gut and bowels moving and will definitely reduce the air. I’m a children’s nurse and do this at work to babies all the time. YouTube videos of it if you’re unsure

All the above suggestions and this: Lie (knees up) or sit down and massage your lower stomach hard in a circular movement from top right clockwise to down right and back up, several times. This should help the gas in the colon move down. This is also a good method for constipation (recommended to me by several health professionals... and boy does it work!).

Cross post with bgblues!

Arrange a very formal tea with the vicar.

Go sit in a library.

Have a job interview.

Introduce yourself to some new neighbours.

Hot date.

Go to a wedding and wait for the bit where they say 'If anyone presents objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace' because there's always a moment's silence after that.

On similar lines, when's Armistice Day? Oh, November. You can't wait that long.

I find these sorts of occasions bring out the farts, it's a special part of Murphy's Law.

Good luck OnTheporch.

PS I second Deflatine.

Peppermint tea and coffee?

Asian squat!