I'm desperate, please help me fart before I explode

[OnTheporch]

Yesterday I had a flexible siggy camera thing up my arse. For anyone not familiar with these, they pump your intestines full of air in order to get the camera around.

After the procedure I looked 6 months pregnant and could not fasten my (usually too big) jeans.

I had a few farts, it went down a bit but was still very uncomfortable.

Today I was fine until I ate a sandwich at lunch, then it bloated right up again. No farts at all today and after having my tea, I now look 9 months pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable, walking around in pyjama bottoms, can't get comfortable on the sofa as my belly is in the way. I'm desperate to fart.

I will pay for any meds, food or drink anyone can recommend??! I feel like I'm going to burst. It's bordering on painful.

Sigismoid the mad maths master?

Lie on your left. Eat a tube of Wind-ezees

Good luck

I also suggest Deflatine

For me, diet cola, energy drinks, coffee and cigarettes also help to unleash the beast (if you like any of them), although they might make it all worse for a bit beforehand...

Peppermint tea. Not boiling hot, but pleasantly warm- so add a little cold water. If none of that then warm water will probably do the same job. I also like Colpermin peppermint oil capsules or the senocalm tablets. I have ulcerative colitis and I get awful bloating and agonising wind which makes me want to vomit with the pain.

Fromage

Drinking pineapple juice or eating a fresh one usually makes me fart.

"Happy Baby" yoga pose

Lots of walking, rocking back and forth while sitting crossed legged - I had trapped wind after gallbladder surgery, literally feel your pain!

Downward dog for sure.
If you've someone with you, lie on stomach amd get them to massage lower back quite forcefully.

Long walk and sex?

Squat down for a bit, some yoga - child’s pose and downward dog, some jogging on the spot, gently massage your tummy, hot bath, hot drink - do all of these and keep repeating, it will feel uncomfortable for a bit though, I hope you feel better soon.

have a fag.

On your back rock backwards and forwards. If desperate then a lubricated finger up there will shift.

Lay on your left side with your knees bent towards your chest. If you have any Andrews liver salts, or Deflatine or similar, then take some. Very gentle massage of your abdomen can help.

Colpermin tablets are great. They are made of peppermint oil. You can buy them over the counter.

Stand in a room by yourself, just before unexpected visitors drop by. That should do it. Alternatively, downward dog, or a strong cup of coffee to get everything moving along.

Peppermint tea, or a teeny bit of peppermint oil in warm water.

Squat, stay down for a few seconds, stand up slowly. And repeat.

This one, just a few drops www.sainsburys.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/gb/groceries/sainsburys-american-peppermint-extract--taste-the-difference-38ml?langId=44&storeId=10151&krypto=2KxpcbjbhrFIFQCDLqCbYtcDDIDnOkoFw93CZtHnXmQFuSzZDCWCt5x7Bsz1TgfBX%2Bfl0%2BLxcGBJq4wCDSVox7TBWybdaLytvACoKwkfK%2B5VwSkAJ8uzckHr4W0LCIQ5&ddkey=https%3Agb%2Fgroceries%2Fsainsburys-american-peppermint-extract--taste-the-difference-38ml

Gravity is your friend.
Bum in the air, massage your stomach in a clockwise direction.

Trapped wind is the worst.

Have you farted yet OP? Not a question I ever thought I'd ask tbh.

I had one on Tuesday and was a bit windy but not as bad as you ,poor thing .
Did you watch on the screen ? It was fascinating , and I had forgotten how nice gas and air is !
I second the arse in air position alternating with massage .

Lie on your left side, helps straighten out everything.

Seriously though, if you don't manage to pass wind soon, ring 111 as you may have a torsion. This is why endoscopy won't discharge you until you've passed wind.

I second lie on your left hand side.