I'm desperate, please help me fart before I explode

[OnTheporch]

Yesterday I had a flexible siggy camera thing up my arse. For anyone not familiar with these, they pump your intestines full of air in order to get the camera around.

After the procedure I looked 6 months pregnant and could not fasten my (usually too big) jeans.

I had a few farts, it went down a bit but was still very uncomfortable.

Today I was fine until I ate a sandwich at lunch, then it bloated right up again. No farts at all today and after having my tea, I now look 9 months pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable, walking around in pyjama bottoms, can't get comfortable on the sofa as my belly is in the way. I'm desperate to fart.

I will pay for any meds, food or drink anyone can recommend??! I feel like I'm going to burst. It's bordering on painful.

Peppermint cordial in hot water then lie on your back and massage a figure 8 from beneath your boobs down to your pubic line around your stomach and lower abdomen- do this for 10 minutes

Visit a supermarket. Always gets things moving for me.

If you’ve not farted yet, and you feel sick or have been sick, or have significant tummy pain- please call 111.

@furry - it's bookshops for me. I think its the gentle walk and relaxation whilst browsing.

I've had to leave WH Smith before and lay a massive log before continuing to browse the true crime section.

Slide down the stairs slowly face down on your stomach

Do some push ups

Chicken you have made me laugh as did the poster who said go for a run I understand that it works but not when so bloated and in pain.
Hope you've found some relief OP.

If you have some Milk of Magnesia, take some, it should help.

Hopefully the OP is whizzing around her lounge in the style of a balloon blown up and immediately released.

@clownface - sometimes a good laugh can make me fart!

Literally place marking so I can find out if op farted yet

Peppermint was recommended after my c-section.

I have to admit that this thread has made me fart 🤡🤡

How long has it been since you last passed wind? Being completely unable to pass any (not just that it's not enough to relieve the bloating and discomfort) does require medical attention to make sure you're not obstructed.

Hopefully the odd stretches and massages have done the trick and you're feeling back to normal already!

Can't wait for the update:

"Hi everyone, so sorry for the delay but I'm delighted to announce that after performing various yoga poses and consuming pints of vile green beverages, things started moving and at 23:05hrs today, after 6.5 hours of labour and 20 mins pushing, Big Fart was born! BF was a whopping 20 seconds long and weighed in at 80 decibels! The odorosity measured off the scale! I'm exhausted but happy. Thank you all for the support, I'm off to try and get some rest".

fart like a brewery horse I cant type proply for laughing [laugh]

I second going to a supermarket. Always a few pop out as i browse the isle. Then calmly walk away from the area you farted in. Preferably into the next isle

Will be trying ALL these in hope it will also help constipation????

(just had gallbladder surgery and utterly mis re constipation Day 7...)

I really need to know if the ops farted. Seriously need to start a hobby

Damn, no update. Maybe it was a 'fart troll'. It's given me a giggle.

All bran...

Or second best Bran Flakes?

Plate full of deli meats and cheeses followed by an attempt to get amorous usually works for me

Thanks for the replies and suggestions. After trying the colon massage, downward dog and lying on floor on stomach, I finally managed two small farts. I feel a bit better for it but still very ballooned. Going to get back on the floor on my stomach in a minute as that seemed to work the best. Will have to kick the dog out though as he tried to hump me last time 🙄

If no better tomorrow I'll go and get some of the meds that have been mentioned.

Chicken I did laugh at your update !!!!

OP hope you feel better soon.