I'm desperate, please help me fart before I explode

[OnTheporch]

Yesterday I had a flexible siggy camera thing up my arse. For anyone not familiar with these, they pump your intestines full of air in order to get the camera around.

After the procedure I looked 6 months pregnant and could not fasten my (usually too big) jeans.

I had a few farts, it went down a bit but was still very uncomfortable.

Today I was fine until I ate a sandwich at lunch, then it bloated right up again. No farts at all today and after having my tea, I now look 9 months pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable, walking around in pyjama bottoms, can't get comfortable on the sofa as my belly is in the way. I'm desperate to fart.

I will pay for any meds, food or drink anyone can recommend??! I feel like I'm going to burst. It's bordering on painful.

Only thing that helps me is sitting on the loo and rocking forwards and backwards whilst wiggling arse - I had to teach my poor DS this and we aptly named it the ‘wind bum wiggle’!... hope you get some relief soon.

Try rubbing your shoulder - in circles high up on your back. Usually the left side. I know it sounds mad but just try it.

Medicate! Wind-eze/deflatine straight away.

Massage your stomach in circular movements

Trapped wind is the worst! If I wasn't already in hospital I'd have phoned an ambulance when I had it after my c-section, it was so painful! I actually pressed the emergency buzzer on the wall that makes 30 people run into your room within ten seconds - it was so sudden and excruciating I thought something had gone horribly wrong

Gave everyone a good laugh anyway. Peppermint tea and colon massage helps.

Warm bath. Go to the pharmacy and ask for a liquigel with dimethicone as the active ingredient - used to be called windcheaters, I think. Failing that use infacol (that you give to babies). Hope you feel better soon.

Drinking hot water slowly can help, as well as black coffee, hot beverages in general as green tea and the sorts can also help.

Use index finger and press firmly in belly midway between belly button and top of pubic bone, that'll sort you out.

Peppermint oil capsules. Move your legs like you are upside down cycling, then stand and walk around and they do again. Don't sit still. Massage your lower abdomen gently.

Arrange a formal tea with the vicar

It sounds awful OP. Hope you get some relief soon!

Any luck OP?

I agree with the lubricated finger up... there

How are you op?

Lie on your tummy and stay there. Watch telly or something like that

Deflatine might help? Hope you get some relief soon.

Pants off. Soapy finger up bum. Forehead down. Bum up.

Relax.

And parrrrrrrrppppp.

fromage
love them helpful tips

Ginger , fresh if possible, eaten raw or steeped in very hot water and drink water once cool enough . or powered / crystallised / biccys and eatten drank in small but continuous ( every 15 mins or so ) amounts .

which ever of the methods you choose to use keep doing until well after you have felt all your gas has gone to make sure it does not build back up .

Ooh, a live fart thread!

Green tea. A brisk walk. Followed by browsing magazines or books in a shop. The stimulation then relaxation will make you (suddenly) need a big farty poop!

Enjoy!

Appaz lying on your left side helps align your intestines the right way. Good luck OP! You deserve this sweet release

You had better come back OP or people will think you are the fart troll.

Hope things have improved by now, but if you've literally not passed any wind at all today I'd probably phone 111 or take a trip to A&E, especially if you're inflating and having pain. There's just a small chance that things are blocked or twisted & may need something more medical than yoga and a bonkers diet to fix it.

I agree with downward dog position, then lay on your left side and massage your tummy in circles

Can I just say I really love the simple poetry of @stopfuckingshoutingatme original post;

”Eventually a fart will
Come”

Beautiful.

Also, I hope you’ve parped OP

Take some Windsetlers if you are anywhere near a chemist. Great things. Then on your knees, chest down, arse up in the air and wiggle your bum about. If nothing forthcoming, lie on your left hand side and slowly bring your right knee to your chest and then back to straight. Repeat as long as necessary.

While you wait enjoy these little limericks.

A fart is a wonderful creature
It lives in the valley of bum
It travels around in your knickers
And comes out with a musical hum

There was a young girl of la Plata
Who was widely renowned as a farter
Her deafening reports
At the Argentine sports
Made her much in demand as a starter

Where are you op? Have you finally farted and blasted yourself into space?

I had an endoscopy last year. Best way to get rid of the wind was to go on all fours, then put head on ground with arse in air.

Good luck.