I'm desperate, please help me fart before I explode

[OnTheporch]

Yesterday I had a flexible siggy camera thing up my arse. For anyone not familiar with these, they pump your intestines full of air in order to get the camera around.

After the procedure I looked 6 months pregnant and could not fasten my (usually too big) jeans.

I had a few farts, it went down a bit but was still very uncomfortable.

Today I was fine until I ate a sandwich at lunch, then it bloated right up again. No farts at all today and after having my tea, I now look 9 months pregnant. I'm so uncomfortable, walking around in pyjama bottoms, can't get comfortable on the sofa as my belly is in the way. I'm desperate to fart.

I will pay for any meds, food or drink anyone can recommend??! I feel like I'm going to burst. It's bordering on painful.

Camel pose usually gets things moving for me

Go for a run

CandleWithHair

Thanks - it’s actually my phone / accidental fart poetry

OP have you farted ? 🙏

Trapped wind is the worst, you have my sympathies. Windeze (or windyfartblast as I call it) always works for me.

Crouch right down on the floor with knees to your chest

On all fours, lower chest to the ground, bum in the air, rock backwards and forwards

HAVE YOU FARTED YET OP?
HAVE YOU FARTED YET OP?
HAVE YOU FARTED YET OP?
HAVE YOU FARTED YET OP?

3 pints of real ale usually does it for me.

What worked for me after surgery: cut a clove or two of garlic into small peices, put them in your mouth in one go and drink them with a sip of water. DO NOT chew. Just swallow. It took me about 45 minutes to start to get it out slowly. Few hours later, I repeated it. Hope you feel better soon. It sounds painful.

Placemarking. I need to know if you farted

Peppermint helped me fart and burp my way down from in pain and inflated after my c section.

Waiting for an update! Hope you're currently sitting in a cloud of your own stench

I wonder how many other people are scrolling for the fart?

@ChasedByBees 🤣😂 meeee!

This pose is amazing for farts. I’ve used it many times.

Followed by browsing magazines or books in a shop. The stimulation then relaxation will make you (suddenly) need a big farty poop!

I love how specific this is

Good luck OP, downward dog always works for me

My great-grandmother swore by a single teaspoon of brandy for wind, especially for children who ate too many raw peas.

Bold fail

@chasedbybees @pinknails - I so did this after reading the first 5 comments, not sure why but glad to know I’m not the only one who is curious.

Visit the queen.

Also alternating between these two positions, a shoulder stand, and a good abdominal massage, will have you farting like a brewery horse in no time.

🤣

Please see a doctor. This can be dangerous

Peppermint tea and a walk, or up and down stairs is good