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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my MIL a terrible host?

176 replies

Cad0rt3 · 18/05/2018 07:19

When we arrive the first thing she says is complaning that dinner is late as they've been waiting. We called twice in the long journey down and let them know hours before what time we would get there. Not our fault if they were gardening for the first call but thee second call they picked up for so knew! Food was made a week ago and frozen and we did say don't wait for us.

When we arrived the only options of a drink are apple juice or water as that's all she likes.

I'm allergic to plug in things, she knows this and they are all throughout the house.

Bedding has been washed in something really strong smelling that is vile and not pleasant to sleep on. She knows I hate stuff like that and makes me unwell.

She doesn't knock to enter the bedroom we are staying in, just starts talking and slowly opening the door. I get its her house but still knock rather than just opening doors ffs!

The "curtains" are a very thin bit of fabric so of course I was woken at 5am as they do nothing to block any light, she has blackout ones in her room..

Finally got off to sleep around 7ish only to be woken up by her loudly opening the curtains in the room directly below where I'm sleeping. Really noisy and unnecessary

OP posts:
fc301 · 18/05/2018 07:23

Yep.

Singlebutmarried · 18/05/2018 07:23

At least yours made food.

I have to take my own coffee to mine.

But yes she sounds like a poo host.

MaidenMotherCrone · 18/05/2018 07:24

You don’t really like her very much do you?

CaliforniaDream · 18/05/2018 07:25

Both curtain complaints are petty but the rest sounds awful! I'd keep overnight visits to a minimum...

Sirzy · 18/05/2018 07:26

Meh most of those things are mildly annoying at most.

You really expect her to change her washing powder just for you? And to not open curtains?

Knocking would be polite and the only thing on the list I would get annoyed about

Original poster
Cad0rt3 · 18/05/2018 07:26

I'd rather she didn't make food, it often tastes of fairy liquid. I've bought coffee before and shes complained that the mugs will be stained and need to be bleached.

OP posts:
CaliforniaDream · 18/05/2018 07:27

You don’t really like her very much do you?

Would you? She sounds awful...

ClaudiaWankleman · 18/05/2018 07:27

YABU about the curtains and bedding. Grasping for things to complain about as you clearly dislike her.

Ginmakesitallok · 18/05/2018 07:27

Where's fil in all this?

FleeceDetective · 18/05/2018 07:28

Meh, there seems to be a personality clash.

If I was going home to my parents and I wanted specific drinks I'd bring them along with me. I don't really think our parents 'host' us, we just go back to see them.

pinkginanyone · 18/05/2018 07:29

Why do you stay here, surely a hotel would be better suited?

Original poster
Cad0rt3 · 18/05/2018 07:29

The curtains oi onjly mention because she obviously herself likes thick ones that block the light but doesn't offer guests the same. Opening the ones downstairs could be done much much quieter.

Theknockin just opening doors is probably the most annoying for me. I would never dream of doing that.

OP posts:
CaliforniaDream · 18/05/2018 07:30

My BIL has a lot of allergies and finds strongly scented washing powder really unpleasant because it makes him feel unwell. I buy unscented powder to do the spare room sheets if he's staying because it's a minor inconvenience for me and saves him loads of discomfort. Wouldn't occur to me to do anything differently tbh - I don't think he should suffer feeling ill and uncomfortable to save me a couple of pounds and one wash cycle!

SarahSiddons · 18/05/2018 07:31

Honestly most of those complaints are you expecting her to fix her home to how you like it - change the curtains, change the washing powder, change her air freshener, buy special drinks.

I agree bursting into the room is rude as is the comment about wat*ng for dinner. Having said that my parents in law would say / do that kind of thing. It’s annoying but I care about them, they’re part of my family so I don’t make a big thing of it. I don’t think you do care about yours.

Singlenotsingle · 18/05/2018 07:32

Was the food good though?
Was the bed comfy?
Is she generally a nice person or do you think she did all this on purpose?
What did dh say about all this? Did he say anything to mil?
There's no place like home, is there, where everything's exactly how we like it. Hopefully you won't be staying at mil's for too long. (I agree with you about plug ins and scented sheets though).

Marriedwithchildren5 · 18/05/2018 07:33

You asked if she was a terrible host. She is! Anyone who disagrees need to raise their standard's a bit.

Original poster
Cad0rt3 · 18/05/2018 07:33

I don't expect her to change the washing powder, just not add the fabric conditioner or whatever it is as she does know I have allergies and the bedding was apparently washed especially for us. No washing powder I've ever used makes bedding smell this strongly. Fil is fine.

There isn't a hotel in this small place, but yes will not stay here again.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 18/05/2018 07:33

Sounds like you aren't a very good guest either.

Roussette · 18/05/2018 07:35

It sounds like she can't do right for doing wrong.

The sheets have probably been washed and some comfort addded in final cycle, is that so bad? At least they're clean and she's made an effort to make sure of that. Plug in air fresheners, I don't like them particularly either, but I'd put up with them for the sake of harmony.

So she made a casserole or lasagne or whatever and froze it and then brought it out? It's what people up and down the country do every day - take something out the freezer. And perhaps she just wants to be ready for your arrival and not cooking when you arrive.

You don't like the curtains in your bedroom and she's not allowed to draw her curtains downstairs until you give permission... rightio...

You sound a delight and this - to me - comes across as a MIL bashing thread. There is nothing of substance in your post to moan about.

Chat to her. Ask her nicely if it's OK if you could unplug the air fresheners and plug them back in when you go. Take a bottle of wine and offer to open it. Drink most of it if necessary and you'll be out like a light and won't hear her drawing her curtains in the morning (shock horror)

MaidenMotherCrone · 18/05/2018 07:36

californiadreaming she doesn’t sound awful at all but the Op does come across as a bit of a princess though.

FleeceDetective · 18/05/2018 07:36

I don't expect her to change the washing powder, just not add the fabric conditioner or whatever it is as she does know I have allergies and the bedding was apparently washed especially for us. No washing powder I've ever used makes bedding smell this strongly. Fil is fine.

Fil is fine? Why isn't he culpable for not having blackout blinds up in the spare room, or him enjoying the plug ins?

CaliforniaDream · 18/05/2018 07:37

I would leave the thread OP. Anyone in the real world would agree that she sounds like a PITA and not very considerate of your actual allergies but because this is MN having any expectation that people will be considerate will have you written off as an entitled brat who should be grateful for a straw mattress and a bowl of gruel.

I agree that she sounds like a terrible host. Not actively having known allergens about is a pretty basic thing imo, as is knocking before entering a room and not haranguing your guests about dinner as soon as they arrive!

MarthasGinYard · 18/05/2018 07:38

'Fil is fine? Why isn't he culpable for not having blackout blinds up in the spare room, or him enjoying the plug ins?'

Exactly

MotherofDinosaurs · 18/05/2018 07:38

You sound like hard work to be honest. Her home is how she likes it. Why on earth should everything be about you? If she comes to stay with you do you change your washing powder and get plugins in for her? I have a nicer mattress on my bed than on the guest bed because it's my home where I live. It's not a boutique hotel with a fucking pillow menu for picky guests. And your complaint about noisy curtain-opening is ludicrous. My sympathies to your mil who you are clearly enthusiastic about finding fault with. Grow up.

couchparsnip · 18/05/2018 07:38

Yes she clearly doesn't like having guests and doesn't seem to want to cater for you. The not knocking issue would be the worst thing for me. I used to have guests a lot and would never go in their room at all. It's their private place.