is my MIL a terrible host?

[Cad0rt3]

When we arrive the first thing she says is complaning that dinner is late as they've been waiting. We called twice in the long journey down and let them know hours before what time we would get there. Not our fault if they were gardening for the first call but thee second call they picked up for so knew! Food was made a week ago and frozen and we did say don't wait for us.

When we arrived the only options of a drink are apple juice or water as that's all she likes.

I'm allergic to plug in things, she knows this and they are all throughout the house.

Bedding has been washed in something really strong smelling that is vile and not pleasant to sleep on. She knows I hate stuff like that and makes me unwell.

She doesn't knock to enter the bedroom we are staying in, just starts talking and slowly opening the door. I get its her house but still knock rather than just opening doors ffs!

The "curtains" are a very thin bit of fabric so of course I was woken at 5am as they do nothing to block any light, she has blackout ones in her room..

Finally got off to sleep around 7ish only to be woken up by her loudly opening the curtains in the room directly below where I'm sleeping. Really noisy and unnecessary

yeah, opening curtains in her house and using washing powder, what a fucking bitch!

I often imagine a lot of Mnetters to be the princess out of The Princess and the Pea. Such delicate creatures.

I think people don’t realise that MILs aren’t all bad and their can equally be bad DILs

I wish the posters thinking that if someone doesn't end up
a) leaving
b) being hospitalised or
c) dying
then they simply cannot be allergic would think again.

So if the OP isn't going to die and is still able to draw breath, she's absolutely fine? There are many, many different reactions people can have to chemicals like plug ins or fabric softener. From wheezing to blinding migraines. Itching skin and eczema flare ups. None of which I would like to put up with for very long.

parent if any of those applied to the OP then surely she'd bring her own sheets with her. I know I'd do that rather than expect my host to change their washing regime.

From wheezing to blinding migraines. Itching skin and eczema flare ups. None of which I would like to put up with for very long.

so basically everything that would make a reasonable adult leave?
Is the OP also allergic to water, or apple juice, and has medical issues requiring specific curtains?

She hasn’t come back to clarify if she has allergies to those things, or doesn’t like them.

I’ll give you my house if she’s allergic to curtains being opened, or to drinking water!

Can people please accept that the plug-ins and the violently scented sheets are not minor. these things are really not ok

Fuck sake 😂😂😂😂

Of course they’re ok! They might not be to your taste, but they’re ok.

They’re not ok for my son becuase they affect his actual, real conditions so I don’t have them, and if I went somewhere that did, I’d unplug the plug-ins, and wash the bedding.

It is annoying when people use the word 'allergy' when they mean something else. It causes issues to people who do have more serious allergies when the word is misused as it lessens the impact of the word.

noone changed their curtains when i come round-they also dont tiptoe around so as not to wake me-its their house after all

My husband has bad asthma and he get attacks from all the horrible artificial products. He would have a bad reaction to plug ins, which we don’t use and the same for fabric softeners which again we don’t use.

We did have to get the ambulance for him once for a really bad attack so all this is not trivial. We always stay in hotels when we go away not stay with people and hotels don’t seem to use all these unnecessary products. I also hate sleeping on bed linen that smells of excessive washing powder and conditioner.

Plug ins make me sneeze/watery itchy eyes/can trigger asthma attack (especially those annoying ones that spray every so often) and give me horrid migraines. Antihistamines do not prevent this.

I simply wouldn't be able to stay in that house. Same with cars that have those stinky air fresheners hanging on the mirror.

I also couldn't/wouldn't stay somewhere that pets slept on beds.

It sounds horrific. Don't stay there again OP. Just because she's your MIL, you don't have to put up with it. You don't have to grow up either. Just don't be a doormat and put up with it, like those who scream 'MIL hater' would

Put up with what?

All of it. Don't like it, don't stay there again. It's pretty easy, isn't it?

You can use tinfoil as a cheap, temporary black out blind.
Just wet the window and the tinfoil sticks to it.

An eye mask would be a tad easier!

Yes, Radio, it’s very easy not to stay there again.

Still none the wiser on what was “horrific”. The apple juice? The water? The curtain opening??

The whole thing generally Mags. Each to their own.

I agree that most of the behaviour being complained about here is equally the responsability of the FIL.

If was thoughtless of PILs not to remember your allergies but if you know them well enough to expect them to remember this, you should also have remembered that they are like that and brought your own sheets and something to cover the spare room window.

If opening curtains loudly is “horrific” you’ve led a very charmed life.

No the issue with the curtains is she seems to have deliberately opened them loudly. You can open curtains without making so much noise.

😂

That’s made my weekend get off to a great start.

Thank you Mags. I have indeed. Its been wonderful.

As usual we’ve got the LTB brigade steaming I urging the OP to go no contact with this particular mil. Can you just imagine telling someone in the cold light of day that you didn’t speak to your mil because of her fabric conditioner ?!!!

And as always, can people not see the other side of the coin? What if your dh refused to see your parents because of noisy curtain opening? I know on MN such a silly attitude would receive short shrift.

Agree that if OP had serious allergies a) mil would have been informed and b) OP would have taken her own bedding. It is beyond annoying when people dress up a dislike (even a very strong one) as an allergy. PLEASE don’t let this turn into an allergy thread. We all know what a serious allergic reaction involves. Clearly the Op lived to tell the tale after sleeping on these “violent” bedsheets as she was able to feel annoyance about the curtains being opened in the morning.