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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stop my daughter going to Childminder

166 replies

Olu123 · 16/05/2018 20:29

Please help me. My four year old dd has been going to a childminder four days a week after school for a year now. She’s a single mum with another dd similar age to mine and of course other kids she childminds.
Twice I pick dd up, there’s a man in the house. He doesn’t hide it, has been by the door both times. First time It happened I didn’t think too much of it, second time I get worried as he in fact tells me dd had a nice day etc
Childminder offers no explanation just chats about what they have been up to in the day.
I Picked dd up yesterday (cm has only my dd and hers on Tuesdays no other kids) and asking her about her day, she says cm took her to the park, just out of curiosity I ask if anyone else was there and she says yes (mentions the mans name) was there, they met him at the park but he didn’t come to the house today.
Am I right to be horrified? I suspect new bf or maybe not so new as my dd’S vocabulary has just gone up so maybe he’s been around and I never asked and she never said.
Are cms allowed to have other adults around while working?
I’m sure the guy doesn’t live there but I’m so Scared now That im almost sick and don’t think I can let her go there anymore . Also worried and wonder if iabu as dd loves it there, wants to go and will ask if she’s going to cm even on the weekend. loves her dd as well.
Sorry for the rambling but so confused right now.

OP posts:
Camomila · 16/05/2018 20:32

Uhm...he could be another DCs dad or a male CM/CM assistant or her brother or anything really. Why don't you just ask (and if he's just a random friend ask if he has DBS check)

RapunzelsRealMom · 16/05/2018 20:33

Have you asked the childminder who he is? What his role is in relation to the children? Has he been crb checked?

Perhaps her explanation will allay your fears, or perhaps it will prompt discussion around your discomfort.

You're entitled to know who is with your DD when you're not

Luisa27 · 16/05/2018 20:33

I wouldn’t like that either OP. At all.
I’d be concerned that I’d never been introduced properly as to who this chap is??
As far as I’m aware any person over the age of 16 spending any time at the house of a reg childminder has to have a full enhanced DBS certificate?

angryburd · 16/05/2018 20:34

...ask CM who he is?

Luisa27 · 16/05/2018 20:34

fully

Metoodear · 16/05/2018 20:34

You are aloud to have people
In your home while childminding
Your also allowed to meet up with people if she is seeing somone she doesn’t have to declare it however she simply has to make sure anyone who is around the children are fit and proper

I visit my friend who is a childminder every Friday we have lunch at her house I have small children. As well and shock horror she takes the childminding children swimming on a Friday with her boyfriend and his children

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 16/05/2018 20:35

Just ask. Child minding happens in people’s homes. A lot of them are married and their husbands are regularly around. I don’t think you’d be out of order to ask about DBS though (there’s a good chance she’s done it ) but to be horrified without finding out is a bit dramatic

Luisa27 · 16/05/2018 20:35

It’s worrying that she feels this unexplained man being there is acceptable. The guidelines are quite clear involving safeguarding rules

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 16/05/2018 20:36

I’m sure the guy doesn’t live there but I’m so Scared now That im almost sick and don’t think I can let her go there anymore

This isn’t a normal reaction. You should speak to your GP or a counsellor.

And yes, of course childminders are allowed to have other adults around when working!!

Luisa27 · 16/05/2018 20:36

....,I’m assuming you’d be aware already if this were her husband OP?

Metoodear · 16/05/2018 20:36

Luisa27
Incorrect

It’s anyone living at the house if you had to have everyone dbs before they came you wouldn’t even be able to have ofsted cost as they wouldn’t be DBS for the sole purpose of visiting your address
Please know what your talking about before scarring op

Just ask who the fudge who the guy is and stop asking a small child

Luisa27 · 16/05/2018 20:38

You’re incorrect there Zibidoo - any registered chilminders around?

Metoodear · 16/05/2018 20:38

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed You only need to be DBS if your living with childminder however childminder would be stupid to date a guy just out jail

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 16/05/2018 20:38
Hmm

I’ve just completed the registration process.

BlueSuffragette · 16/05/2018 20:39

Ask CM who is he and can you show me his DBS clearance details. If not ring Ofsted and express your safeguarding concerns.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 16/05/2018 20:39

And no, I’m not incorrect.

Metoodear · 16/05/2018 20:40

Luisa27 No you are I was a childminder for 3 years oh and guess what foster carers are allowed to have non dbs people in their own homes as well

Wtf crazy

TroubledLichen · 16/05/2018 20:40

A childminder is in their own home. So it’s likely that on occasion her boyfriend, brother, next door neighbour etc. might pop round. It’s not like a nursery environment where there’s a locked door and the kids only have contact with the nursery staff. I wouldn’t panic about this, if your DD went for a play date at a friend’s and the mum’s new boyfriend happened to also be there presumably you wouldn’t freak out.

I do see why you’re worried though, you don’t know this person and he seems to be around a lot of the time such as when the kids are at the park; you’re paying the childminder to look after your daughter, not socialise with her boyfriend.

I would ask the childminder who he is and if he’s been DBS checked. Also maybe consider if a nursery might be more what you’re looking for in terms of childcare.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 16/05/2018 20:40

Ask CM who is he

And then only if he is a resident of the house or a regular visitor you can ask

and can you show me his DBS clearance details.

Metoodear · 16/05/2018 20:40

BlueSuffragetteConfused

What the duck

Heismyopendoor · 16/05/2018 20:41

You need to ask her who he is.

I think you are over reacting massively op. Cms are allowed to be in the company of others. Either in their own home or out and about. I’m absolutely sure she wouldn’t have someone around her own child, or others, that she didn’t trust or have good faith in. Plus she shouldn’t be leaving him alone with the children so I really wouldn’t worry. But do ask to put your mind at rest.

YABU

Luisa27 · 16/05/2018 20:41

I presume you mean scaring - not actually scarring ? Hmm

Happy to be corrected by an informed source but I think you’ll find any adult in the home and routinely around the children ( ie this chap) are obliged by law to have DBS
As an aside - why on earth would finding out who this bloke is be scaring the OP? I think the OP is right to be concerned

Metoodear · 16/05/2018 20:41

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo

These people have been smoking weed

And clearly no nothing about childminder rules

Soundsgood · 16/05/2018 20:42

A DBS check doesn't make that person safe. Sometimes it means they have never been caught though OP.

It's like saying you have a clean driving licence. It doesn't mean you haven't committed any driving offences when no one is looking.

gruffaloschild1 · 16/05/2018 20:42

I find it strange. She's at work.

She shouldn't be socialising

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