Stop my daughter going to Childminder

[Olu123]

Please help me. My four year old dd has been going to a childminder four days a week after school for a year now. She’s a single mum with another dd similar age to mine and of course other kids she childminds.
Twice I pick dd up, there’s a man in the house. He doesn’t hide it, has been by the door both times. First time It happened I didn’t think too much of it, second time I get worried as he in fact tells me dd had a nice day etc
Childminder offers no explanation just chats about what they have been up to in the day.
I Picked dd up yesterday (cm has only my dd and hers on Tuesdays no other kids) and asking her about her day, she says cm took her to the park, just out of curiosity I ask if anyone else was there and she says yes (mentions the mans name) was there, they met him at the park but he didn’t come to the house today.
Am I right to be horrified? I suspect new bf or maybe not so new as my dd’S vocabulary has just gone up so maybe he’s been around and I never asked and she never said.
Are cms allowed to have other adults around while working?
I’m sure the guy doesn’t live there but I’m so Scared now That im almost sick and don’t think I can let her go there anymore . Also worried and wonder if iabu as dd loves it there, wants to go and will ask if she’s going to cm even on the weekend. loves her dd as well.
Sorry for the rambling but so confused right now.

Thanks for the sane responses. I will ask her who he is and not just pull dd out.
For the ones saying I’m not normal, immature etc. My query though was whether cms could have guests while working not whether I was normal, immature or whatever diagnosis you came up with. I don’t entertain guests while at work so found it completely strange.

Thank you Booble

Just read all that

We’re all saying the sam thing luisa. Keep up.

Am I right to be horrified?

No.

Child minders are allowed to have Partners. They do not sew up their vaginas upon becoming a child minder.

Good plan Olu - hope you get it sorted

I'm with you completely OP and I'm not ashamed to say I'd be completely freaked out and pissed off

OP it’s your extreme reaction (intense fear to the point of feeling sick) to seeing an adult visiting your CMer that is worrying.

Everyone who is saying they would be freaked out, would you feel the same if there was a woman in the house when you went to collect?

I think the motto of this thread folks should be - “choose your childminder wisely”

I'm with you OP!

Oh thank the Lord @helpimfalling - for a moment there I thought I’d fallen into a weird parallel universe 😂

Luisa you’re too funny 😂 clearly OPs CMer is a wrong’un. She knows a man!!!

Christ, this thread has put me off ever using a childminder!! It's a piss take! Getting paid to entertain boyfriends during their working hours, yes because that's normal in the world of work.

Op, you are definitely right to be concerned, I hope you get on ok when you speak to her tomorrow.

I wouldn't be horrified but wouldn't be happy. If he was new staff she would have introduced him.

This is one of the reasons I'd never use a CM, parents have no idea who is around their children or where they are and with who. A nursery offered far more security for me.

Aw thanks @Zibidoo - I think I’m quite funny something too

Sadly - you’re not

@helpimfalling. - isn’t it. I’m quite pissed as well as we went into a lot of effort getting the right cm that it feels a shame she didn’t even introduce the guy. I’ll definitely be asking
Zibbidoo - you are not leaving this alone are you?. Even if anyone was on your side your constant going on and on about it makes me think you can’t be right. You are trying too hard to convince others of your position. I’m getting more worried and sick reading your constant posts

I think I’m quite funny something too smile

Funny something is right!

It certainly isn’t normal to feel scared to the point of feeling sick because the childminder had a visitor in her house!

As a childminder for many years, I would have been very concerned about my relationship with a parent who panicked because they say an unfamiliar adult in my house. That is either about an abnormal level of anxiety or there are trust issues.

Any adult living in the house where a childminder works has to be DBS checked. The childminder is trusted not to leave the children alone with other adults unless they are assistants anyway.

Childminding is usually about caring for children in the way you would care for your own in your own home. Having visitors and meeting friends at the park are normal, everyday events and should be part of the childminder's day. Also shopping and going to lots of other places where there are unfamiliar adults.

OP, if you don't trust your childminder to keep your child safe, that is the issue you need to address. Work out why and if she has done anything to make you feel like that or you are overreacting.

Would you have felt the same if it had been a woman visiting?

Yes - I agree wedwobbin - v concerning

I hope ( pray) Zibidoo is the exception - not the norm 😐

Look Op your response to a person being n your childminders house is not normal. Feeling sick about it, is not normal. Wanting to know who he is and if he has been DBS checked- perfectly normal. Wanting to pull your child out of her childcare because you saw a man there- not normal.

so found it completely strange.

No, you didn't find it strange. You said you were so scared you felt sick. Finding it strange is a normal reaction. Being so scared you feel sick isn't. Just ask the childminder who the bloke is.

Totally agree not normal reaction

Christ, this thread has put me off ever using a childminder!! It's a piss take! Getting paid to entertain boyfriends during their working hours, yes because that's normal in the world of work

That’s quite an extrapolation...

My childminders happily give my child dinner if I’m delayed getting there and on one spectacularly gridlocked day I rocked up to find him fed, puddinged and on the sofa with adultish sons of childminder watching Blue Planet.

That’s also not “normal in the world of work”.

I have several friends who are/ were childminders. When my children were little we would meet up at their homes or parks and cafes etc. Me with my children and them with their mindee's. When my children were at school, I would still meet up with them and their mindee's but without my kids for lunch or a cuppa only occasionally. I would interact with the children, always in presence of my friends never anything other than talking about what the child had been doing or expressing polite interest in the doll/ picture/ food they were showing me!😁 Once or twice I was at the friends home when the parents came to pick up - I would be introduced or make small talk. I hope I was never the cause of parental concern! Yes the childminders are working but part of the point is that your child is cared for in a home environment. If you want the fully DBs checked more regulated environment of a nursery then send your child to a nursery/ pre school.

I think it’s a good thing certain people have vowed never to use a CMer. CMers don’t need that kind of stress.