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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Just discovered hubby swapped his gift....

162 replies

Solero · 16/05/2018 12:03

Long story short. Purchased OH a really lovely smart watch for Xmas. Not exactly the one he wanted but had all the features he'd requested and I could just about afford the payments on it. However sorting out some stuff today and I have discovered he has got rid of the one I bought and replaced it for the more expensive. Aside from the fact that most money is tight for us at the moment and I am still paying for the watch, I feel hurt that he has done that especially without talking to me first. I also feel a bit of an idiot that I haven't noticed before. Am I U or is he?

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 16/05/2018 12:09

How much more expensive was the one he has replaced your with?

Oysterbabe · 16/05/2018 12:11

He should have at least spoken to you about it. I think if he'd said what one he specifically wanted you shouldn't have bought a different one.

rjay123 · 16/05/2018 12:13

YABU. You didn’t get the one he wanted.

Noqonterfy · 16/05/2018 12:15

Did he take it back to the shop or just sell it?

Storm4star · 16/05/2018 12:15

I think he should have talked to you first, but probably didn’t thinking you would (quite rightly) say that you as a couple couldn’t afford the higher priced watch. The fact you're having to make payments on the one you bought, suggests to me it was already pretty expensive. Anyway, money aside, it’s rude not to at least talk to you about it first.

Jinglebells99 · 16/05/2018 12:15

Was the the one he wanted an Apple Watch? What did he do with the one you got him? I would be pissed of if I was still paying for something and it had been sold on. But could understand wanting an Apple Watch rather than a cheaper alternative. Not that I have an Apple Watch!

IsDaveThere · 16/05/2018 12:15

I agree with a PP, if there was a specific item that I wanted then I wouldn't be too impressed if my OH bought me something with the same features but was not the one I wanted. Saying that., he should have spoken to you before exchanging it.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 16/05/2018 12:17

What do you mean by got rid?

OakIsBetterTho · 16/05/2018 12:17

He was rude to not speak to you first and let you know what was what but honestly if I wanted a particular item and someone bought me one like it but not the right one, I would be disappointed and would swap it if feasible. It sounds ungrateful, but there we are.

CaliforniaDream · 16/05/2018 12:20

He should have spoken to you first but also you shouldn't have got him a different model to the one he wanted. If you couldn't afford the one he wanted you should have spoken to him about whether he would rather have the cheaper one or pay himself for some of the more expensive one.

SendintheArdwolves · 16/05/2018 12:23

Generally, I think it's fine to swap presents - I would rather someone had the thing they actually want than hung onto something that wasn't their taste to be polite.

I also think it's a bit weird to go into debt for a gift, espec to a partner - if I knew my boyfriend couldn't afford a gift and had to make payments on it, I would feel uncomfortable about accepting it, and probably ask him very strongly to return it.

How has he got "rid of the watch and replaced it"? If he sold it and you are still making payments I would be hacked off at the waste of money - you will end up paying loads more money than he got for the watch, and he would have done better to ask you to return it and get as much of a refund as possible.

pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 12:28

Bad on two counts

  • Really tactless of him to swap it without telling you gently
  • Awful of him to prioritise a stupid fucking watch when money is tight.
MarcellaBackland · 16/05/2018 12:32

It’s definitey weird that he didn’t speak to you before doing it, but what really stood out to me is that you are making payments on a watch??? A fancy watch is a luxury item, completely unnecessary. You should NEVER use credit to buy something like that (or at all if you can help it.) It’s a total trap. You have so many higher priorities than giving your OH a high end watch. I think you both need to get your financial priorities in order. You don’t mention if you have children but if you do or hope to one day, you really need to be responsible with your money.

snewname · 16/05/2018 12:34

TBH you shouldn't have bought an alternative without okaying it with him first. I would be disappointed that you'd wasted money on something I wouldn't want and hadn't asked for and would see it as a total waste of money, however he should have done the mature thing and spoken about it with you to decide whether you could afford the upgrade or whether it was best to get a refund - if it was allowed.

TSSDNCOP · 16/05/2018 12:38

Why didn’t you buy the one he’d asked for?

To me, if somebody me bought an excellent endive gift I hadn’t asked for I’d see that as a colossal waste of money. I would also hate having to wear it because it’s an expensive gift I’m now stuck with, but didn’t want.

What would you have said if he had told you he wanted to exchange it? That might explain why he didn’t tell you.

diddl · 16/05/2018 12:39

If money is tight & you could "just about" afford a cheaper one that he didn't want-why was he even getting one at all?

mostdays · 16/05/2018 12:40

Uh, as OP has said money is tight and the one her DH wanted was more expensive, it's fairly bloody obvious why she got him one she could afford- and she made sure it had all the features he'd said he wanted. Is he a bit of a label whore, OP?

TSSDNCOP · 16/05/2018 12:40

My autocorrect went on safari there.

If someone bought me an expensive gift I hadn’t asked for...

TSSDNCOP · 16/05/2018 12:42

She couldn’t afford it. It was on hock.

So an unwanted gift in hock.

upsideup · 16/05/2018 12:43

I think its a greater waste of money to buy a really expensive gift for someone that you know they dont want than spending a bit more money on something you know they really want so YABU to have bought the first watch, you should have discussed than with him.
I'm guessing that it is like a part exchange so you are paying up to the price of the original watch for this one and then he is paying the excess? Which seems absolutely fine, if all the money you have paid and still are paying is basically going in the bin and he is paying the full value of the new watch then YANBU.

cheeseandchoc · 16/05/2018 12:47

I would be upset. You bought him one that you could afford ( or at least afford the repayments on). For him to upgrade without talking to you is selfish.

elephantscanring · 16/05/2018 12:47

My God. Making payments on a watch?? When you could buy one for a fiver, or use your phone to find out the time? That's bonkers if money is tight.

If I'd asked for something specific and h bought me something different, I probably wouldn't be pleased, especially if I had done research into buying it and knew what I wanted.

However, your h should have been up front with you about it. What ahs he done with your watch?? Are you now paying for two watches?

Mrsmadevans · 16/05/2018 12:49

Wow, that is selfish and ungrateful OP yadnbu.

Dogsmom · 16/05/2018 12:54

I can see why you're upset but he clearly didn't want to hurt your feelings which isn't a bad thing.

In hindsight you should've said you can't afford the more expensive watch but would like to give him money towards it.

GloriousGoosebumps · 16/05/2018 12:58

I'm afraid that while your heart was in the right place, dh was never going to be happy with the watch if he had been dreaming of another watch. I can't decide whether he was unreasonable or not to return / sell your present given that if it wasn't the watch he wanted then it was likely to end up at the back of the wardrobe and what would be the point of that? What would you view have been if dh had kept the watch but later brought the watch he really wanted? Given that you couldn't afford the watch he really wanted, why didn't you buy something else on his wish list?