AIBU? Just discovered hubby swapped his gift....

[Solero]

Long story short. Purchased OH a really lovely smart watch for Xmas. Not exactly the one he wanted but had all the features he'd requested and I could just about afford the payments on it. However sorting out some stuff today and I have discovered he has got rid of the one I bought and replaced it for the more expensive. Aside from the fact that most money is tight for us at the moment and I am still paying for the watch, I feel hurt that he has done that especially without talking to me first. I also feel a bit of an idiot that I haven't noticed before. Am I U or is he?

He sold the watch I bought and a Garmin watch he had been given but didn't like plus used cash from our joint account he had to buy the new one and meanwhile I/we are still paying for the original one.

That is much much worse than just swapping it. Much. I'd be livid at his irresponsible behaviour.

Think when you were a teenager and your mum wouldn’t spring for Adidas 3 stripes joggers and got you a Tesco knock off with 2 stripes.

Everyone at my school wore Rockport boots and I was dying for a pair (don't ask... it was 2002 ) and my mum bought me a pair of "Rockford" boots from some naff catalogue and made me wear them. They squeaked too, to add insult to injury. Everything I owned as a teenager was a slightly crappier version of what everyone else had and I would much rather my mum had just given me cash towards things so I could save the rest and bought what I wanted. Instead she would charge ahead and buy the wrong thing, then tell me I was unreasonable and ungrateful.

Did he sell it for sticker price or less?

He sold the watch

How much money did he lose?

Did he actually agree with buying the cheaper one in the first place or did you decide that for him? If he actually agreed then I'd be fuming.
He shouldn't have got the new one regardless, but may be he felt railroaded into it?

I can see why money is tight! Jesus, this beggars belief!

@speakout We sound about 14? Where did that come from? How is that helpful? I am simply trying to garner whether I am justified in feeling a little upset, not for snide obnoxious commentary. Thank you for your very constructive input.

YABU for not just telling him to save for the watch he wanted and putting the money towards it.

Can't believe so many adults are all, 'WWaaaa! I didn't get what I wanted! So I'm going to throw my teddy out and get what I wanted because dammit, I'm entitled to get what I want!'

How is he paying the difference?

You were very unreasonable to get into debt for a gift. He is very unreasonable for extending that debt for his luxury time.

I'd be fuming

After selling the watch and the Garmin he still needed to put '£50 or so' towards new one. He says he can't remember how much more it cost.
Again not so much the swap I am upset by as the manner in which he went about it.

Selling your watch was probably inefficient, he should have asked to return/exchange it. He was VU to take the money to upgrade from the joint account. I’d be upset.

DH has returned plenty of my presents to him. I didn’t mind because he was upfront about it, usually clothing he didn’t like/fit. He sold one gadget I bought because it wasn’t being used but was depreciating. He asked me first.

He says he can't remember how much more it cost.

Of course he can, he just doesn't want to tell you.

I agree with speak out. I was thinking "jeez are you 15" - I didn't get the exact version I wanted boo hoo. This sounds like so much drama. If people insist on making lists, them buy on the list or not at all. If u .ca.t afford what's on the list then both sides need to re-evaluate what's important.

He says he can't remember how much more it cost. - Of course he can, he just doesn't want to tell you.

This

What a waste of the money that you didn't have in the first place.

After selling the watch and the Garmin he still needed to put '£50 or so' towards new one. He says he can't remember how much more it cost.

I'm betting at least £100.

Did he get full price for the watch?

Let me get this right... You bought a watch for him when you didn’t have the money and got into debt. It wasn’t even the watch he had said he wanted. Then he got rid of it in favour the one he did want, it was double the price and he rinsed your joint account to do it, without even mentioning it to you.

Absolutely astounded, you both sound like you have no sense of financial responsibility. My initial thought was that you should be angry about spending the extra money from the joint account, not the fact he didn’t like your present. But given your irresponsible spending and getting into debt in the first place it doesn’t sound like you’re any better.

Maybe learn from this mess and see it as an opportunity to be better with money going forward?

@mrsterrypratchet I don't know the details of what he got for the watch.
He had worn it for a few weeks so sending it back probably wouldn't have been an option.
Look I get the getting into debt over a gift thing was daft but I genuinely thought I was doing a nice thing. It was the only gift he got and I thought it would be an acceptable alternative. Lesson learned. He can but his own gifts going forward.

I so cannot get my head around the idea that you go into debt - both of you, effectively it's joint isn't it? - for a stupid fucking watch, a needless, pointless luxury item

This ^
If you've loads of money to spare each mnth, spend your money on what you want, but going into debt for a watch is just ludicrous.

OTOH, if someone wants something specific, then a 'copy' just doesn't cut the mustard. I don't know why you didn't give him £X (whatever you normally spend / could afford without going into debt) towards his savings pot, so he could get the watch he actually wanted when he'd got enough money for it. If he's sold it 2nd hand he will have lost £££s on the 'new' price.

Sorry I also think YA both BU. It's an item he has to wear and like. It's not the one he wanted.

He should have discussed it with you.

I wouldn't be too impressed with this. I wonder if he hasn't mentioned it to spare your feelings, however, it comes across as selfish and sneaky. The correct response to a present is, 'thank you' even if it isn't quite what you wanted. It's especially bad as it's beyond your budget.

As bad as this sounds giving him some money towards said branded watch would have been just as concerning as he has form for impulse buying what he wants even if we have discussed saving up first.

'He says he can't remember how much more it cost. '

Bullshit! Haahaahaa. Well, he's happy now, he got what he wanted. I'd stop exchanging gifts, tbh.

'As bad as this sounds giving him some money towards said branded watch would have been just as concerning as he has form for impulse buying what he wants even if we have discussed saving up first.'

Yeah, that sounds bad because it is. It's selfish, wanky, entitled, childish behaviour.

I know I defended him upthread but he has acted like a spoiled brat and spent money hand over fist to get this watch that should really be a luxury purchase when a person has the money spare.

And I say that as someone who wanted an Apple Watch for a long time. I finally got one last year in New York and only because:

• The exchange rate went in my favour. While it was (for example) £300 here, it was $300 there.

• Best Buy had a sale on and there was an additional $70 off.

• I waited until the last day of our holiday to make sure I had enough spending money left over.

Selling things and taking stuff on credit and making up the difference out of shared money is just beyond selfish.

Does this man child work for NASA or is an Olympian athelete that he needs all these features?

I am guessing not.

It's basically a toy for a big kid.

If he can learn to earn then he can buy his own toys, not have his partner get into hock for them.