AIBU? Just discovered hubby swapped his gift....

[Solero]

Long story short. Purchased OH a really lovely smart watch for Xmas. Not exactly the one he wanted but had all the features he'd requested and I could just about afford the payments on it. However sorting out some stuff today and I have discovered he has got rid of the one I bought and replaced it for the more expensive. Aside from the fact that most money is tight for us at the moment and I am still paying for the watch, I feel hurt that he has done that especially without talking to me first. I also feel a bit of an idiot that I haven't noticed before. Am I U or is he?

F*ck me - who even wears watches these days? Mobile phones have the time on them, and many other functions. I think the last time I wore a watch was when I was a teenager. About 25 years ago.

Regarding your relationship dynamic, he sounds like he is not making an effort at all and does not appreciate anything. I would recommend joint marriage therapy tbh. Because the problems will only become more entrenched the longer you leave it and finances is one of the biggest contributors to separation/divorce. You both really need to change your financial dynamic or else you will go under, financially and relationship-wise.

yeh he can be an asshole. I am safe, he isn't a violent man but the stress and emotional fall out that can happen if he feels aggreived has brought us to the brink of splitting up a couple of times. It's something we have been working on within our relationship

Sounds like you may have been working on it. He hasn't. He doesn't sound great - doesn't communicate with you, doesn't ask before spending joint money on something for him, happy to let you keep paying for a watch he's sold (he should have paid you back), then you drip-feed about your relationship.

Why are you with an asshole? There are nice men out there. You can also avoid the stress and hurt by being a happy single person.

Him being an asshole isn't something you should be working on together within your relationship. It's his problem.

Life is too short op.

Op got the watch which she can pay off without it impacting on family finances..
They both discussed the other watch then Mr "i want so i must have" sold the original and another watch for less than their value and then had to add money out the family pot to get his 'big name watch'.
He didnt just swap it, his new one cost twice as much!
All this despite him knowing finances are tight at the moment. And now he is lying about it. What a great guy!

Why is op getting such a hard time over something ridiculous her oh did? She spent ages researching a better watch for less money but its still not good enough?

^^ this.

Op, I think you have been given a hard time.
There are lots of expensive brand name things that I would like. But we can't afford them, so we buy things that do the same job without the brand. If he didn't want the alternative that they discussed he should have said, no, it is the real thing or nothing, so I'll save/use some of my savings/wait etc
The 'I must have it now' attitude is really like a spoilt child.

It's not a better watch. He wanted a specific watch, everyone would be disappointed to get something they didn't want. It was a waste of money. It's hardly a big name watch for that money .

Well he should have said so when they discussed being able to afford the cheaper watch.
If you dont think £400 is much to pay for a watch thats your xhoixe. Op and her oh cannot afford to spend that on some ridiculous watch (that has less functions than the cheaper one)

I thought the way in which you were posting we were talking about a Rolex or something similar not a £200 watch.

If someone wants something specific then I would never buy them a ‘cheaper’ version so I can see why your DH swapped the watch.

Wow so many harsh responses, you’d think everyone was perfect here.

OP don’t take any notice, you sound lovely and was just trying to do something nice for your husband. Being a bit daft financially (sorry) doesn’t warrant all of these rude responses.

Your husband sounds quite difficult and I can imagine you back down and do a lot for him just for a quiet life at times.

Ivgot
Fid you miss the bit where they had already discussed getting the cheaper watch then he went behind ops back and put money out the family funds that they didnt have to spare toward the one that cost twice the price?

Thank you all for your responses, I have to admit I didn't expect the level of vitriol I received from some. I guess we can all be more 'direct' in our approach when we don't have to look the other person in the eye. Also @elephantscanring I didn't intend to drip feed about the relationship. I was asked a question I answered it honestly. I didn't include it in OP as the question was whether I was right to feel aggreived he had swapped a gift and the manner in which he had done it or whether I was over reacting.
Thank you to those offering supportive posts, it was nice to know at least some people agreed that I wasn't be overly sensitive in feeling a little upset.
To everyone else thank you for taking time to read and opine 😊

Hi Solero
I hope you weren’t Including me in the group of ‘vitriolic’ posters - I certainly didn’t mean to be. I was agreeing with you that your h was being U!

The drip feed was frustrating in that people can give advice better if they know the background of a relationship and whether it’s generally happy, or whether it’s unhappy and turbulent.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Fucking hell, the degree of snobbery on this thread is ridiculous. "Oh, I thought we must be talking about a Rolex". Do fuck off. If you don't realise that £200 is a hell of a lot of money to a LOT of couples in this country, then you live a crazily sheltered and privileged life.