Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Just discovered hubby swapped his gift....

162 replies

Solero · 16/05/2018 12:03

Long story short. Purchased OH a really lovely smart watch for Xmas. Not exactly the one he wanted but had all the features he'd requested and I could just about afford the payments on it. However sorting out some stuff today and I have discovered he has got rid of the one I bought and replaced it for the more expensive. Aside from the fact that most money is tight for us at the moment and I am still paying for the watch, I feel hurt that he has done that especially without talking to me first. I also feel a bit of an idiot that I haven't noticed before. Am I U or is he?

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 16/05/2018 16:42

TBF OP he has actually cost you more money than the watch value and that's a bit irresponsible when you are in a marriage. That's what I'd be annoyed about as well.

Original poster
Solero · 16/05/2018 16:45

Sad thing is @pigmcpigface we have been together nearly 9 years. So can't use the new relationship reasoning unfortunately

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 16/05/2018 16:46

I’d have been a bit annoyed that he did it without discussing, definitely.

ShotsFired · 16/05/2018 16:56

@Solero, the question is really what will you do about it now you have the consensus that you are NBU, esp given some of the extra cost has come from your joint finances etc

I'd be tempted to sell the stupid bloody watch and recoup what I could to be even stevens again. But that would have repercussions only you can judge the hassle of.

It's not a nice situation to be in, sorry.

Original poster
Solero · 16/05/2018 17:02

@shotsfired however much I would like to do exactly that the consequences of that course of action would be worse

OP posts:
pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 17:02

"Sad thing is @pigmcpigface we have been together nearly 9 years. So can't use the new relationship reasoning unfortunately"

So why are you feeling obliged to buy him something you can't afford? Why wouldn't a smaller present have done just as well? What's the pressure towards this? Help me understand!

And what did he get you in return?

expatinscotland · 16/05/2018 17:25

'So why are you feeling obliged to buy him something you can't afford? Why wouldn't a smaller present have done just as well? What's the pressure towards this? Help me understand!'

She's explained he has form for impulse buying stuff he wants even if money is tight.

Willow2017 · 16/05/2018 18:08

However much I would like to do exactly that the consequences of that course of action would be worse.

That is a worrying statement tbh.
Does he tend to demand he gets his way a lot?
What does he do if he cant get his own way?

Original poster
Solero · 16/05/2018 18:55

@willow2017 He is quite hard work sometimes. We have very different outlooks on life and priorities. I am highly non confrontational and he thrives on confrontation. It is often easier to give way than deal with either the moodiness, sulks or silent treatment when he feels like things haven't gone his way.

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 16/05/2018 19:15

Golly, its a good job that you didn't get it engraved!!!! (maybe next time ;-) ) Wink

Willow2017 · 16/05/2018 19:17

It is often easier to give way than deal with either the moodiness, sulks or silent treatment when he feels like things haven't gone his way.

This is all kinds of wrong. You should be dealing with this from another adult! Time he grew up or you told him to shape up or ship out. 9 years pussyfooting around a manchild, no chance! You deserve better.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 16/05/2018 19:32

I don’t really get the wide eyed bewilderment at the idea someone has brought something on credit- PP sound really naive and childish going on about it. It’s hardly a big deal. And the posters not even understanding how you can sell something purchased on credit- wtf? How can you not understand that?

OP I would also be upset, but I do agree that if you really want something, getting a cheaper alternative is a bit pants. YANBU but personally I would have another conversation with him making your hurt clear then try and forget about it. It’s just one of those things.

OrchidInTheSun · 16/05/2018 19:55

I'm not naive or childish Sprinkles. I live (as much as possible) within my means. I totally understand buying necessities on credit - white goods, cars etc but I do think it's bloody weird to buy your partner a present that you can't afford. And watches that cost £££s are a nice luxury but not when you're watching the pennies. It's how people get into serious debt. It's a really bad habit to get into.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 16/05/2018 19:57

It’s not weird though is it? It’s just not something you want to do. If OP can afford the repayments it’s no one else’s business

MyLearnedFriend · 16/05/2018 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrchidInTheSun · 16/05/2018 20:11

"Aside from the fact that most money is tight for us at the moment and I am still paying for the watch"

It's a stretch to buy a bog standard xmas present - not a special birthday or anything. And now the OP and her husband are going to be paying it off for much longer because he's swapped it for another watch that cost about £500 when she couldn't even afford £200 outright. So they'll still be paying this off when the saving for the next bauble he's got him eye on will start.

It's a precarious way of living. I know, I've been there.

expatinscotland · 16/05/2018 20:59

He's spoilt, selfish and entitled.

Frannibananni · 16/05/2018 21:58

I hate receiving gifts that aren't what I really wanted. I've never returned anything but I sometimes wish I could.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/05/2018 22:13

Had you discussed getting a "lesser" watch? Was he okay with that?

I have an Apple Watch. I love it. I use it for everything - and whilst a lot of the features can be replicated by other cheaper watches, I love my Apple Watch. I wouldn't want anyone to buy me a cheaper watch - I'd feel that they'd wasted their money.

It's the same for things like laptops and cameras - or any tech. You decide the specification that you want.

It was a lovely idea of yours, but I can somewhat see why he switched it. He should have gone about it differently but perhaps he didn't think you'd notice and wanted to avoid potentially upsetting you... he did try the watch for six months first. Or maybe he's an arsehole. You'll probably have to call this one as you know him best.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/05/2018 22:15

Thread didn't fully load again Blush

However much I would like to do exactly that the consequences of that course of action would be worse.

That's concerning. Are you safe?

I'd take this to mean that he's an arsehole... do you want to be with him?

ConciseandNice · 16/05/2018 22:20

My husband bought me a cheaper alternative watch once. I’m a runner and wanted a specific watch because of its battery life (for ultras) so a cheaper one wouldn’t do. He knew this. He still did it. I was annoyed. Why buy me something you know I don’t want? I am guessing he felt the same, but...he should’ve told you.

SandyY2K · 16/05/2018 23:17

I don't think he did such a bad thing. He asked for a specific watch...he didn't get it and has upgraded paying the difference to get what he wants.

As far as buying on credit. It doesnt exactly mean you can't afford it...just that you can't afford it in one lump sum and buying on credit (like mail order catalogues) makes it easier to spread the payments.

If my DH asked for a specific brand of something...I.wouldn't but anything else. He's very technical and does a lot of research before he buys anything, so I'd know it has to be that item. If I can't afford it, then I would give him a cash amount/Amazon gift card so he can add to it and buy exactly what he wants himself.

Once you give a gift, the item belongs to the receiver.

Original poster
Solero · 16/05/2018 23:20

Apologies for sounding melodramatic in that response but yeh he can be an asshole. I am safe, he isn't a violent man but the stress and emotional fall out that can happen if he feels aggreived has brought us to the brink of splitting up a couple of times. It's something we have been working on within our relationship

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/05/2018 23:26

'It's something we have been working on within our relationship'

But he's not working on it. Instead he goes behind your back.

Willow2017 · 16/05/2018 23:30

It's something we have been working on within our relationship

You might be but he isnt.
Going behind your back to spend twice as much on something just cos he wants it is not trying to do anything but please himself.

he didn't get it and has upgraded paying the difference to get what he wants
Except they cant afford to pay twice as much for something and he discussed the cheaper watch with OP. Now they are paying for a watch they dont have and he is paying £xx on top of that for the one he decided he must have.

Swipe left for the next trending thread