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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has it already started so early?

176 replies

Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 15:52

So my 10year old dd was told this morning by a 13 year old boy at the park to "shut up bitch" because she dared to say she was better than him at some sports. She is very sporty and self confident..
I was thinking of a good come back phrase when this came from her mouth directly to the boy: you shut up please, you are just trying to undermine me but it doesn't work!
OMG 😲
I was so happy 😁 initially but then I thought I should teach her to be humble? The boy was rude though...and afterwards she was upset... so I feel justified to think she did the right thing.

Why do I always feel that as a girl she shouldn't show such attitude? I am so torn here. Tell me that I am wrong....

OP posts:
Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 15:54

The attitude was the fact that she's telling older boys she's better than them while having random conversations at the park. They were doing this sport at the park but they don't know each other. The boy was there with a friend same age. No parents.

OP posts:
sacreVert · 16/04/2018 15:54

It doesn't sound like she was being especially kind. Nor was he.

What's started?

"you are just trying to undermine me but it doesn't work! "

But she was doing that to him.

KirstenRaymonde · 16/04/2018 15:54

Your DD is awesome

DairyisClosed · 16/04/2018 15:55

I don't understand what you are asking-doyou think she should have just shut up then? Where does being humble come into it?

Louiselouie0890 · 16/04/2018 15:57

So they were playing a sport and your DD says she's better at it than them?

Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 15:59

They were playing football at the park. These boys seemed to know our neighbors son who was there too so dad joined in. This boy said to her you are not good at football. I would have walked away but she decided to say she was better than him.

I don't want her to get into trouble so young so I feel she should shy away from confrontations with older boys. The boy thought he could shut her up by calling her bitch which I find so disheartening

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 16/04/2018 16:00

I hate the word bitch, it’s so loaded, but then her comparison and put down wasn’t great.
Her come back was good, but if she was mine I might be teaching her( and I’d say this to sons too) that telling people she is better than them can be a wind up.

Lethaldrizzle · 16/04/2018 16:01

Sacre so it's ok for him to respond with abusive language!

idobelieveinfairies86 · 16/04/2018 16:01

it's disgraceful that the boy said that and your dd has every right to respond however, does she really need to be pointing out others shortcomings? Saying "oh I'm really good at sports" is fine and should be encouraged but "I'm better at sport than you" is not nice.

As I heard on a tv show recently "it's perfectly fine to be smarter than everyone else, but it's not ok to tell everyone"

Really I think it was 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other but the boy could of handled it much better and said something similar to what your dd said.
x

keepingbees · 16/04/2018 16:05

As someone who was never confident, I say good on her for standing up for herself. However maybe a chat about knowing when to stop and not to goad people would be helpful, just so she doesn't talk herself into a situation she can't handle on another occasion!

lanbury · 16/04/2018 16:05

She sounds like she's going to go far! Grin having said that, from what you've said, it does sound like she may have been trying to belittle the boy/put him down on front of friends? Not great to openly declare herself "better". She clearly knows how to handle herself, for which you should be proud, but maybe channelled in a slightly more empathetic way next time!!

sacreVert · 16/04/2018 16:08

Lethaldrizzle

Yes. I mean the sentiment, not the fact that a 13 year old was swearing. Give over with the "abusive" nonsense.

I don't have a problem with 'bitch' either as most gendered swearing is about male genitalia.

I have a feeling that the DD would be equally "amazing" if some boys had come over and told her that they were better at a sport than she was and she'd said "fuck off, dick / wanker / cock / prick".

Both children sound like they need a telling off or explanation of social niceties which is why I'm so confused about him being abusive and her being praised.

Louiselouie0890 · 16/04/2018 16:08

She was just responding and standing up for herself.

If she just said it for no reason then yeah I'd be a bit Hmm but no she's was just standing up for herself and dealt with it perfectly.

Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 16:09

Well, writing it down now I think that what happened was that she was the only girl joining and the boy assumed that being a girl she wouldn't be good at football and told her so. She is very good at football though and is not used to people telling her otherwise. I do think that she needs to learn to read situations better and not put herself in danger unnecessarily

OP posts:
sacreVert · 16/04/2018 16:10

"not put herself in danger unnecessarily"

Fuck, you're trying hard aren't you.

Highhorse1981 · 16/04/2018 16:15

I don’t think thread is going quite how you envisioned OP. I susievtyou expected a chorus of “good on your daughter OP”.

The boy was awful. No doubt about that.

But nothing wrong with telling your child (either sex) that boasting about being better than someone is not something to be encouraged and celebrated.

She responded well. But I think she needs to learn a) boasting isn’t great b) know your audience. And a boy three years older than you is probably going to be rude back to a 10 year old

BuggerBugger · 16/04/2018 16:19

Is this a story line from the Beano?

BikeRunSki · 16/04/2018 16:22

It’s your son’s attitude you should be questioning, not your daughter’s.

Good for her for not taking his misogynistic bullying.

Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 16:23

If you read the title of my thread I am just shocked that it starts so early. 10 year old versus 13 year old....

Of course i think my dd is awesome but I guess all parents think their kids are. We don't need mumnetters to tell us..

My DD is still a little girl in my eyes and I am really disheartened that she can be exposed to such comments already ...

OP posts:
sacreVert · 16/04/2018 16:26

You haven't said what "it" is.

You're just goading and waiting for people who can't really read or follow posts to say things like "misogynistic bullying".

Lethaldrizzle · 16/04/2018 16:30

Calling a 10 year old girl a bitch is abusive. I can only sympathise and agree op

HappyHedgehog247 · 16/04/2018 16:35

I'd be upset if someone called my 10 year old DD a bitch and put down her skills uninvited. I always clam up in reality though so given she was on the spot and hopefully is not yet used to this happening I think she did well.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/04/2018 16:39

I don't see how this little exchange makes the girl sound "awesome". Some people are far too easily awed...
Op, your dd was mouthing off to an older (unknown) boy that she was better than he was. While he didn't sound particularly pleasant about it, he told her how little he appreciated it.
Maybe you should explain to her why bragging and showboating like this isn't a good idea? Preferably before she encounters someone even less pleasant and gets a smack in the mouth.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/04/2018 16:42

I think the 'please' in her comeback diluted the effect but yes, as Idobelieveinfairies said, saying that you're good at sports is fine - the 'I'm better than you are them' comment is just inflammatory.

She doesn't need to be humble but there's no need to brag either. Same for either sex.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/04/2018 16:42

*at them