Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has it already started so early?

176 replies

Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 15:52

So my 10year old dd was told this morning by a 13 year old boy at the park to "shut up bitch" because she dared to say she was better than him at some sports. She is very sporty and self confident..
I was thinking of a good come back phrase when this came from her mouth directly to the boy: you shut up please, you are just trying to undermine me but it doesn't work!
OMG 😲
I was so happy 😁 initially but then I thought I should teach her to be humble? The boy was rude though...and afterwards she was upset... so I feel justified to think she did the right thing.

Why do I always feel that as a girl she shouldn't show such attitude? I am so torn here. Tell me that I am wrong....

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/04/2018 11:40

Very nice, but hardly relevant, Struggling?

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/04/2018 11:43

The OP says:
Many kids joined in. All boys though... my neighbors son was with us and knew them so him and DD joined too.

If it had just been the two 13 year olds playing and she tried to join in, she would have been unreasonable. However, as lots of other boys joined in then I think she was quite reasonable to assume that she could too.

OP didn't mention, I don't think, the other boys' ages but says that her DD is as big as some of them. So the injury thing doesn't wash with me.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/04/2018 11:45

And BetteDavisEyes appears to have interpreted my post to mean I think the dd deserves a smack in the mouth... Hmm
That is not what I said; I said squaring up to a random group of unknown boys who are three years older and have been very clear that you're not wanted is not a particularly good idea.
Yet some posters keep squawking on about girl power

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 11:48

No one said it was OK to call her a bitch but many people also think she isn't entitled to demand to join in with someone else's game and to start arguing about it.

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 11:49

I've not seen many 10 year old girls at 6'2".

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/04/2018 11:52

Tell her to say calmly “if you have to resort to mysoginistic language then you have no argument at all” and follow it with a withering look before getting back on with her game and ignoring any further retaliation from him.

Genderwitched · 17/04/2018 11:56

many people also think she isn't entitled to demand to join in with someone else's game and to start arguing about it

But that's not the point of the thread really is it, no one was there so it is difficult to judge, and maybe she should have stayed away from older boys games, who knows.

The point is the OP's shock at boys using such aggressive and misogynistic language towards girls at such a young age, and I agree, it is shocking, and worrying.

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 11:56

Or maybe tell her to take a hint if she isn't welcome in someone else's social gathering. It is a useful lesson.

NiceViper · 17/04/2018 11:58

She was entitled to ask, but when told 'no' it was wrong of her to taunt

She wasn't sworn at for asking, but for taunting.

SecretIsland · 17/04/2018 12:14

At 13, if a random 10 year old boy had tried to join a group of me and my friends, he'd have been told to go away.

We might well have tolerated a 10/11 year old girl for a period as we could have used it as semi-bragging opportunity to show off how mature we were...but I would have had zero interest in a ten year old boy.

I'd imagine 13 year old boys generally feel the same about 10 year old girls.

But I agree with a pp, the op only wanted to hear about how brave and ballsy and awesome her dd is, she doesn't want to hear reason.

clumsyduck · 17/04/2018 12:19

I don't know if I'm reading this wrong which would obviously put a different spin on things ( still dislike the term bitch )

But I'm reading it as she was told no she can't join in because she's rubbish at football to which I honestly can't blame her for responding that she was better than the boy. I mean let's not dress up the fact that it's just plain old sexist bullshit - girls can't possibly be good at football . I had this myself as a child

If it had been - sorry you can't play we have enough players on each side for example then of course ops dd would be rude to then insult the lad

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/04/2018 12:19

Very nice, but hardly relevant,Struggling?

Sorry but what do you mean? What's not relevant?

Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 17/04/2018 12:20

Some people are on purpose ignoring parts of the thread:
Dd felt safe to ask to join because I was there.
Many age groups joined - even two boys aged 8 from dd school were there
It was an informal kick around
My dd friends was the owner of the ball and he is 10 too
The 13 year old in question is not very tall for his age
My dd thought he was a new acquaintance as he knew her friend + had accepted ice cream from me
He was really nice and chatting to her until she tried to join in the football game
He said you can't you are rubbish but she had never played with him or his friends
She wasn't forcing herself on a group, it's a village and 10 minutes earlier they had all been playing on the slides together

OP posts:
SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/04/2018 12:25

Yet some posters keep squawking on about girl power

Who?

Squawking? Hmm

clumsyduck · 17/04/2018 12:26

Yep that's what I thought op so people can go on and on all they like he was rude to her if we are being honest because she was a girl daring to want to play football . She was rude back , well good on her as far as I can see !

Lovesagin · 17/04/2018 12:29

Im really not seeing a real problem here. Its just kids being giant pricks, as they can be.

She'll perhaps learn from this that you catch more flies with honey, and that others don't HAVE to play with her if they don't want too. and he'll hopefully reflect on his use of the word bitch to a 10 yo girl and maybe be a bit nicer next time.

I've tried really hard but as I say I can't see an issue here really.

clumsyduck · 17/04/2018 12:31

Well I suppose the issue is none of the other kids of varying ages and friendship levels were left out - because they were boys .

Still I suppose ops dd will get used to it . Boys will be boys eh Confused

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/04/2018 12:34

I've tried really hard but as I say I can't see an issue here really

See, teaching a girl this, rather than to say 'I'm good at this/I'm better at this' is an issue for me:

She'll perhaps learn from this that you catch more flies with honey

This thread is rife with people falling over themselves to explain why it's okay for a 13 year old boy to tell a 10 year old girl that she's a bitch.

It basically amounts to 'she asked for it' and 'it wasn't really his fault - he was pushed into doing it.'

But hey, it's not like that attitude is a problem as these kids become adults, is it?

Oh hang on.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/04/2018 12:36

Maybe you should explain to her why bragging and showboating like this isn't a good idea? Preferably before she encounters someone even less pleasant and gets a smack in the mouth

I think your comment speaks for itself, greyhound.

Shut up about yourself or if you get smacked, it's your fault.

clumsyduck · 17/04/2018 12:37

shegot totally agree . It's actually painful to read to be honest I can't work out whether people (predominately women at that !) really can't understand the sexism at play here or they just don't want to ?

Highhorse1981 · 17/04/2018 12:37

ell I suppose the issue is none of the other kids of varying ages and friendship levels were left out - because they were boys .

Oh come on! My daughter had two friends over last night. I heard them telling my son they didn’t want him to come in the room and play with them “because you’re a stinky boy”.

Very normal around this age.

Lovesagin · 17/04/2018 12:39

Yes, and it's shit and it shouldn't happen, but it does. I'm trying to raise my two to have a mixed bag of friends (ds2's little bestie is a girl and ds1 prefers to play online with about 3 of his girl mates than his other friends because he says the girls are more challenging haha) but even they may change if they become friends with other boys who are of the "girls are rubbish" ilk to follow the crowd,as some kids sadly feel they need to do to fit in. Al we can do is try and guide them away from that.

I hate the "boys will be boys" bullshit, my friend uses it to indulge her ds and I have to bite my tongue.

clumsyduck · 17/04/2018 12:39

What age is that though ?

This is a 13 year old not a younger boy . calling a girl a bitch . And not letting her play football because of the automatic assumption she will be rubbish .

drspouse · 17/04/2018 12:41

you catch more flies with honey
Please can I have permission to slap anyone that says that?
It's code for "keep down you girl there, you don't know your place".

Inthedeepdarkwinter · 17/04/2018 12:43

I don't think it's fine at all to be called 'bitch'.

The OP's post asks what should a 10 year old girl do in this situation, give him a mouthful or be more humble/walk away.

Parks/playing football brings the worst out in some children, mine have been called a few choice names for 'daring' to play on some equipment older ones were on, they also have to deal with these type of encounters on the way home from school and so on.

There's nothing ok about being called 'bitch' but getting into verbal encounters with older children- I've had words with one of mine about when to push forward (when you have back-up/in a strong place) and don't take any shit, and when to perhaps choose to fight another day, walk on by, let it go and make a mental note to keep out of someone's way. Or when to tell a teacher and seek adult help.

It's about realistic life-strategies, and that includes getting a misogynistic mouthful for daring to be a girl joining in football. Next year mum won't be there, so it's about strategies for that.

Nothing ok about being abused with sexist derogatory language towards women.

Swipe left for the next trending thread