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Original poster

Has it already started so early?

176 replies

Barbarella2019 · 16/04/2018 15:52

So my 10year old dd was told this morning by a 13 year old boy at the park to "shut up bitch" because she dared to say she was better than him at some sports. She is very sporty and self confident..
I was thinking of a good come back phrase when this came from her mouth directly to the boy: you shut up please, you are just trying to undermine me but it doesn't work!
OMG 😲
I was so happy 😁 initially but then I thought I should teach her to be humble? The boy was rude though...and afterwards she was upset... so I feel justified to think she did the right thing.

Why do I always feel that as a girl she shouldn't show such attitude? I am so torn here. Tell me that I am wrong....

OP posts:
PaintedHorizons · 16/04/2018 22:24

OP - your update changes things. I didn't realise that you were all part of a group and that you'd bought an ice cream.

nellieellie · 16/04/2018 23:40

I think what people are missing here is that the boy told her she was no good BEFORE she said she was better than him. Boys constantly do this to girls trying to join in with sports. My DD has been totally put off football due to boys in mixed teams constantly bullying the girls and telling them how useless they are. Had the ops DD gone up to a random boy and said she was better than him, that woukd not have been kind, but as a response to a typical put down of being “no good” because she’s a girl, I say, fine. It’s good for a girl to stick up for herself and not taking a Male put down.

MonkeyPoke · 16/04/2018 23:42

"A good job I'm only 9 so I've got a few more years to practice."

BackforGood · 16/04/2018 23:54

Still not really sure what you were hoping everyone would say OP. You keep veering from "13 yr old shouldn't speak to 10 yr old like that" to "She's quite tall, he wouldn't know she was only 10" then "he didn't know her" to "they all know each other from school and Church". It's quite difficult to keep track of which way you want us to picture the scene.
However, I agree with most of the posters on P1. Neither of them covered themselves in glory. If she's as good at football as lads 3 yrs older than herself, she didn't need to boast tell them, she needed to just make it apparent by playing. Yes, it wasn't a nice thing to call someone a name, but - newsflash - this does tend to happen when teenagers have hormones rushing through them and are trying to 'look big' in front of their mates.
Neither ideal, but not some major fault totally overshadowing the other one, either.

Sabaisabai1234 · 16/04/2018 23:57

MonkeyPoke
"A good job I'm only 9 so I've got a few more years to practice."

So you think she should conform to the patriarch ageist agenda that puts a higher value on younger females, by encouraging her to deduct a year or two from her age?

SundayGirls · 17/04/2018 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Genderwitched · 17/04/2018 01:00

I would be ashamed if my son had spoken to a girl in that way and he would have received a severe talking to.

TheMythicalChicken · 17/04/2018 01:05

because she dared to say she was better than him at some sports. She is very sporty and self confident..

She doesn't sound very nice, tbh.

Genderwitched · 17/04/2018 01:06

It doesn't matter what she did or didn't do to provoke him, any boy speaking to a girl in that way raises a red flag to me.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/04/2018 01:36

because she dared to say she was better than him at some sports. She is very sporty and self confident

She doesn't sound very nice, tbh

What part of this comment makes the OP's DD sounds 'not very nice'?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/04/2018 01:43

A 10 year old girl tries to crash a game with other kids. She says she's better at some stuff and gets told to 'shut up, bitch' by a 13 year old boy and posters are trying to make it her fault that she was told to 'shut up, bitch'? That she shouldn't 'brag'? That she shouldn't have done it 'in front of his mates'?

Maybe you should explain to her why bragging and showboating like this isn't a good idea? Preferably before she encounters someone even less pleasant and gets a smack in the mouth

Jesus. What hope have our DD's got of true equality when we've got this ^^ attitude to contend with. Shut up or get smacked?

What a depressing thread.

Genderwitched · 17/04/2018 01:51

What a depressing thread

This. Some of these replies are genuinely shocking, do people actually believe girls are asking to be spoken to in this awful aggressive way if they get a bit above themselves?

thebewilderness · 17/04/2018 02:19

Better than you is the correct playground response to you are no good.

You stand up to the bullies or they will beat you forever.

LeilaBriggs · 17/04/2018 03:22

I am not surprised the boy reacted. I don't think it's very nice to put someone down like that. And I can imagine being put down by someone 3 years younger than you would be quite upsetting. Sure, his choice of words wasn't the best, but I think most teenagers swear.

thebewilderness · 17/04/2018 04:10

The boy did not react. The girl did.
He told her she was no good.

brokeForYou · 17/04/2018 04:50

"do people actually believe girls are asking to be spoken to in this awful aggressive way if they get a bit above themselves?"

Yes and no. I think boys and girls will be spoken to rudely if they get above themselves and it helps them learn.

I do think the boy was rude. My children would be in trouble for their language but not the sentiment.

The daughter (although the OP keeps changing important details) didn't act nicely but neither did the boy.

I doubt this even happened.

mathanxiety · 17/04/2018 05:38

Your DD sounds great and what she said was completely age appropriate given the provocation. I hope she keeps on playing football, and gets on a girls' team. If she is tall, maybe consider basketball too?

However, I think you should have done a better job of monitoring the situation.

If I had been there with a 10 yo DD of mine who is tall for her age, then no matter how sporty, I would not have let her join an ad hoc group of boys, many of whom seemed to be older than the DD.

The reason not to let your DD aged 10 associate with young teenage boys is that older boys could assume she is a peer and address and treat her as such. She may be lucky all she got away with was the verbal slap of "bitch". She could have been targeted very physically during the game if they resented her presence. What if some of the boys took a shine to her and decided to mope around after her?

If you wouldn't let your DD go to an all boys' party at 13 (if such a thing exists) then don't let her play with or against 13 year old boys in ad hoc games in the park. Scheduled school events are fine. There is a ref, and everyone is on an equal footing.

SundayGirls · 17/04/2018 08:02

Barbarella were you at the park when it happened or not? You said you bought the ice creams just before this happened but then you say no parents were there Confused Can't really work this out...

Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 17/04/2018 08:45

SundayGirls
I guess when we write we follow what happened and I didn't realise it would sound suspicious.
Think about nice area with good school and great park with slides, swings and tennis /football pitch.
You know the kids because you have seen them around although I don't know their parents. Nice kids on the whole. Family orientated area, we also attend the local church and this kids serve mass sometimes.
10 year old are with parents usually. 13 year olds can go out with their mates.
We were all at the park, it was Sunday, not yesterday as they were at school yesterday. They start going on slides, swings ... Chat to my dd friends who's also 10 as they know him. We get ice cream they follow us... I bought them ice cream as they said they didn't have money.
Then they start informal kick about, all boys join in, including dd. And then the rest happens.
I was stood nearby chatting to another parents. Turned away but in earshot. I didn't say anything to the boy as it was all so quick and I didn't want to make a scene. Also I thought good for dd for standing up for herself. She's 11 in a couple of weeks so starting the same secondary school as this boy in September and I think she needs to be able to stand up for herself.

Depressing that some of the posts here are victim blaming

OP posts:
brokeForYou · 17/04/2018 08:47

"victim"

Hmm
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/04/2018 08:51

What do you mean, op; you didn't realise it would sound suspicious??

Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 17/04/2018 08:53

brokeForYou
Because she asked to be called a bitch as she should have just shied away, and sat in a corner....so she is not a victim. She brought it on herself.

I get your point of view 👏🏼

OP posts:
Original poster
Barbarella2019 · 17/04/2018 08:54

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar
Well people are questioning if it happened at all?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/04/2018 08:56

This boy said to her you are not good at football. I would have walked away but she decided to say she was better than him.

Isn't that every kid in the history of the universe though?

"I'm better at you than (insert something)"

"No, I'm better than you"

Tis the way of the world.

brokeForYou · 17/04/2018 08:57

"I get your point of view"

No. I think you struggle to accept any kind of point of view other than your own.

I've already said that the boy was rude but so was your daughter. He was ruder but she was unpleasant. There's a difference between shying away and simply being rude.

You've tried to suggest she could have been in danger. You ignored posters asking you several times what the "it" in your title refers to and you change your story to fit your narrative.

Do you think the boy was rude because your daughter was annoying or because she was a girl? What do you base this on?