Taking husbands name

[luelle]

I've just read a twitter thread regarding women taking their husbands surname when they marry, and out of the hundreds of replies I skim read I would say a good 90% of the replies are people absolutely dead against it. Countless posts saying that it's ridiculous in this day and age, it's outdated and degrading, no women should be treated like property to be passed about. That its awful when women would throw away their family name without a second thought etc.. I'm just shocked, I never realised it had become such a negative thing in so many peoples eyes!

I am aware of the history behind taking surnames and yes it was to do with ownership from father to husband, but surely in this day and age we have moved past all that enough for it to simply just be a nice thing you do when you get married, if you want to?

I think it's become so common now for women to keep their maiden names, and I don't think women are really expected to take their last name anymore. It is a choice and it's great that women are free to make these choices - but I just found it quite sad that this thread had so many people bashing people that do choose to take their husbands name?

I plan to take my DPs name if we get married, just because I'd like to. In my mind, it's an exciting part of marriage and a new chapter. I'm still me, I'm still part of my family, I still have my family history. AIBU to be a little sad that I could actually be looked at negatively for doing so? Or have times just changed that much?

Why would you care what anyone thinks? If taking your husbands name is right for you, that's all that matters.

I don’t look down on people who do but I admit to feeling a little sad .. especially when changing their Facebook name is done promptly after the wedding.

I didn't. My soon to be step daughter in law is. Whatever suits the individual, like much else in life.

@Aquamarine1029 I'm just curious what people's thoughts are! It used to be what everyone did and as times have changed it's interesting to hear different views.

It's just as bad to judge someone for doing it as not doing it.

If you want to take his name then take it. It's nobody else's business. I didn't at first but did in the end and it was my choice.

@howthelightgetsin Why would it make you feel sad? I'm honestly neither here nor there. I know what I'd personally do, but I have no opinions on anyone else's choice. It only seems to be people who want to keep their own name that have really strong opinions on those that would take the husbands. Not vice versa.

All my close married friends apart from one have their husband's last name. Just how it turned out. Nothing wrong with it but no problem if you don't. Remmeber most couples have children so if you don't want to double barrel and you want there to be a family name one of you has to take the other's name. It's tradition thats all. Plenty of feminists do It!

I don't give a shit what anyone else does with their name. Keep it or change it, whatever suits you.
DH and I merged our names and did deedpolls so we had our new surname. Not to everyones taste but we love it.

Before marriage, I planned to take my husband’s name, and got a lot of comments and criticism. Later I decided I didn’t want to take his name anymore, and I still got comments (though not nearly as many). People will always find something to criticise. If you’re happy with your decision, that’s all that matters

@NFATR Exactly what I was thinking! I sort of thought these days people accepted either way and didn't really spare much thought to it, but twitter really proved otherwise tonight. I know it's not a true reflection of everyone's opinions but the amount of people against dramatically outweighed the people for for.

I think the majority of women still take their husband’s name though don’t they (IME anyway).
Each to their own - I did, but I was young and wouldn’t do it now (wouldn’t have married him now tbh but that’s a whole other thread). I wouldn’t judge another woman either way for this.

Twitter is full of dickheads with too many opinions. If they had any sense they wouldn't be dicking about on twitter in the first place

It's up to the person who's getting married to do what they want to do. Someone I worked with changed her name on marriage to something else (say Jane Smith to Jane Jones). She applied for a job which would have been working with me - I was asked if I knew Jane Jones, unfortunately I didn't, I only knew Jane Smith...

My surname is a double barrelled of my mums ex husbands surname and her second husband (my dads) surname. She gave it to me and my 3 brothers and sisters, because 2 of us had one dad and the other 2 the other. She changed the eldest 2s surnames to the hybrid and gave me and my brother the hybrid when we were born. Don't think either dad was happy about it haha!

I didn't.
I'm too lazy to change stuff.
I couldn't care less what anyone else does.

Seems appropriate

I was told just yesterday that I was the only woman this man knew who hadn't taken her husband's name. Like I was some sort of weirdo.

I was called a rebel by the DC's nursery. Ach, so many people have been pass remarkable about it.

Not once, have I ever considered changing it. And yet the comments. No man has to endure such scrutiny.

I have a few friends who wanted to keep their name but felt pressured into changing. That makes me sad.

@gamerwidow 😂😂 Love that

I think it's become so common now for women to keep their maiden names, and I don't think women are really expected to take their last name anymore

Far from it. Someone I work with (in HR!) considers it disgusting that a male colleague double barrelled his name after marriage. I didn’t change mine and 14 years later I get cards etc addressed to Mrs Hisname (I don’t use Mrs either). It’s fucking rude.

When 50% if the name changing is done by men I’ll stop commenting on it.

@Awrite It's a personal decision, I just can't comprehend why there would ever be judgement either way.

@TittyGolightly It's horrible that people get judged for not taking it, but do you also agree that there should be no judgement for people who do choose to take it? Do you see women deciding to take their husbands names as a negative? Genuinely curious!

Because it isn’t a decision made in a vacuum. These threads always go the same way, with women defending their decisions to change because they “hate their maiden names”, consider they are just swapping one man’s surname for another one. As if women never own their names.

DSS is getting married in a few weeks and his DF has told him she is going to double barrel her name to his. He has said he doesn't want his children to have different surnames to him so has now decided to also double barrel. They looked at creating a new name from our surname and hers but it didn't quite work.

DH and I discussed double barelling our names when we married but it would have sounded ridiculous like a tongue twister so I took his name. We did discuss him changing his name to my maiden name but instead gave DS my maiden name.

Yes, and you sound happy about it. Others change because of pressure from their fiance/family. Not hard to comprehend.