Taking husbands name

[luelle]

I've just read a twitter thread regarding women taking their husbands surname when they marry, and out of the hundreds of replies I skim read I would say a good 90% of the replies are people absolutely dead against it. Countless posts saying that it's ridiculous in this day and age, it's outdated and degrading, no women should be treated like property to be passed about. That its awful when women would throw away their family name without a second thought etc.. I'm just shocked, I never realised it had become such a negative thing in so many peoples eyes!

I am aware of the history behind taking surnames and yes it was to do with ownership from father to husband, but surely in this day and age we have moved past all that enough for it to simply just be a nice thing you do when you get married, if you want to?

I think it's become so common now for women to keep their maiden names, and I don't think women are really expected to take their last name anymore. It is a choice and it's great that women are free to make these choices - but I just found it quite sad that this thread had so many people bashing people that do choose to take their husbands name?

I plan to take my DPs name if we get married, just because I'd like to. In my mind, it's an exciting part of marriage and a new chapter. I'm still me, I'm still part of my family, I still have my family history. AIBU to be a little sad that I could actually be looked at negatively for doing so? Or have times just changed that much?

Taking your husbands name is extremely old fashioned, anti-feminist and just plain odd. Why on earth would you subsume your identity like this?

No, no, and no. And FUCK NO.

It baffles me, it really does

Baffles me how someone can be so judgemental and offensive while also being so fucking wrong, but they you are.

@NFATR so, can I assume when you married you had a frank and full debate with your husband as whether he'd take your name or you'd take his?

Thought not.

It's a tradition based on ownership of women. You don't have to like it but you can't deny the facts just because straight talking scares you.

I always got a bit confused by the whole "I changed it so we all had the same mane" thing.

I dont have the same name as either of my kids. But its so easy to explain. If they ask I'll just say its MY name! Simple!

I don't see it as I'm deciding it no longer has sexist connotations because I like the idea of it. What I'm saying is there are a lot of things in the world with bad history, negative connotations, sexist or otherwise that we move on from and can be looked at in a different light.

If a woman chooses out of her own free will to take her husbands name, because she wants to, because she finds it romantic, because she prefers it - not sexist

If a man expects his wife to take his name because of societal norms/ If a woman changes it out of pressure by husband/society/family - sexist

I'm not saying the history isn't sexist, because it is, but frankly I think you should just let people do whatever the heck they want. It's not forced on people and it is a choice - what's outdated here is people acting like every person who chooses to take their husbands name is sexist.

@NFATR so, can I assume when you married you had a frank and full debate with your husband as whether he'd take your name or you'd take his?Thought not

Like I said, you know nothing. I didn't change my name at all

I am a strong believer in doing what works for you as a couple and fuck the rest.
That goes for names - changing or not, wedding- or not, kids or not...

And I say that as someone who took my husband's name when we married almost 20 years ago.
For me, personally, ( not advising for anyone else) I wanted the name, the ring, the house, the keys and his heart for life in the most straight up old school way. Lucky for me, he wants the same !

@luelle

You say, that 90% of 'hundreds' of posters are disgusted with a woman for wanting to take her (future) husband's name, but this is the internet where many people are full of shit. PLUS, most twitter females are an average age of 16 to 19, and are little leftie feminists who know fuckall about ANYthing.!

In REAL LIFE how many women do you know who kept their surname when getting married? Genuinely.

Coz out of 100's of women I have known over the past quarter century, I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of women I know who kept their maiden name. INCLUDING women who are only 30-35, and who got married within the last decade.

So many women - online - bang on about 'keeping your maiden name' and how it's bowing to the fucking patriarchy to give it up, but in real life, most women take their husband's surname. (Despite what the ranty feminists, scolding women who take their husband's surname are saying!)

There is nothing SEXIST about it, what crap. It's just tradition, and many women like to be traditional. Same as 'stay at home parents;' how often is THAT a man? Hardly EVER. Because the women/mothers prefer the 'tradition' of mommies staying at home, and would rather poke their eyes out with a hot poker than go back to work full time and let the man stay at home with the kids...

Personally, I preferred to have my husband's name (MY name now!) because I didn't want my kids having a different name to me.

Women who think it's 'sad' or pathetic or sexist or odd, for women to take their husband's name need to get a grip. Women these days, take their husband's name because they WANT to, not because anyone is forcing them to FFS.

In MY experience, the women who slag other women off for taking their husband's surname are not even married, and have never been asked!!!

Take your husband's surname Luelle, and FUCK anyone who slags you off for it. Just say 'what the fuck has it got it do with YOU?' if anyone slags you off for it!

OP, I know you don’t want it to be, but it’s still sexist. Now. Today.

It’s something women do - and that there is an expectation that women are likely to do - that men are not expected to do on marriage. It’s pretty much definitionally sexist.

If it were no longer a sexist tradition - if we had truly moved away from all that history and baggage - you would see men changing their names to their wives’ in equal number. But you don’t. Because it’s still a sexist tradition.

We all do sexist things, sometimes. Conditioning is pretty strong. That doesn’t make us ‘sexist’, or misogynists or misandrists. It just makes us people who sometimes do sexist things or participate in sexist traditions because society is still pretty bloody sexist.

No one suggesting forcing people not to. As you say, ‘let people do whatever the heck they want’. I would certainly never comment on another person changing their name unless they specifically asked me what I thought, and then I’d probably be non-committal. Sadly I have not always been treated with the same consideration or respect. But in a general conversation on name-changing, I see no reason to hide what I think to make others more comfortable.

There is nothing SEXIST about it, what crap. It's just tradition

Unbefuckinglievable.

@echt

grow up

There is nothing SEXIST about it, what crap. It's just tradition, and many women like to be traditional.

Ooh. I like this game. It was traditional for women not to work, or drive, or hold any property. They weren’t considered people in their own right. Rape within a marriage - perfectly legal - all part of the “obey” but of the wedding vows.

Let’s go back to that, shall we? Maybe we could all start keeping slaves again.

Coz out of 100's of women I have known over the past quarter century, I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of women I know who kept their maiden name. INCLUDING women who are only 30-35, and who got married within the last decade.

The percentage is about 30% or thereabouts now, so your experiences are highly unrepresentative. Never a good idea to extrapolate what you've seen in your own limited circle to society as a whole. Tends to lead to unreliable conclusions. Best to have a quick google first.

Why are ranty feminists 'little'?

Be careful or someone will point out you are using sexist language.

Says the person doing the name calling...

And it is sexist because the general expectation is that women will and men won’t. The absolute definition of sexism.

I wanted the same name as my kids too, so I gave them my surname. No reason why they should automatically be given their father's.

kimanda

Try thinking about how self-contradictory your statement sounded.

I didn't change

Why are ranty feminists 'little'?

I’m really tall, actually.

@JassyRadlett you may be a tall feminist but are you boring?

What about stupid?

Ignorant?

I am not arguing with such stupidity and ignorance.

Bore off.

This is my favourite round of the ‘I don’t actually have a coherent argument’ game: ‘I don’t have an answer to what you’ve said SO YOU’RE ALL STUPID AND ALSO SHUT UP.’

Mousse, I’m not even sure I’m ranty these days. My standards are really slipping.