Taking husbands name

[luelle]

I've just read a twitter thread regarding women taking their husbands surname when they marry, and out of the hundreds of replies I skim read I would say a good 90% of the replies are people absolutely dead against it. Countless posts saying that it's ridiculous in this day and age, it's outdated and degrading, no women should be treated like property to be passed about. That its awful when women would throw away their family name without a second thought etc.. I'm just shocked, I never realised it had become such a negative thing in so many peoples eyes!

I am aware of the history behind taking surnames and yes it was to do with ownership from father to husband, but surely in this day and age we have moved past all that enough for it to simply just be a nice thing you do when you get married, if you want to?

I think it's become so common now for women to keep their maiden names, and I don't think women are really expected to take their last name anymore. It is a choice and it's great that women are free to make these choices - but I just found it quite sad that this thread had so many people bashing people that do choose to take their husbands name?

I plan to take my DPs name if we get married, just because I'd like to. In my mind, it's an exciting part of marriage and a new chapter. I'm still me, I'm still part of my family, I still have my family history. AIBU to be a little sad that I could actually be looked at negatively for doing so? Or have times just changed that much?

Yes Jassy but at least you are tall.

I'm short - so I actually am a ranty little feminist.

Hoorah for Kimanda .. a fucking voice of reason. Who understands that we don't need to be lectured to and 'taught' how to be a feminist .

I manage that all by myself. Thanks.
I've raised three kids through Uni as a lone parent.
Work at the business end of Organised Crime where I am in a senior leadership role. (In a VERY male dominated arena)

When I married I CHOSE (in full grip of all my feminist faculties) to change my name to my Husbands surname because I WANT TO. So all the rants feminists can fuck off telling me how they know better.
My decision, my choice, my name now, because I want it to be.

Sorry, accidently hit post.

Anyway, I didn't change my name when I got married. Have no notion of ever doing so. Personally I find it a very dated notion that the woman should have to change her surname.
A lot of my married friends are double barrelled, but my name double barrelled with DH's sounds terrible, so no.
My two closest friends kept their name too. I'm actually struggling here to think of friends who changed to husbands name outright. I can only think of one friend and my BIL'S ex wife who's really sorry now because they're divorced and she has his name.
The cat has my surname in the vets. They offered to double her but I said if I wasn't going to do it to myself, then I certainly wasn't going to do it to the cat!

I'm short - so I actually am a ranty little feminist.

I would put that on a t-shirt and wear it with pride.

Taking your husbands name is extremely old fashioned, anti-feminist and just plain odd. Why on earth would you subsume your identity like this?

I find telling women who are feminists that they are anti-feminist because they do something traditionally seen as 'female' really fucking annoying. I am a female. I liked wearing a white dress to my wedding and I liked taking my husband's name because it's traditional and and it would also have been fine not to but I took it because my children will have it and it's my choice as an adult female. Thankfully BECAUSE of feminists I have the freedom to make that choice.

Feminism is a belief that women are equal to men not the same.

My decision, my choice, my name now, because I want it to be.

Good for you?

Do you want a medal or a cookie?

@kittensinmydinner1 and can you not see that that decision was made in the context of a wider society.

I want you to have the choice, I support your right to choose, but you must see the decision is made in the context of a sexist society.

@Fruitcorner123 Completely agree with you!

My husband took my last name (I’m a family of all girls and him all boys so mine needed someone to keep it going). I know another couple that did this too.

It is sexist. I doubt anyone asked my DH if he was going to change his name when we got married. Lots of people asked me. When we had a baby, no-one asked him how long he was going to be off work for/when he was going back to work. Lots of people asked me.

There are still sexist ideas around male and female roles within marriage. It's changing slowly, but it has to be acknowledged.

Fwiw I did change my name, but since neither of my parents had the name by the time I got married and I'd always disliked it I was quite relieved to switch to my DHS nice normal straightforward name! We discussed it though, he said he didn't want to change his and it was up to me whether I changed mine. There was

OrangeTea I want to merge mine and DPs surnames but mainly coz it would be funny. He’s not so keen sadly

kimanda i consider myself to be a lefty feminist (possibly a bit ranty) but agree with you completely on this.

I liked taking my husband's name because it's traditional and and it would also have been fine not to but I took it because my children will have it and it's my choice as an adult female.

I’m really glad you did something you liked doing.

Can you not see, though, that all of that is rooted in various forms of sexism? For example, You wanted the same last name as your kids - pretty understandable. But the expectation that kids will have their father’s name, not their mother’s, is pretty sexist.

FWIW, I wore a white dress too. Absolutely loved it, but can still recognise the sexist undertones of it.

We live in a sexist society. Almost all of us, no matter how die hard our feminism is, will do things and make choices that have their roots in sexism sometimes. I don’t get why that’s so difficult for people to admit.

Can't be arsed to stay on here arguing with a bunch of goady fuckers posting shit though, and trying to bait me into an argument with their pathetic, ranty, childish, leftie, feminist bollocks

Well that well though out, cogent argument has certainly shut me up!

Thanks @FruitCorner123

Sorry I don't mean to generalise and have a go at all feminists. Many are OK, but some on here are fucking ridiculous.

I make decisions that are not feminist, or may be argued to not be feminist, all the time. We all make compromises.

I'm not perfect, but I own the decisions, I don't deny their ambiguity and I don't insult posters who may point it out.

I was with my ex for 6 years. First dd has his surname, next two dds have mine but go by his.

I don’t do twitter but where I live if I hadn’t taken his last name when we were married I would have been looked at like a leper.

If I marry my bf now, I’ll take his surname, or may just keep my own for professional things. Haven’t decided yet.

I don’t see it as a ‘feminist’ thing. We both know who’s the boss ;) quite frankly I like the combination of my bf’s surname and my first name.

If his surname was ‘arse’ or something I might have a different perspective!

posted too soon!

no pressure from him to do so, although I think he likes us all having the same name. But that in itself is only because it's what we've all grown up with as a society. Hopefully in another couple of generations it won't be seen as so much the normal to all have the same name and women and men will be able to just do what they like without a load of angst either way!

I changed my name on Facebook just after midnight when the guests were leaving our wedding.

I hated my maiden name, because it associates me with my father. I am proud to be joining my husband’s family so happy to take his name. It’s OUR name now.

Each to their own, but nobody should judge someone else on their choices IMO

Quite, mousse.

JassyRadlett
Yes the idea that a child has its father's name is inherently sexist. I agree. BUT I know it would have hurt my FIL and possibly DH to not use it and just don't feel strongly about it. In our culture at least its nothing more than tradition. We have to use a name and ours were not two names that would have fitted together at all coming from different cultures.

I didn't just do it I made a choice to do it and defend all womens rights to make a dofferent choice. But I won't accept that it is anti feminist to make a choice just because it is a traditional choice, just like the white dress.

This is a thread specifically asking for opinions. So stopping "why is it even your business to JUDGE OTHER WOMEN" is to miss the point a bit, no?

My opinion (since its been asked) is that changing your name is stupid sexist bullshit. I tend to only express that when specifically asked not, yknow, during the vows or anything.

(I do have to bite my tongue whenever someone says "Ooh, I always hated my name and couldn't WAIT to change it!". Because I want to reply "Yeah, but you totally did wait, didn't you? You could have changed it at any time after your 18, but for some reason you waited till your wedding".)

Kimanda you are a little confused I feel. The only person 'ranting' on here is you. Go and have a lie down dear