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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban MILs dog when baby is born?

171 replies

CallMeOnMyCell · 24/03/2018 08:17

I’m really not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.
DH and I live a three hour drive from MIL. When she visits, she brings her dog with her. I like the dog (he’s very friendly) but he jumps all over the furniture, digs up the garden and generally causes mess.
I’ve never been happy about the dog visiting but I’ve allowed it as MIL adores him. She could leave him at home with her partner but prefers to bring the dog with her.
I’m pregnant and due in July, when the baby is here I don’t want the dog to come anymore when she visits, I don’t want the mess, and I want to be able to sit on the sofa with the baby without a dog jumping up.
I don’t really know how to approach it with her, any advice?

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 24/03/2018 08:22

You don’t.
You tel your DP and let him do it.

aprilanne · 24/03/2018 08:29

if the dog is friendly seems a bit mean to ban him but tell mil if he jumps up or digs garden he is banned .he is just not trained very well obviously spoiled

IAmMumWho · 24/03/2018 08:29

Politely ask her not to bring the dog. If she wants to see her grandchild she should respect you.

Hypermice · 24/03/2018 08:29

Yanbu. Jumpy dogs and babies are a very bad combination

LongWavyHair · 24/03/2018 08:32

Yanbu. It's a dog, she doesn't need to bring it along with her.

spacecadet48 · 24/03/2018 08:36

YANBU, your DH needs to tell her that on initial visits when baby is born the dog isn't welcome. Keep it relaxed and say its something that can be reconsidered once your settled with your new baby.

Thecrabbypatty · 24/03/2018 08:38

You are being mean and grinding the axe for the sake of it, because you can. The MIL and the dog haven't done anything wrong really, remind her about no dogs on furniture and make sure she supervises in the garden. It's simple. Don't make her choose between visiting her grandchild and ditching her dog because A) You may be disappointed B) Using a kid to get leverage in a situation is a cheap shot and tacky as hell. Don't be that person. If the dog was that big a problem you would have banned it already, you are using the child as an excuse and that's shitty.

Vangoghsear · 24/03/2018 08:40

YANBU especially as she could easily leave the dog with someone else. But you need to get DH on your side.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 08:40

YANBU
Make sure your partner is on the same page and get him to tell her.
It’s not really fair of dog owners to take their dogs to other people’s houses, especially if the dog isn’t well behaved.
The new baby is the perfect reason to set some boundaries.

shushpenfold · 24/03/2018 08:41

Crabby I think that’s a bit unfair. If the dog is very jumpy it means that the OP won’t be able to put the baby on the floor to kick when the dog is loose. Your MIL could still bring the dog (with some straightforward rules....which will impede on the dogs freedom and her enjoyment of it) or she could just leave him with her partner, which would appear to make far more sense than the former suggestion.

Lichtie · 24/03/2018 08:43

I wouldn't ban it straight away. A lot of dogs quickly learn to be cautious around babies and understand the hierarchy.
Obviously it's important to never leave the dog unsupervised with the child.
Your MIL clearly loves her dog (as most people do). Dogs are part of your family, an ultimatum would likely deprive your child from time with what would be a caring grandparent.

LauraRashley · 24/03/2018 08:47

What AnotherEmma says.

I was delighted to have an excuse to ban the bloody dog.

That was 30 years ago mind, I wouldn’t need an excuse these days.

Zazzleza · 24/03/2018 08:48

YANBU! As someone with 2 dogs (jumpy spaniels)... I thought I’d be fine with them being as they were. New baby came along and I couldn’t stand it.
I didn’t need the hassle of cleaning dog hair/mucky paws off the sofa.
We had to tighten-up the rules and restrict where they could go when baby (now toddler) is awake.
These are our dogs that we love very much.
I certainly would not tolerate anyone else’s dog in the house now.
You aren’t using the baby as leverage. She has options and doesn’t have to bring the dog with her. When your baby gets older you might change your mind.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 08:49

WTF

Banning the dog would not deprive the child of time with its grandmother, she would just have to leave the dog at home for a few hours, it’s hardly a massive hardship.

They can still visit Grandma in her house (with the dog) and have days ouf (with the dog).

It’s only a dog for fuck’s sake.

And yes they do have to say no before the baby comes as it will be so stressful to “see how it goes”.

When you’re recovering from birth and looking after a tiny newborn the last thing you want is a badly behaved dog in your home stressing you out.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 08:49

Cross posts. I was responding to Lichtie.

RaininSummer · 24/03/2018 08:51

I am a doggy person but I dont think it is that u to ask her not to bring the dog for the first few visits at least whilst you are getting settled. You will want to lay baby on the floor sometimes too without a dog all over him or her.

Idontdowindows · 24/03/2018 08:53

Yeah, let your DP handle this now, you can't have an untrained or badly trained dog jumping up and down on your baby and you have no idea (I gather) how it even is with children.

RoryHatesCoffee · 24/03/2018 08:54

I wouldn't let any dog near a newborn, surely she's not daft enough to actually bring her dog with her?

diddl · 24/03/2018 08:54

I think that as there is someone she can easily leave the dog with then it's a no brainer.

In fact I'm surprised she brings it as she surely only has short visits?

Thecrabbypatty · 24/03/2018 08:55

Alright I concede. Maybe no dog on the first few visits but throwing an ultimatum out there would be unfair. OP likes the dog, MILES adores the dog, why rock the apple cart?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/03/2018 08:56

It’s not even being able to put the baby on the floor. A newborn wouldn’t be safe with an adult sat on the sofa. Only safe place would be held by a standing adult. She can’t bring the dog in the car and then keep it in the garden as it’ll make a mess. Who has time for that’s with a newborn? Get your partner to tell her no in a diplomatic way. She may have sufficient insight to work it out for herself.

YoohooDorothy · 24/03/2018 08:56

Crabby that is a bit ott. Leaving the dog in it's own home with her husband is not 'ditching it'.

Your DH needs to bring it up with her. In fairness, she may well have had the thought herself and fancy a relaxing cuddle with her new grandchild, rather than being hyper aware of the dog. All the dog owners I know have been very considerate when it comes to children, as it protects everyone including the dog.

troodiedoo · 24/03/2018 08:56

You are definitely not being u! But then you wouldn't be u to ask her to stop bringing it now. It's not a child it doesn't need to go everywhere with her.

But yes this is a job for your dh.

User14567891 · 24/03/2018 08:58

What AnotherEmma says
YANBU and as it’s your MIL it’s your husband who needs to tell her the dog is banned.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 24/03/2018 08:59

Yanbu
The dogs not trained. It's unpredictable and misbehaves. Exactly what you want when you have a new born baby around.

Any sane person would understand and respect this. And as pp have said you're not depriving the grandmother a chance to see your baby just the dog