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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban MILs dog when baby is born?

171 replies

CallMeOnMyCell · 24/03/2018 08:17

I’m really not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.
DH and I live a three hour drive from MIL. When she visits, she brings her dog with her. I like the dog (he’s very friendly) but he jumps all over the furniture, digs up the garden and generally causes mess.
I’ve never been happy about the dog visiting but I’ve allowed it as MIL adores him. She could leave him at home with her partner but prefers to bring the dog with her.
I’m pregnant and due in July, when the baby is here I don’t want the dog to come anymore when she visits, I don’t want the mess, and I want to be able to sit on the sofa with the baby without a dog jumping up.
I don’t really know how to approach it with her, any advice?

OP posts:
Mishappening · 24/03/2018 13:53

Just tell her not to bring it - I did with my MIL. She wasn't wild about it, but did as she was asked.

Dogs round new babies are not a good idea anyway; let alone one that is not yours.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:54

Cornishclio
JaneEyre70

He is my son and the money is not a problem, I didn't want to use money to force contact, hence why I stopped try to initate contact and kept my payments. But after two years and then cut contact and DIL try making contact I know the Gold Digger is only after them money and it's too late. She had her chance in the last two years.

Lizzie48 · 24/03/2018 13:55

Just start another thread, @AnotherMil5 your situation is nothing to do with the OP. Hmm

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:57

But it does about DIL's stopping son's seeing there familys. So many threads on mumsnets will tell DIL's to stop their husbands seeing their family.

mellongoose · 24/03/2018 14:00

Do you have more than one room in the house? Just pop the dog in a porch/kitchen or somewhere. Dog can be introduced in a controlled way so dog and baby are both safe and happy. Why does it have to be all or nothing?
YABU

mellongoose · 24/03/2018 14:00

My post is for the OP nothing to do with whatever has just happened to the thread!

HermionesRightHook · 24/03/2018 14:02
  1. The person on this thread is concerned about a potentially dangerous dog, not her MIL.
  2. She is not trying to stop the MIL from coming.
  3. Her MIL is not paying her any money.
  4. The situations are completely different and you should start your own thread about this, AnotherMil5, and stop hijacking this one.

OP, ban the dog.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/03/2018 14:05

Bit Hmm at this thread!

Most people when they go visiting someone without dogs would put theirs in kennels or get it looked after. It's really not a given, or the done thing, that you take your dog with you for a couple of days' visit! And if the dog is quite poorly trained and requires a lot of attention and cleaning up after the destruction (!) then that goes double.

'We'd like you to leave Rex at home/with Aunty Jean this time, MIL. You know how excited he gets and we'd never forgive ourselves if he jumped up and hurt the baby, and we don't want him to come and then be locked out as that's not fair on him and might cause more issues anyway- he'll howl, possibly get jealous etc. Also, we'll all be focued on the baby so either he won't get the attention he needs or you'll end up sorting him out/walking him when you just want to be with the baby. Plus we just won't have time to do the usual clean and garden repair after he's gone! Thanks'.

Your DH says this, not you, and makes it clear that it's not a request - you can't host the dog, and that's that.

She may well be glad once the visit happens that she doesn't have to spend her time with you looking after a dog!

sourpatchkid · 24/03/2018 14:11

Tell her if she trains the dog he can come. My mums dog is an arsehole. I love dogs but this one is coming no where near my house since the baby.

Lay down your rules now, it'll be harder when the baby is here

grumptastic · 24/03/2018 14:12

Im of the mind that a dog should never be around a newborn. I know its an unpopular opinion but its the way i feel. Even if i had always allowed a dog in my home it wouldnt be there with a newborn. With my oldest dc i had a dog that was not allowed in the same room and she was a very calm and well trained dog. I know some people treat their dog as babies and it sounds like your mil does this. Therfore u run the risk of her just saying hes only playing/being friendly and they have to get used to each other. And as the dog is so close to mil you also run the risk of a jealous dog and that can be dangerous. Also you need to think about yourself, im sure mil will want to visit soon after babys arrival when u may be recovering. A dog jumping on you may cause you pain too plus the stress of watching your baby. I would make it clear now that the dog will not be welcome. At least until your child is older if you dont want to say forever.

Lizzie48 · 24/03/2018 14:16

No, it is different. The DIL isn't wanting to stop contact with her MIL. She's genuinely concerned for her baby's safety when it's born. Stop projecting.

I can't have dogs in the house because of my DH's allergy, and because of my cats. When we go away, I book my cats in a cattery. Surely it isn't such a hardship to book your dog into kennels for 2-3 days??

Cannonfodder · 24/03/2018 14:18

@AnotherMIL5

You sound like my brother and sil after their dog bit my dd age 15 months. She was gently patting it on the stomach and the dog dug a molar in just above the eye. They were outraged after the event that dh and I didn’t want them to bring their dog to visit us. To such and extent we went nc for 1 1/2 years over it. They only lived an hour away at the time. I cannot believe you have cut your ds off for not wanting your dog in their home. Shock

My cockapoo is trained but highly strung. He is fine around mobile, walking children of 3+ but I wouldn’t trust him around babies because he’s too bouncy and I couldn’t hand on heart say he wouldn’t nip although he’d give a warning. He’s rather like a Jack Russell actually. No way would I have a JR around a newborn.

Op if you don’t feel safe, trust your instinct. I didn’t for the sake of family relations. I hadn’t yet learnt that it was entirely unsalvageable between my brother and me. They are vile. I am now nc.

Original poster
CallMeOnMyCell · 24/03/2018 14:23

It’s a chocolate lab. A lovely friendly dog but big and untrained. Maybe you’re right and I’m not giving MIL enough credit. But I just can’t imagine her thinking it wouldn’t be okay to bring the dog, I think she’ll be upset to be told it’s not okay.

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 24/03/2018 14:29

What does your DH say about the dog? Even big friendly dogs can be offputting to small children. I would be very wary about it. Surely your MIL would understand that if you say that you are worried about animals around your newborn baby rather than she is unwelcome to visit?

VodkaAndRusschian · 24/03/2018 14:31

YANBU. The stress of being on constant dog-watch is completely draining. I doubt I'd even have managed to nap with an untrained dog in the house - I don't think I could have trusted anyone else to keep the baby safe either, the consequences of a miscalculation are too great.

No, it's very unfair on you. I'd make it clear the dog isn't welcome, but I'd try to do it as nicely as I could. (Although people who baby their doggies will still take offence)

Dragongirl10 · 24/03/2018 14:31

YANBU, and l say that from the perspective of someone who has always had big dogs.

I would never take my dog to a house with a newborn even if invited to, and my dogs are well trained, don't jump up and do as they are told....l still wouldn't, as dogs can pass germs to newborns.

Also l would not want anyone to bring their dog into my home when l had small Dcs, fine once they are toddlers, as long as the dog in question is well trained, by that l mean..doesn't rush up, jump up, sits and stays when told/ stays off furniture.

It is your DHs job to sort this, tell him in no uncertain terms the dog is not welcome in your house, there is no reson MIL cannot leave dog at home .

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 14:39

DIL doens't want MIL, mumsnet tells DIL's to make sons tell their mothers they are not welcome.

MIL's can smell a mile away that this is coming from DIL not their son. OP woman up and tell MIL yourself stop trying to get inbetween a mother and he son.

Thecrabbypatty · 24/03/2018 14:45

I know MN prefers banning people and going no contact but I think a quiet chat would suffice. If its cleaning and mess that bothers you just say "We love the dog and are really happy that you coming to visit but could you give me a hand cleaning up after him before you leave, it would help me out and i would really appreciate it." Easy and no need for bad feelings.

VodkaAndRusschian · 24/03/2018 14:45

DIL doens't want MIL, mumsnet tells DIL's to make sons tell their mothers they are not welcome

In fairness, it's the dog she doesn't want. If only dog owning mothers-in-law could process this, a whole lot of ill feeling could be avoided.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 14:51

Thecrabby
“I know MN prefers banning people and going no contact but I think a quiet chat would suffice.”

Don’t be ridiculous, no one has advised banning people - unless you count the dog as a person, which clearly some precious dog owners do Hmm Either that or they blur the boundaries between themselves and the dog, they are so bloody attached to it that they think owner and dog are an inseparable unit and anyone who says the dog isn’t welcome is somehow by extension rejecting them too. No they’re not.

It’s just a fucking dog!

Lizzie48 · 24/03/2018 14:54

The issue here is that the MIL could leave the dog at home with her partner. She doesn't even have to put it in kennels. It shouldn't be an issue at all.

When my DSis had a dog, we talked through what to do. We didn't argue, we discussed it. Like adults should be able to do. It shouldn't be about coming between a mother and son, you've just chosen to see it that way.

Welshlovebicuit · 24/03/2018 14:55

I banned babies personally - far too upsetting for my dog!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 24/03/2018 15:06

Op - what does your mil do when her dog digs up your garden and jumps on your furniture? How does she react? Does she apologise? Does she offer to do anything? Does she laugh? Does she excuse him? I love labs. We used to have them. But they're big and excitable and...need training!

Frankly it's mind bogglingly rude to bring a pet that you can't control to someone's house. I would be mortified if my dog dug up someone's garden.

Crabby - honestly. No ones banning anything. It's an out of control dog. Perhaps if mil had bothered to train it in the first place she wouldn't be in this mess.

Hortonlovesahoo · 24/03/2018 15:35

Personally I’d lay down the rules and ask that initially the dog doesn’t come. If it was for just a few hours then I’d say: give it a few trial visits but because they’re days duration then I’d ask politely for the dog to be left at home.

I’d also make sure that MIL cleans up after her dog in both the garden and the furniture moving forward.

My in laws have a very jumpy and highly strung dog that has already bitten me and my MIL. DH demanded that the dog isn’t in the same room as us when we visit and especially excluded for meal times (he’s food possessive and that’s when he bites). They don’t like it but they respect us enough.

Aw12345 · 24/03/2018 15:40

YABU.

Kid will absolutely love the dog and think about when your little one is a toddler causing mess/mayhem around her house?

Just ask her to keep dog on a lead after baby born.