To ban MILs dog when baby is born?

[CallMeOnMyCell]

I’m really not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.
DH and I live a three hour drive from MIL. When she visits, she brings her dog with her. I like the dog (he’s very friendly) but he jumps all over the furniture, digs up the garden and generally causes mess.
I’ve never been happy about the dog visiting but I’ve allowed it as MIL adores him. She could leave him at home with her partner but prefers to bring the dog with her.
I’m pregnant and due in July, when the baby is here I don’t want the dog to come anymore when she visits, I don’t want the mess, and I want to be able to sit on the sofa with the baby without a dog jumping up.
I don’t really know how to approach it with her, any advice?

Thecrabbypatty- If the mil wasn't aware that her dog was a nuisance by digging up gardens and jumping in sofas then there's a much bigger problem...

It's that selective ignorance a lot of pet owners have that their pet is a darling and everyone loves them whatever they do.

No the dog isn't a nightmare. But it's not trained. And neither you nor the op know how this dog is going to react to a baby. Any sane dog owner would understand this concern. Any sane dog owner.

The only problem the op has is if her mil places her dog over the safety of her grandchild.

Crabby by name...
OP is not being mean or sly or using this as an excuse to air a grievance.* She just doesn’t want the dog in her house once she’s had her baby.*
I and all my adult DC have dogs, we take them with us on visits to each other but they’re not given the run of the house and I certainly wouldn’t take my dog if there was a newborn or nowhere to pen the dogs.**
YADNBU! I’m sure your MIL will understand

It smacks of leverage

If you really can't see the difference between tolerating and untrained, uncontrolled dog around adults and around a baby then I despair frankly.

As a dog owner one of the key responsibilities toward the dog is to ensure its trained properly. Its really not difficult.

Why can't she just talk to MIL and explain her worries about the newborn. MIL will probably agree! She doesn't need to pull rank and outright ban the dog.

Yanbu. She can leave the dog at home with its other carer, you're not asking her to abandon the dog.

I never get this

Visitors bringing dogs into homes they are visiting

Rude regardless of baby issue

Thecrabbypatty - yes she does! Until the dog can be proven to be safe around her baby!

It's her house. Her rules.

Besides which I seriously doubt the mil will agree. She has not trained her dog. She allows it to misbehave at other people's houses. I doubt she sees the problem

She allows it to misbehave at other people's houses. I doubt she sees the problem

This. IME dog owners who don't see a problem with their dogs jumping over someone else's furniture and digging up their garden are exactly the type who bleat "but he was only being friendly" or expect the dog to be "beautifully sensitive".

I think the easy solution would be to reiterate the house rules about furniture and digging, watch carefully how the dog is round the baby and then if the rules are broken and the dog isn't careful around the child THEN have the conversation about having the dog round because you actually have a good reason and grounds for refusal.

Even if op adored all dogs and this one I particular, even if this was the best trained dog in the world and op's MIL was the best possible owner, if op doesn't want the dog in her house with her newborn that is perfectly reasonable and fine. Because an owner loves their dog and considers it family it doesn't follow that everyone else has to feel the same way about it, and it certainly isn't the case that they have to allow the owner to bring it wherever they please.

Thecrabbypatty - if you want to risk your newborn with an unpredictable dog that's fine. You go for it

But the op is perfectly right to not want to

The op already has grounds to refuse the dog! it's not trained. It misbehaves. And the mil seemingly does nothing about it

No - the dog doesn’t get a trial period. It’s a dog. It’s Ill behaved, untrained and a tiny vulnerable baby is not going to ‘test it out.’

It’s colossally selfish and unaware to being poorly behaved dogs to people’s houses. To then bring them back when they’ve damaged the garden / jumped in stuff is mind bogglingly self centred.

A dog can kill a baby in a second. Or it can bump it, knock it over etc etc. Just no.

You’re assuming your MIL will let the dog jump all over the baby and that the dog won’t go into protective mode and be beautifully sensitive around your baby. Why don’t you just wait and see how they both act around the baby

Yes. Let’s just hope the dog goes into protective mode and not into predation mode like the dogs who DO hurt/kill babies. You know, because resale dogs aren’t Lassie 🙄

Idontdowindows I disagree. I think that getting your husband to do your dirty work for you is backhanded and manipulative and bound to cause resentment.

Yes, we know. You've said. The rest of us understand that different families have different dynamics and handle things different from how we would do it.

*real dogs.

It's really interesting that responsible dog owners are saying that the OP isn't being unreasonable. These are the dog owners we need to be listening to, as they are the ones who train their dogs and make responsible decisions. It's dog lovers who are saying that dogs shouldn't be trusted around newborn babies.

Most people consider themselves responsible dog owners. Doubt many would come on calling themselves irresponsible.
Reality is each dog is different. I was brought up around dogs and I am completely comfortable leaving my dogs alone with children, I trust them.
But I'm not saying that should be done with all dogs, it depends on the dog. Some people will consider that irresponsible and dangerous, but I know in my circumstance it's not.

Thanks so much for all of your views. It’s given me a lot to think about.
I think my main issue is the mess and time spent after a visit cleaning up. Due to the distance, when MIL visits is for 2/3 days and by the end of each visit I feel frazzled by the mess and stress. If it was for a few hours there’d be no issue at all!

I don't get people who assume they can bring their dog to another person's house. I never do that with my dog, and I've actually bothered to train mine so it doesn't jump up and dig the garden.

I would. It could be the best dog in the world and if it's used to MIL spoiling him he may get jealous if she's around the new baby!

Callme, apart from the mess, having a new baby and a dog together is really stressful because you can’t leave the baby alone without making sure that you know where the dog is and checking that everybody else knows that they have to keep an eye on the dog.

If it’s your own dog you can organise your house and train your dog so that it’s manageable, and ultimately you can decide that the stress is worthwhile, but it’s really not fair to unnecessarily inflict that on new parents, or the dog who won’t know what is going on.

You are completely reasonable and sensible to ask that the dog stays at home.

YANBU. Some people have serious blind spots when it comes to their dogs. I like dogs but I don’t want pet hair in my home or a dog on my furniture. I don’t want a dog licking me or the table or trying to snatch food. A friend of mine’s large dog jumps up at me which leaves bruises. I’ve asked her not to let it do this but her response is that the dog doesn’t mean any harm. She also let it jump up at my car when I visited. The dog was on the lead, scrambling at it which left scratches. “Oh she’s just pleased to see you!” I don’t get it.

I can’t stand people who bring their dogs to other people’s houses. Your dog needs to be at the park or at your house, not at other peoples houses

Out of interest what breed is it?

Five years ago my DIL did the same kinda thing banned the dog which meant I couldn't visit as much, then I noticed even if I tried to visit without the dog she wasn't really up for it. When I offered them to come to mine she said no as it was too far (2hr drive) and the dog was issue.

The dog was a jack russel and friendly. Evently I gave up I see my other sons family all the time so I am lucky last year I wrote DS1 and his family out of my will. I didn't tell them and will revise if things change so not using it as way to force them to contact just not going to reward DIL in my death for stoping me seeing my son.

I would love to see her face when she realises how much she lost by being a bitch.