To ban MILs dog when baby is born?

[CallMeOnMyCell]

I’m really not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.
DH and I live a three hour drive from MIL. When she visits, she brings her dog with her. I like the dog (he’s very friendly) but he jumps all over the furniture, digs up the garden and generally causes mess.
I’ve never been happy about the dog visiting but I’ve allowed it as MIL adores him. She could leave him at home with her partner but prefers to bring the dog with her.
I’m pregnant and due in July, when the baby is here I don’t want the dog to come anymore when she visits, I don’t want the mess, and I want to be able to sit on the sofa with the baby without a dog jumping up.
I don’t really know how to approach it with her, any advice?

Get your dp to explain that there will be rules if the dog comes and if she doesn't enforce them that the dog will not be aloud again

My parents’ dog was similar, and they massively indulged her (‘oh she’s just trying to be friendly’ as a large German shepherd tries to sit on you). She was not welcome in the house once my son was born. We only stayed over once, and I realised it was impossible, I couldn’t not have him in my arms at any point (she ‘mouthed’ for attention and whilst I don’t think she’d have bitten him, she was probably five stone or big dog - I couldn’t trust them in the same space). She died a few months ago so at nearly six, my son has finally been able to explore my parents’ home.

She just laughs when he digs up the garden and thinks it’s fine for him to be on the sofa and jumping up at people and furniture. I’ve bought sofa covers for when they visit but then we just end up sitting on a dog hair covered sofa and I don’t want to do that with my baby. I want to relax in my house and not have to spend an hour just cleaning up the mess left by the dog.
I like my MIL a lot and she is welcome to visit but on her own.
I don’t intend to ask DH to speak to her, I will do it but I really don’t want to upset her. I’ve always been a people pleaser and that’s why I’ve tolerated the dog until now.

YANBU
I wouldn't have a dog around my new born child.

AnotherMil5 I really feel for you. You sound so bitter.

Op it doesn’t really matter who speaks to her I suppose as long as you both speak from the same hymn sheet and your DH backs you up.
At least your not stopping contact with your MIL.

we just end up sitting on a dog hair covered sofa and I don’t want to do that with my baby. I want to relax in my house and not have to spend an hour just cleaning up the mess left by the dog.

Perfectly reasonable. Why should you have to spend ages cleaning dog hairs up. I'd speak directly on this to her and say, you don't want her to bring the dog on visits anymore once the baby arrives.

It's your home and she needs to be respectful of that.

It does annoys me when people who own pets thinks everyone else has to like them too.

I don't want a dog jumping on my furniture.. period.

Op - see that's the reaction I assumed. She lets her precious get away with murder and expects others to too. She's blind to her dog's faults so I don't expect she will appreciate how you might not want it around your baby.

You sound lovely. And I get that you like your mil and that's nice to hear on mumsnet!

Hope it goes well with her. As I said, any reasonable person would understand. I honestly can't get my head round anyone who would prioritise their uncontrollable dog over a newborn.

The frustrating thing is with a little training her dog might be more welcome.

Why doesn’t your partner clean up after his mother’s dog?

It doesn’t bode well for him pulling his weight when baby is here, and towards the end of your pregnancy too.

AmotherMil5. I don't think you are in any position to tell anyone to woman up.

It was another contributor who suggested that DH spoke to MIL, not the OP.

For all you know, DH agrees with the OP. Probably the same goes for your DS and DIL.

@AnotherMil5 doesn't sound like someone who is reluctantly NC and tortured by missing DS and DGC. Wanting your child to not be told of your plans sounds cruel and malicious, and frankly wanting to continue to inflict pain from beyond the grave.

I say this from experience NC with MIl over a dog - amongst other things- and I don't think even she would stoop that low.

OP it's your baby, your rules

If she has to visit for 2/3 days then what is she meant to do with the dog for that time? Put it in kennels? Because that's expensive and if you ban the dog you will reduce the time your child has with his/her grandmother.

I would just set some rules, say I dont like the dog on the sofa, say you only want it out in the garden on a lead supervised and that is has to be tied up when the baby is around.

I know this is a strange thing to say but if you look at the stats then a dog attacking a child is INCREDIBLY rare and as the (horrific) sex scandals have come out about teachers/sports coaches etc the truth has been found that it's much more likely for a child to be hurt by a fellow human than by a dog. Very sad but very true.

Read the thread, @Aw12345 the MIL's partner was at home and the dog could have stayed at home with him.

A jumpy dog who messes up your garden. All over your furniture. I'd be livid!!! Even dog lovers can see that this is a spoilt dog (fair enough in your own home!) Don't chance it like others have suggested. Tbf when baby is born you'll feel more confident saying it!

And actually I put my cats in a cattery and just suck up the cost. They're my cats and therefore my problem, not the problem of the people putting us up.

Those people saying "give the dog a chance, try it and see what happens", what do you think might happen? This is a large dog. Its owner doesn't mind and doesn't bother doing anything when it digs up somebody else's garden. It sounds like it's already bored, under-stimulated and destructive, with an owner that can't be bothered to give it any firm guidelines.

Why on earth would anyone "see how it went" around a newborn child? I had dogs when I was in my teens/ 20s. I kept them well away from any children under the age of about 8, and they were much better behaved than this dog apparently is. I just didn't want to put the children or my dogs at risk. This is a big dog. At best it's quite likely to jump up and could easily injure such a small child. And the worst doesn't bear thinking about.

Just ask her to keep the dog away whilst you have a new baby, OP. It's not an outright all-time ban. It's a sensible precaution for everyone's wellbeing, safety and peace of mind.

I love well behaved dogs. Badly behaved dogs are a nightmare.

OP is absolutely reasonable. No way would I tolerate a large untrained dog near a new born ( esp in a strange environment for the dog). On what basis should it be assumed that everything will be OK? The dog jumps up, digs up the garden and jumps onto furniture.

On top of that, it sheds it's dog hair all over the Ops furniture and will be there for 2-3 days. It is absolutely beyond me to understand some of the PPs comments that it is OK to bring the dog especially when it can stay at home with MILs partner, in its own home, with its other owner.
OP, you sound kind and tolerant but I would be very firm over this. No dog with newborn, for SO many of the reasons cited upthread. Why should you be put in the position of having your garden ruined, the dirt to clean up and the stress of worrying about your baby near an untrained large dog. And yes, no reason why your DP/DH cannot speak to his mother about this. He should be as concerned as the you. There is no reason why the OP should have to do it and risk becoming the 'unreasonable' DIL.

ANOTHERMIL5 The vitriol in you is literally breathtaking. The bitterness will kill you earlier than you think. But take it to the grave with your triumph. Your poor, poor Ds and DIL. Better off with you out of their lives, I would think.

It's never unreasonable to not want other people's pets in your home. You don't even need a reason.

Oh, and I'm a dog owner to boot. Just what BarbarianMum said.

I’d say it was a bit tight to leave him alone when she’s a three hour drive away but the fact her partner is at home is a no starter.

Who would bring a big dog when they’re first seeing a newborn? Definitely no dog for a while and I say that as a dog lover!

Just say politely you dont want dog there. Dogs carry all sorts you dont want near a young baby. If its not yours why even risk it. Mil will respect your decision if shes a decent grandmother