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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban MILs dog when baby is born?

171 replies

CallMeOnMyCell · 24/03/2018 08:17

I’m really not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.
DH and I live a three hour drive from MIL. When she visits, she brings her dog with her. I like the dog (he’s very friendly) but he jumps all over the furniture, digs up the garden and generally causes mess.
I’ve never been happy about the dog visiting but I’ve allowed it as MIL adores him. She could leave him at home with her partner but prefers to bring the dog with her.
I’m pregnant and due in July, when the baby is here I don’t want the dog to come anymore when she visits, I don’t want the mess, and I want to be able to sit on the sofa with the baby without a dog jumping up.
I don’t really know how to approach it with her, any advice?

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 24/03/2018 13:32

Anothermil5 I can see why she doesn’t want to see you.
Shame your son hasn’t got a brain of his own.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 13:33

Charming!
And some people still wonder why we advise the OP to get her partner to talk to his mother rather than talking to her directly.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:35

Fishface77
I have never said anything, I made a deal with my self last year to stop trying and if they don't within two years the will will stay changed and I will stop paying thier rent and montly payment I give them.

Six months till I remove finincal support sure they might try then but I know it will be for my money not me.

Fishface77 · 24/03/2018 13:38

AnotherMil5
Why did you need to financially support them?
Have you told your son how you feel?
Why are you blaming you DIL?
Maybe it’s the other way round and your better of without them in your life.

IamaBluebird · 24/03/2018 13:39

Anothermil5, this is really an issue you should try and sort out with your son. Why would you leave a will that will hurt him and cause trouble in your family.
Sort these things out in life while you can. Don't leave a load of hurt and regret and no opportunity to ever change things as a legacy.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:39

AnotherEmma
My DIL is a gold digger, what I suspect she doesn't know is my DS is not actually welloff, I pay £5000 a month into his account and pay his rent on his house. But his business has never made a profit I just suport him.

In six months it will be 2 years no contact so it all goes away and with it DIL is in for a shock.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:42

Fishface77
I am well off so not an issue, DS runs his own businessbut it's never made a profit but it's his hobby. I have supported him for years even before DIL showed up.

IamaBluebird
Because she is the one that stopped contact and she is a gold digger she thinks the money comes from his job but she is very wrong.

Fishface77 · 24/03/2018 13:42

But AnotheMil5 why not just speak to him? Why go through DIL?

3EyedRaven · 24/03/2018 13:42

DIL is in for a shock? But no mention of the son who hasn’t seen you for 18 months? Loool

Fishface77 · 24/03/2018 13:42

Xpost

Lizzie48 · 24/03/2018 13:42

It sounds like you're the one being a bitch, @AnotherMil5 and I never normally say things like that on MN. But I'm genuinely shocked by your vitriol.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 13:42

Whatever your DIL’s motives you’re coming across as extremely nasty.
Sounds to me as if you give a lot to your son and instead of asking yourself why he doesn’t give you anything in return, you prefer to blame his partner.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:43

IamaBluebird
They had two year to mend I gave up after three of asking to see my DGC. I won't use the money to make them see me. DIL had her chance now they money goes.

NameChange30 · 24/03/2018 13:44

“she thinks the money comes from his job but she is very wrong.”

And whose fault is that?

Clue: it’s your son’s fault for lying to her about it.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:45

AnotherEmma
Because I saw how he changed after she came around, I won't force him but he is whipped by her. He doesn't see me or his brother or his nephews because she disallows it all.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/03/2018 13:46

AnotherMil5

So you're a delight who uses money to manipulate and control your children's relationships? One way or another they are both better off without you - you give MiLs a bad name.

Pity you didn't raise your son to stand on his own two feet instead of keeping him locked into your apron. You are no different from people who mindlessly blame the MiL when the problem is the man.

gryffen · 24/03/2018 13:46

If your not happy with the dog the say so. Easy as that.
Your house and rules and if that dog did harm baby (even accidently) it's a nightmare.

Our dog was good with our baby but not all dogs are good with kids.

Speak with hubby and let her know asap.

MyKingdomForBrie · 24/03/2018 13:47

Wow AnotherMil5 that is some bitterness you’ve got there. You really can’t wait to see your own child homeless eh.

You shouldn’t have set him up to rely on you if you’re going to rip the rug out from under his feet, that’s just vindictive. But I guess you don’t care as you’re proudly sharing all the details!

Any decent person would have just spoken to their child.

merrymouse · 24/03/2018 13:48

Whatever the ins and outs of AnotherMIL5’s situation, the only thing it has in common with the OP’s is the presence of a dog.

Bit of a thread hijack.

HermionesRightHook · 24/03/2018 13:49

Doesn't sound safe to me. For what it's worth my MIL is obsessed with her dogs, and the dogs are baby-safe, (and I like them a great deal) but she never minds leaving them at home, she understands perfectly why we're leery of great big dogs around very small humans.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:49

AnotherEmma
My son does put up a show of wealth and he would be in the end the fact he doesn't say it's family money is a pride thing in our culture. She think is all comes from his job and I was happy for him to seem successful and I am sure when the truth comes out she will try force contact. But now more in six months

Cornishclio · 24/03/2018 13:49

AnotherMil5
You pay £5000 into your sons account and pay his rent? Why on earth would you do that especially if they are not loving family members? I would definitely stop that support or talk to your son. Why doesn't he come and see you?

Callmeonmycell
No, YANBU to refuse to accommodate the dog especially if it is badly behaved and creates a lot of mess and she will be staying with you rather than somewhere else. Hotels etc won't take dogs so I fail to see why anyone should be forced to accept relatives who won't come without their dog. Tell her to kennel it or leave it with her partner.

You will have a new born and any reasonable person would not bring any dog, let alone an untrained one into a house with a new baby without checking if it is ok first. It is a dog, so it is not going to be mean to leave it at home with her partner. I understand some people look on pets like children but they aren't. Depends on your relationship with your MIL whether you or your DH tells her though. Don't use the excuse of the dog as a reason for not letting your MIL see you and the baby though. If she will not visit without the dog then suggest you come up and visit her when you are up to it. Or send her a link to dog friendly accommodation and meet her in a local park. It is your house (unless of course your MIL is paying for it like AnotherMIL5 ;)) so your rules.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/03/2018 13:49

Bit of a thread hijack

Yes good point. Another can start their own thread if wanted.

JaneEyre70 · 24/03/2018 13:50

OP, I'd have a nice chat with her and say you're worried about the dog and how it will react around a newborn, so please can she leave it at home for the first few visits. By that stage, you will have no doubt invested in some stairgates, and can keep areas of the house which are no go for the dog. It's not worth falling out over. And make it clear you expect her to clear up after it! I adore my dog, he goes everywhere with me but I always check it's OK first, and would never let him run riot.

As for Anothermil5 so your son treats you like shit, as does your DIL and you're throwing 5k a month at them??!! More fool you. You must have far more money than sense.

AnotherMil5 · 24/03/2018 13:51

C8H10N4O2
They don't know they are out of the will and money will stop in 6 months, I have gave the money the last 18 without contact. I am not using the money to force contact infact once they get cut off I won't ever give money that can be used by her even if they try made contact.